So as I was saying...

I'm totally smitten with S.  I feel so lucky.  I feel like this is what I've been waiting for.  She is just the cutest little thing to ever creep into my heart. 

A few weeks ago, we got a really cheap motel room for the weekend in Fredericksburg, VA.  Yeah, we sure did stay at a Days Inn lol.  It was a little scary, and I kept getting freaked out that someone was gonna break into our room and murder us, but she kept me calm and reassured me that no one was outside our door at 4am ready to attack us.  She even got up in her little underwear to look out the window for me lol. 

 We have also started taking every single shower together when we are together lol.  I didn't even realize it until this past weekend, but I said 'do you realize that we never take seperate showers now?  Not ONE??'  haha.  She makes shampoo mohawks that make me laugh hysterically and she pinches my nips while my eyes are closed with soap or water and I pinch her butt to make her jump and squirm and smile and we switch back and forth to share the hot water<3.  But while we were in the motel room, I heard something and swore up and down that someone was in our room while we were in the shower, and again, she had to save the day and reassure me in her towel that no one was in there lol.  So during the days on our cheap motel weekend, we spent one day going to the DC Zoo, and the next day going to a Nationals Baseball Game before we headed back home to her house late Sunday night.  We had a photo-fest while at the game... all these pics are my favs :)

But my favorite part of that whole weekend was Saturday night.  We know nothing about Fredericksburg, and there is really nothing to do there at night, so after a late night shower since we were gross from being at the zoo, we decided to go to Walmart there lol.  Oh yeah, we shoooo did go to walmart on our vacay weekend lol.  While we were there, we came upon the arts and crafts section (which is of course my favorite section in ANY store lol) and she suggested we get something to take back to the motel room to work on as like an art project.  I said... "are you just saying this to try to make me happy?"  Or maybe I was thinking that lol... but no... she really wanted to do something artsy.  Which FLIPPIN made my day lol.  So we decided on getting some puff paint and some canvas bags that you can paint, and said we'd paint the bags for each other.   We sat up on the bed for like 3 hours and painted our bags.  She was just in a tank top and her underwear... and I kept catching myself just staring at her while she painted.  She makes this really cute face when she's concentrating on something, like painting my bag, I can see the little tip of her tongue stick out sometimes and her eyes are big and bright and focused.  Whew...  just soooo cute.

So our next project was that we took the leftover blank bags home, and we were supposed to paint them for each other and bring them to each other next time we got together (which was 2 weeks later, this past weekend).  Buttttt...  she couldnt wait that long lol.  She has no patience.  She made my bag and then HAD to send me a picture of it immediately lol.  I wanted to wait and surprise each other, but she wasnt havin it haha.  So she sent me a picture... and I almost started crying. It was the cutest thing ever.  She drew out our faces right next to each other, put 'K+S' underneath our faces, and put a big red heart around all of it.  How precious is that??????  So I had already made plans of what to do with her bag.  We already have a lot of inside jokes, so I was going to write out our 'phrases' on her bag.  So I did... and it turned out awesome... and she loved it :).  and we are definitely planning on using these bags.  We are so corny!  And I love it!

This past weekend, she introduced me to her family.  I had already met her dad, but I also got to meet her sweet Mama, and her sister and neice and nephews.  I had a blast with them.  They are for realll country folk, live out in the boonies, and we drank beers in the front yard while the kids ran wild, I watched S play basketball with her mom and the others, and she is a baller, she's got some skillz let me tell you (and i laughed to myself as she tried to get me to play with them.  I am NOT a sports girl at all lol.  I coware when the ball comes near me hahaha) and finished the night off with a bonfire and chairs wrapped around it right next to the woods.  It was like a little slice of heaven, totally the life I'd like to have (maybe minus a few kids lol).  But it was just great.  Her mom is so sweet, and S looks just like her.  They both have big pretty blue eyes and the same sweet soft spoken voice :).  So cute! 

So yeah, things are going really well.  I'm aware that we've only been dating for a short time, but wow.  I'm just astonished at how well we get along.  How there is no fighting, just cuddling.  How we can talk about anything.  So this is what a normal functioning relationship feels like!  I'm a lucky girl :)

Irritants, but I'm still smiling.

Ok so may I just say that I have never been so happy with someone, as I am with S.  I know I have been slacking in writing in here lately... but don't worry... it's cuz I've been too busy swooning over her lol.  But I'll write more about her later.  Her cuteness can wait.

So I recently got really super irritated with an old friend of mine, D.  D and I have known each other since middle school, and were best friends all through high school.  During our senior year, her mom had to move, and so she had to go with her.  She only ended up moving about 30 minutes away, but with that move, we slowly fell out of contact.  I had a boyfriend that I spent most of my time with (he was actually my last boyfriend) and she was busy dating and making new friends out that way too.  Well, after high school, we didn't talk for about a year.  She called me out of the blue one night, and totally rocked my world.  She told me that 1-she had gotten married.  2-she had had a baby, and 3-she had moved to Florida.  (we're in VA).  So over the past 7 years, we have seen each other maybe 3 times, usually quick dinners while she was in town here visiting her mom, and I'd gotten to meet her baby and husband during those dinners too.  Other than that, we'd just occassionally talk through myspace.  Well she recently moved back here and they bought a house and she had another baby a year ago, so we've been getting closer and spending time together. 

Well, D is a completely different person now than she was in high school.  I mean I know that happens to us all, we all grow up and change... but she is just SOOOOOOOO different.  In high school, she was the class clown (I was the quiet shy girl) and she was outgoing and outspoken and vulgar and hilarious.  Now... all she can talk about are her kids, and her husband who is an asshole half the time, and just AMAZING the other time... but I'm realizing that married life has made her... well...  'spoken for'.  She doesn't seem to have her own opinion about anything anymore.  I remember we had been talking about something pretty unimportant a few weeks ago, while I was at her house before her husband got home... and she said that she was gonna have to ask him when he got home what he thought about it.  It totally made me wince for a second..  it was such a simple subject that she and I were talking about... and she couldn't even have this conversation with me unless she know how he felt about it.  Maybe I'm looking too much into it but it's just so weird.  She's just totally not the same person. 

Which brings me to the part where I got really irritated.  A couple weeks ago, when they put the block on getting rid of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Lady Gaga had spoken out about it.  She had said somthing to the effect of she is on our side, wants equal rights for us, and that she thinks that if the straight soldiers in the military have an issue with gay soldiers, then they should just go home.  I didn't actually watch the video of this myself, but heard about it from what D wrote on her facebook page.  She said "I think that Lady Gaga should stick to perfoming songs & stop saying that straight soldiers should leave the military for not wanting gays in it. She really should think before opening her diarrhea mouth. The reason she can speak at all is because of the straight & gay soldiers in the military.....Shut uP Gaga ur a politcal idiot. We know u love ur gays, but stay away from politics!"

Well... I didn't even know what to make of this.  I mean.. she was contradicting herself in so many ways in this statement.  Her friends from Florida were all agreeing with her in their comments, so I wrote "Politics affect us all babe, she has just as much a right to make her opinion known as the rest of us. xoxo"


D: okay, but she's an idiot. she needs to pick her words...or only open her mouth to sing :) 

(I'm thinking... ummm... she DID pick her words lol.  The point she was making was a heavy one... she picked her words pretty well I'd say.)

I wrote: So just because you don't agree with her opinion, she shouldnt be allowed to say it?

D: She said "straight soldiers should go home" for being prejudice....if that happens, who is goingto fight for us?? She's retarded :)

I wrote:  well maybe it wouldn't be an issue if there wasnt so much prejudice. She is acknowledging how ridiculous it is to be prejudice over gays who are doing the same damn thing, fighting for our rights. She isn't retarded.  (by now I was really getting fed up.)
 
She started trying to just be funny I think after that..  which infuriated me even more.  I don't want to sound 'prejudice' against house wives... but what it has done to her is just ridiculous.  I know that her husband doesnt agree with gays being out in the military, so that has become her opinion as well.  Instead of forming her own opinion, or keeping the backbone she used to have, she's basically just become a second voice for his opinions.  He and I have gotten into it before when I was over there for dinner.  He and I get along just fine, but I think he was taken aback when his wife's friend stood up to him.  Probably didn't know what to do with himself lol.  But I finally just ended up writing her an email cuz I was tired of going back and forth about it on her page for everyone to see.  I wrote: 

I can't discuss that anymore with you babe, you'll never understand the struggle and stress that comes with fighting for our rights as humans. You're married, and have a husband who can be open about who he is and what he loves in the military. I am not allowed those same basic human rights. You just don't understand the fight going on right now. I welcome anyone fighting for our rights, including Lady Gaga.

 

She wrote back "talk at me later.  Still luv you!" 

 

Ugh.  I'm realizing that I have very little in common with this person who used to be my best friend.  But I guess that's ok...  I heard once that we all change our friends about every 7 years... and that's because we are always constantly growing and evolving who we are.  I just wish that I could get through to her.  It's not even something that she cares about... but she chooses to downplay the importance of it for other people.  Meh. 

Bitch-face. New job.

So I finally quit the dreadful coffee shop. I'm not even sure if I've talked much about how ridiculous that place was on here very much... but here's a quickie catch up.

The owner is filipino. She has lived here for most of her life, yet I still can't understand most of what comes out of her mouth. Now I'm all for different cultures finding a home here, but when you're trying to boss me around, it'd be best if I can understand you.  And when you're yelling at me in front of customers because I'm doing something wrong because you didn't teach me how in the first place, please use proper english.  Great, thanks.

And then...  all of my paychecks were under, except for one.  That's one, out of 5, and they were under by at least $50.  All of the other girls that worked there had the same issue, which just led me to think... why in the hell are you still working here you idiots??  When we tried to talk to the dragon-lady-boss, she told us that we must not be clocking in and out correctly, and that it's our fault.  Next, she had hired me to work during the day, since I do my hair clients at night.  I had a great schedule for the first week, and then after that she started giving me all night shifts.  Like seriously, every single one.  I'd get an opening shift like once a week.  So I'd have to dispute my schedule with her on a weekly basis.  Oh and our schedule was from Sunday through Saturday, and she wouldn't make the schedule for the following week until Saturday night.  That works out really well when I have to make appts for my clients, and she keeps messing up my schedule.  After all of the disputing, her 'fix it' was then only scheduling me for 9 hours a week.  Ok, now... what is the fucking point? 

So this past week, I had asked her the week before to let me know what my schedule would be as soon as she could because I had to get back to like 4 different clients about scheduling their appts.  I texted her that on friday, and she didn't get back to me until the following Monday (of last week).  Well by then, I was over it and my clients were blowin up my phone, so I had to just go ahead and schedule them.  I mean they are more important anyway.  So when she finally gets back to me, it's too late.  I text her a couple days later that I'm gonna have to leave the coffee shop, and she then goes off on me and tries to give me like 8 guilt trips.  Says that I'm totally screwing her over.  And her texts were all in completely broken english, which just irritated me more.  I jsut had to shake my head, I never did respond.

So I'm done there.  Well, the same day that this all went down, I got a call from my girl at the temp agency where I had applied a bit before I started at the coffee shop, asking me if I was interested in working on an assignment for them.  I said... UMMMM YEAH!  Perfect timing :).  So she set me up with a short term job, it's only 2 weeks, but it's paying $10 an hour, so it'll be a nice little chunk of monayyy.  I'm working for the American Heart Association (have been now for 2 days starting last week on Thursday) helping them raise money for a fundraiser walk that they have coming up.  I'm basically just making warm calls all day to people that have already signed up to help, and asking them if they'd be willing to ask their contacts for help or donations through an email that I jsut fwd to them.  Easiest job, and everyone there is sooooo nice.  And I feel like I'm working for a good cause, so that makes me feel great :).  So anyway, on my second day there, my boss Julie came up behind me and gave me a hug and told me that I'm doing such a great job and that she wishes she could keep me!  Unfortunately they don't have an opening for a fulltimer there, but that they do have an office in Richmond (where I'm moving in a couple months) that always has openings and she'd love to refer me there.  She's actually from there so we'd been talking about my move.  So I'm thinking that might actually be a good idea.  That way I could do the same thing I've been doing here.  I'd have to work on building a clientel, so making money in a salon right from the start would be slow.  So if I had a steady reasonable income to start with in an office, I could work on getting a clientel at home at night, and then maybe I'd go into a salon later with a clientel. I think this sounds like a great idea, and I really like the idea of working for a non profit organization too.  I'm really good at marketing and fundraising, and getting people involved in things, so this could be great.  We'll see what happens, but I'm getting more excited about moving with this idea.  I've been scared that i'd be struggling financially for a long time after I move there, but this could be my way around that.  yay!

Oh I forgot: Bloggerstock

I totally forgot to post on my bloggerstock post (the last post on here) where I was going to be posting. And that ya'll should definitely sign up for next month too. I posted on Sara Swears A Lot's blog. She is HIGHHHH-larious! And that's the point... is that signing up for bloggerstock exposes you to other blogs that you would have never read before. I'm so glad I got to post on Sara's! Anyway, here's the link to my post on her blog, and here's the link to sign up for bloggerstock for October. DOOOO ITTT!!

Bloggerstock!!! Do-overs.

Before I begin, I want to give some background on what Bloggerstock is and why I've hijacked StarGazer's blog. I found out about Bloggerstock through 20sb.net (a great place for a beginning blogger, btw). Basically it's blog-swapping but on a big scale. It introduces you to tons of great blogs out there, some of which you would miss in the vastness of the net. If you want some exposure as well as some new things for your feed, check it out!

I'll be honest, when I saw the theme of this month's post, do-overs, regrets, etc, I didn't even know where to begin.  There are few big moments that I regret in my life.  I really do believe that all the colossal f-ups I've committed have made me a better person.  We truly do learn more in the hard times than the easy.

Instead it's little moments that I regret.  Things that wouldn't have changed the coarse of history, but would have made life just a little easier:

• I would have come up with something charming and blow-breaking to say to my friend who told me he loved me, instead of answering with five minutes of silence.
• I would never have tried roller bladeing: chain-link fences and soft-fleshy bits don't mix well.
• I wouldn't have gone to see Linkin Park live.
• I would have eaten more vegetables as a child.
• I wouldn't have tried dating two guys at once.
• I would have called my mom more often when I moved away.
• I would have gotten a big, floppy hat much sooner.

I'm sure there's countless others.  Those small moments that are insignificant, but still make up what we truly think of as life.

If you want a really interesting story (one way better than my little list), check out what That Ain't Kosher has as her regret on my blog Cerebral Lunchbox.

Missing kitty, but great weekend.

Ok so I know it's almost next weekend and I'm just now writing about last weekend hehe.  But I went to stay with S (new girl) this past weekend, and ended up staying through Tuesday.  I'll tell ya what...  I am trying to keep a level head, but she is just... great.  :) 

We had a little bit of bad luck though, the first night I stayed with her, one of her cats happened to escape through her window.  She has an AC unit in her window, and when we woke up after sleeping in until 12 (FINALLY someone who likes to sleep in as much as I do lol) she discovered that one of the sides had been peeled off of the window sill, just big enough for a kitty to fit through.  She quickly yelled FIND ALL OF MY CATS!  (she has 3) so I jumped up outta bed, and we found 2.  We ran outside, but we knew it had been 5 hours since we had gotten up to feed the kitties that morning, so he coulda been gone for quite some time.  S is totally against letting me see her cry (so soon anyway) but she couldn't help but break down.  We looked around for him for a while, probably looking really funny cuz we both had bed head and only in tank tops and sweat pants, and yelling out 'Rabbit!  Here kitty kitty kitty!' (is that not the cutest thing ever?  She named her cat Rabbit hehe).  After a while, we went back to the backyard and sat out on the patio for a while.  She sheepishly let out a couple tears, and was trying to hide it... but it really just made me melt.  Her precious little face..  and I just started rubbin her back, and she grasped my hand.  She called her mom, and after telling her what happened, she said 'No, she's not supposed to see me cry so soon' as she looked over at me and smiled through her tears.  So, she's already told her mom about me, and ugh.  I would never want to see her cry, but she just looked so beautiful. 

So anyway, we spent the rest of that day walking all around and looking for her cat, after I went to the store to get stuff to make breakfast for her.  Yes, we had breakfast around 230 lol.  I got her a rose while I was out, and surprised her with it, held it up in front of her face as I hugged her from behind.  She showered me with kisses and a tight squeeze.  :) 

She had to work the next day, and I had a client in town, so I went back to her house when I was done.  I cleaned her room, and the whole house actually haha.  When she got home from work, she just curled up on me on the couch before we went back out to look around for Rabbit.  I love how she just seems to meld to me perfectly when we cuddle.  And I love that she always touches me if we're anywhere near each other, even when we're eating.  I love the constant contact, and all the kisses.  I just feel like this is the way it's supposed to be in the beginning.  Just all smiles and kisses and cuddling.  I've never had anything ever go so smoothly.  So many butterflies all the time, but yet, it still just feels natural and calm.  Even with my major ex, we were already arguing by now lol. 

I cut her hair...  and oh my god... she looks freakin hot.  her hair was in a bob before, but we cut it shorter..  a really fractured and texturized cut, where the short little pieces fall right over her eyes...  oooooh wow.  haha.  I thought she was adorable before, but now... just, wow.  haha.  Yummmmm!

Anyway, when we went out looking for Rabbit Monday night, we took a walk first, and she held my hand the whole time.  Even when we were turning around, she'd take my hand with her other hand so she could turn around.  It was just so sweet.  She'd squeeze my hand every now and then.  Anyway, after a while, we actually spotted him.  We were then driving around to the neighborhood that is directly behind her house, and saw him there.  She jumped outta the car and I put the lights right on him.  He crouched down for about 20 seconds before running away when she tried to approach him further.  She hasnt caught him yet, but she made flyers and has had a few neighbors call to say they've spotted him too, and she's seen him everyday, just hasnt been able to catch him.  I'm just glad that she can at least see him, she was just so scared that he was hurt or something before we saw him.  Hopefully she'll figure out a way to catch him, but at least she knows he's ok. 

Tuesday, she came home and again curled right up to me on the couch for a while before I had to go home.  She kept saying I'm not allowed to go home hehe. 

Oh and we took a pretty steamy shower together.  It was her idea, I told her she needed to wet her hair down so I could cut it, to which she said 'I'll just take a shower.  Wanna join me?'  I went red immediately... said 'buttttttt i'm shyyyy about my boddyyyyyyy' and she just started kissing me and so she got her way lol.  She's so tiny, like seriously little and perfect and just all together delicious, and for some reason, she's attracted to me and can't keep her hands off me.  It's really nice :).  And she's just so sweet, and I can see her guard coming down little by little.

Mama... mama... mama... WHAT???... hi. :)

Oh... Mama.  Oh dear....

So things about my relationship with my mother have been recently brought to my attention by some outsiders.  Things that I didn't even realize.  It's amazing how much someone else's few comments can be like a huge lightbulb flashing in front of your eyes in the middle of the night. 

I have been involved in some marketing groups recently, one of them called "The Geekettes Club" which is basically a big group of women who are business owners or others of the like who are wanting a place to market themselves, and meet other women who are empowering and supportive.  We meet once a month, and I've been involved in the group for about 4 months.  I've met so many amazing women, and everyone is just so supportive of me and what I do, and it's definitely been something I look foward to every month.  My mom decided to join as well, and has gone to a couple of the meetings with me.  My experience in these meetings is very different, depending on if my mom is with me or not.  And I didn't even realize how much differernt until someone else pointed it out to me.  The leader of the Geekettes and I have gotten close.  She is an amazing woman.  She's from Australia (which is why I love talking to her, I could listen to her accent forever hehe) and she's traveled all over the world before settling here with her hubby.  She is amazing with marketing and ideas, and just one of those really great motivating people.  I've done her hair, and her sister's hair as well, so while I've been at her house we've had time to chat.  After meeting me and my mom at least twice, she asked me if I'm an only child.  I thought it an odd question, and said no, I have one little sister.  She said that my mom acts like she's a show mom, like she is constantly trying to sell me to everyone we meet, and that I act completely different when I'm with her.  I just kinda stood there, thinking to myself, and realizing how much this is true.

After our first meeting with the Geekettes, I was livid with my mother.  I just had no idea that it was so apparent to everyone else.  She is completely smothering when we are together.  We are both there to market ourselves, and during the mingling part of the meeting, she is attached to my hip and introducing me to everyone we meet, telling everyone what I do and how great I am and how talented I am and "here take her business card, she'll come to your house and do your kids' hair too and your husband's hair, are you married?  Kelly is just great with kids, and with men's haircuts, and she's great with your short women's cuts, see??  Look at my hair!  she does my hair, and she's also great with long hair and color....ETC."  I know that she means well, and that she really is proud of me, but she makes me look like I can't speak for myself.  At one point during that first meeting I gracefully took her arm in my hand and SQUEEEEEZED firmly in an effort to tell her to SHUT THE HELL UP MOM. She just looked at me and giggled, and shut up for about a minute, then started right back up with the next person we met.  On the way home I told her that I was seriously about to lose my shit in there, and that I couldn't even get a word in and it makes me look like I'm this little kid with no experience and that I probably have no idea what I'm doing.  She just said that she was trying to help me and that she's used to me being this little shy girl... but I've come so far from being that little shy girl and I guess that she just has no idea.  I know that she means well, but she's just completely overwhelming.

Then, as of late, I'm getting even more and more frustrated with her.  She is soooo nosey.  I didn't even realize how much until I had moved back in with her.  It's of course gotten 20million times worse since I've moved back in, because I'm now a part of her everyday life, so she wants to know everything that's going on with everything.  If she's leaving early for work in the morning, she wakes me up just to ask me what I'm doing that day, even if I've already told her.  Just yesterday she woke me up to say 'don't forget to mow the lawn' even though I had told her the night before that it was the first thing I was planning on doing with my day.  If I'm at home during the day and she is too, she'll literally check in on me at least 3 times just to ask 'what are you doing?'  and it leaves me feeling like I'm walking on eggshells in my own house.  This is a daily thing for me.  Over the past two weeks, Mom and her husband have been going outta town a lot, and you wouldn't believe how much more at ease I feel in general.  This past weekend, they were gone from Thursday through Monday.  It was like I could breathe again. 

After much frustration with my mom asking me repeatedly what am I doing to further my business and what am I planning on doing with my life and what are my plans for the future and what am I doing to get there, I broke down and yelled out 'I'M MOVING TO RICHMOND!'  It turned into this huge screaming fit, she is the only person in this entire world who can get me so worked up that I actually have to scream.  I am usually so laid back and easy going in general, but she makes me feel like my chest is going to explode, like if I don't scream I won't be able to breathe.  So yeah... she flipped out with that one, and started acting like she was about to cry, just saying 'I don't want you to keep making bad choices Kelly...  I'm just so worried about you...  you just keep making bad decisions."  I lost it at that point, and full on started screaming at her.  She said that she thinks I'm running away... and that I'm not going to find myself somewhere else.  I need to have my stuff in order first, I need to be able to find myself here.  I completely disagree.  I've hated it here ever since I knew I might someday have a choice.  I think that at 26 years of age, if I'm not happy with my life, I should damn well do something about it.  I should get up and move.  I should go find myself.  I should follow my heart.  This is fucking age to do that!  Life doesn't always have to be by the book, by now, I know that first hand.  I told her that there is nothing for me here.  And there isn't.  I have felt like I'm done with this place for years, but never had the guts to do something about it.  I just wanted to wait for someone or something to give me a reason to move away.  But I'm done with that.  I love it there, I never want to leave when I'm there, and it's my time to really do something that I know in my heart will be good for me.

I told myself at the beginning of this year that this was my year.  And it's something that I have repeated in my head to myself on many occassions this year.  This is my year to find myself, to find happiness, to hopefully find love, but most importantly, just to find where it is I'm supposed to be, and what path I'm supposed to be on.  I can't let my overly controlling mother make me feel like this isn't what I'm supposed to do.  I know she means well, but she and I look at life so differently.  Right now I'm craving adventure, and I'm craving the feeling of just feeling alive.  I want to make mistakes and learn from them, and I want to feel like it's ok to do that.  And I do feel like it's ok.  Life is about living and learning, not just constantly trying to do everything right. 

So anyway (and I apologize this is like the longest post ever haha), I went and saw a good friend the other day, T, to do her hair.  She's my trainer, and I also wrote about her in this post.  She's about 20 years my senior, but she's someone who I feel like I can always talk to about anything.  I love going to see her, we always exchange stories about the new ladies in our lives, since we're both doing the online dating thing.  She's recently come out to herself, and to others, and she has asked me on more than one occassion "sooo...  why are women so crazy?'  hahaha.  She cracks me up.  But back to my subject.  She's met my mom now a few times, I invited T to one of the marketing events with me, and my mom is now consulting with her for training and diet stuff.  So anyway, when I went to see her without my mom being there, I told her about my plans for moving to Richmond, and she was so excited for me.  "You're gonna still come do my hair right?" hehe.. that was her one and only concern.  But when she started asking me details about it.. she said.. "is it so that you can get away from your mom?"  and i just stood there thinking... uhhh... what?  And then it came out.  This was the second person that has commented on my relationship with my mother within the past month, and they have been the ones to bring it up, not me.  But T told me that I am a completely different person when she's with me.  My posture changes, my arms kinda turn forward and my hands are constantly in fists, like I'm defensively ready for a confrontation or a fight. She said that I don't smile nearly as much as I usually do, that I seem to just shut down, and give quick responses to whatever we're talking about.  She said that it's the same way during all of the times she's seen me with her.  That really made me take a step back from doing her hair, and I just stood there and thought for a while.  She's right.  I am totally more at ease when my mom is not there, or even the subject of conversation.  Man..  it's just crazy to hear it from someone else. 

I love my mom, but there is no greater stress in my life right now than her.  I know she doesn't mean it, but she is just so overwhelming and stressful and completely smothering.  I haven't even told her yet about my new girl, and I would have usually told her all the details by now.  I just need privacy right now.  I need time away and without her being so far up my ass.  It's exhausting.

My weekend.

So I'm learning really fast that I already need to find another part time job.  I've gotten two paychecks from the coffee shop and both of them were dramatically less than I had expected.  After talking to a few of the girls there, they all said that they're all having paycheck issues, and when they try to talk to the boss lady about it, she gets really defensive and says that we must not be clocking in and out properly (bullshit).  I'm already having trouble with scheduling... she always gives me pretty much the opposite of what we had originally discussed while I was being hired... so that is cutting into my hair client time.  I'm just going to look for another job... my sole reason for taking this job is to make some extra money so that I can save up a good amount before moving.  If I'm not even getting a paycheck for all of my hours working, then what's the point?  I just don't want to have to deal with this shit every two weeks.

On the upside of my weekend :)...  New Girl came to see me.  My parents were out of town for 5 days, so New Girl (we'll call her S) and I looked at our work schedules and decided that she could come here on Sunday and stay through Monday.  We hadn't even decided this until just the night before, so I was in a frenzy getting the place ready.. cleaning my room, washing my sheets, shaving my legs hehe... all the while she is laughing at me over the phone saying 'I hope you don't expect me to deep clean my place when you come here!!  I'd rather you just see the real me, the slob.'  She chuckled.  She also sent me pictures of her room, and she's really not that bad, but again, I like that she's honest about who she is.  And after dating someone who thought that even every bobby pin should have its place, I have much more in common with someone who is not so uptight.  But I also can't wait to go to her place so that I can help her get organized.  She just moved into this place a couple months ago, and she still has some stuff in boxes haha. 

During the previous week, I had told S that she could earn a massage from me only by payment of kisses.  Since we hadn't had a first kiss on the first date, I figured that was fair, and an excuse for her to kiss me.  Yes, I have an agenda, lol.  So when she got here, we both discovered that we were still just as nervous and giddy around each other as we had been during the first date, even after talking on the phone pretty constantly for almost 2 weeks since our first date.  She already knew she was gonna be shy and nervous still, but I had actually thought that I'd be ok.  Yeah... I was still nervous lol.  It's such a good nervous though. 

I surprised her by making avocado egg rolls from scratch (her favorite).  I waited for her to get here before we went to the store to get the ingrediants together.  We had both never actually bought avocados from the store, so she pulled out her iphone and looked up 'how to tell if an avocado is ripe'.  It was pretty hilarious actually...  it told us to put the avocado in the palm of your hand, and squeeze to see if it is firm or if the skin is loose.  It told us that it should feel like you're pressing down on your own palm, so we both pressed on each others palms and squeezed a bunch of avocados while giggling uncontrollably like little girls.  It probably was more fun for us than it is for you to read this, but it was pretty silly.  She just makes me giggle :).  We went back to my place and I started prepping the food while we both had a few beers.  I was one ahead of her at first, but she caught up fast, and it turned into a game of 'I win.'  We actually turn a lot of things into that haha.  So when she had finished one of her beers before me, she started making her way to the fridge to pull out another one, but I stepped in front of her so I could try to finish mine so that we'd be even again.  Wellllll..  my plan worked, even more so than I'd hoped.  Instead of trying to get past me, she glided in for a kiss... and it was perfect.  :)  It was definitely the best first kiss I've had in a long time.  I got instant butterflies all over. 

I'll write more later, I need to get to sleep.  But I'm really enjoying myself with her, and getting to know her.  It feels like there's no pressure, and it feels natural.  Good weekend :)

Per request.

Ok so the new girl.  So... she scares me lol.

She scares me because I am so attracted to her, and I havent been attracted to anyone this much since my major ex, Joy, and Joy was the only one that I ever got those kinda butterflies for.  And she scares me because we are finding out that we really look at relationships from a different angle.  I feel like I should go running for the hills...  but I know I won't. 

It is still very new, and we've only hung out once, and we're enjoying getting to know each other over texting and phone calls.  One thing I do like about her is her upfront honesty.  That is something that's been lacking in past relationships... I've dated a lot of secret keepers.  With her, she is open and honest, even if it's something she thinks I might not want to hear.  But I'm finding that she is much more cautious when it comes to love and relationships, but I also think that might be good for me.  I am cautious too at first, but as I've told her, when i fall, I fall hard... and that's 'all she wrote' kinda thing haha.  She is more guarded, and it takes her a long time to be sure about a relationship.  But again, I kind of like that, because I know that she'll never be playing games, won't be saying something and really be holding back in her own mind.  She has said that her biggest issue with past relationships and dates is that the girls wanted too much too fast, and that she doesn't operate like that.  So, I know I need someone who is like that.  I have so much on my plate right now with wanting to make this move in a few months, and get a new job there, and find a place to live... I don't want to get distracted.  If you know me at all, you know that relationships definitely distract me haha.  I end up putting so much of myself into them, that I lose sight of so many other things.  So to take things really slow with someone, it would be perfect. 

Oh, and she looks really young haha, but she is actually 4 months older than me.  yes... 4 whole months lol.  But Squirty got to meet her for 2 minutes when she and I hung out, because I was picking up a key from Squirt to be able to get in her house later to sleep there.  The next morning when Squirt and I were having coffee and breakfast, she said 'what is she like 18 kelly???'  haha..  it was funny.  But New Girl is ummm..  yeah. she's just really fuckin cute.  She's got a great body, a really adorable smile, and the sweetest girly voice I've ever heard, and she's also really shy in person, which to me is just so endearing.  I'm finding that she's strong willed, knows who she is and what she wants, but that softness and shy demeanor to her just makes me melt.  We went to a couple places for drinks (we were both exploring the city because she just recently moved there and I havent moved there yet) and we also went to this old timey theater to see 'The Kids Are All Right'.  Since the theater was old, it didn't have cup holders to hold the drink that we shared, so she put it in between her legs while I held the popcorn.  At one point, I signaled that i wanted the drink and she just grinned at me so I had to grab the drink from between her legs.  When I was done with it, I tried to hand it back to her, but she decided to just open her legs for me to put it back in its place instead.  We both giggled and locked eyes for a split second before we both jolted our faces back towards the screen.  I'm sure we were both blushing lol.  At the end of the movie, I looked over at her to ask if she'd liked it, and she whispered in her sweetest girly voice 'I hafta peeee so bad'.  Lol... please don't ask me why, but it was just the sweet tone of her voice when she said it that had me swooning, and thinking oh my god she's so fuckin cute.  We went out to another place to get some grub and some drinks, and lucky for her, her favorite thing was on the big screen-baseball.  When the drinks came, she started dancing in her seat, and then again when the food came.  I'm telling you... she is just so fucking cute.  She also danced in her seat to some music in my car.  :)  At the end of the date, when I was dropping her off back home, I pulled up to her place and she said 'ok... now for the awkward first goodbye' with a big smile.  I got out of the car and met her on her side.  I wanted to kiss her so bad, and she locked eyes with me and I could tell she wanted to also... but we were both just so nervous and shy, so I just went in for a hug.  Well it ended up being a fabulous hug, we just stood there for what seemed like 3 minutes and hugged each other really tight, and rubbed each others' backs...  it just felt so good.  I should have just lifted my head and kissed her, but I'm kinda glad that I didnt, because it gives us something to look foward to.  She smelled soooooo good too. I know that when we see each other next, we won't be as shy since we've been talking so much.  When I left, I texted her that i had wanted to kiss her but was too nervous, and she texted back 'ditto... hence the awkward goodbye :-)' 

So yeah, she scares me.  I'm gonna try to just keep my cool.  I really need to do that, for myself anyway.  I have a lot that I want to accomplish in the next few months, but it's still fun to feel the butterflies every now and then :).

100 posts!

I just realized that I just hit 100 posts on this blog.  To celebrate, I'm going to write an updated list of my '100 Things About Me.'  I recently read over my list (look for it in my bio on here) and realized that some of the things on my list have changed, or the ideals have changed...  but I guess a lot can change in a year.  I wrote it one year ago next month, so I think I'll start a tradition of trying to make a new list every year.  This should be fun, to see what has changed, and see what else I can come up with.  Keep an eye out for it, it'll probably take me a bit to complete it.  :)

geeeetar. and my dad.

So SquirtyB has been responsible for introducing me to a lot of great music.  The first one I fell in love with was Grace Potter.  And then she told me about Brandi Carlile.  I even had the opportunity to see Brandi with Squirt, but I decided to proceed with a really bad date instead lol (when will i learn??).  Anyway... this new girl I'm talkin to calls Brandi her gf... so I decided it was time to go ahead and listen to her, and download some of her songs, so I'd have something in my car to play when new girl was riding with me.  Well...  yeah I think I'm falling in love with her too.  Brandi, I mean, lol.  I've been saying for years now that I want to learn how to play my guitar (yes... i have a beautiful brand new acoustic guitar, and I got it for my birthday from my dad a few years ago, and I have never learned how to play it, and it's currently sitting in my dad's garage in her hard case, and suddenly she's calling me name).  Listening to Brandi Carlile has really made me want to learn to play, and learn some of her songs.  So I found some of her sheet music, and I'm gonna take it to my dad and start lessons.  My favorite cousin came down recently, and while we were all havin some drinks and playin pool at my dad's house... he got out my dad's guitar and sang a song that he dedicated to me, and then my dad played some and then he played some more...  and all i wanted to do was go over and grab that guitar and sing my own song.  My aunt and uncle also sing and play a bunch of instruments...  it's just in our blood.  I used to play piano...  but guitar just seems so much more my style haha.  Anyway... I'm hopin my dad's up for it, and I think he will be since he recently made a comment about how he doesn't feel like I show him enough love.  I kind of liked hearing this from him, just for the simple fact that he and I are both getting more vocal about wanting to be close with each other.  It's not something that he's said easily before.  So I think this is the perfect way for us to bond... him teaching me one of his passions and hobbies. 

Well hi there.

So I took a little trip to the city where I'm thinkin about movin (and this is where my Squirty B lives, and she graciously let me crash on her couch) and I had a good trip there.  It was my first trip there that was for the purposes of lookin around to see salons where i could work.  I went into quite a few, and there is one that is really standing out to me.  She and I had been emailing back and forth for the past week, and I got to see her, but she was busy with a client so I didn't get to sit and talk with her.  But the place is really cute, it's an old house that's been converted into a business..  and just being in there.. I felt so stylish and cute and confident... like it was a place that I would want to promote and tell people that i worked there.  Plus the owner had told me through emails that she sends her stylists to New York for training classes in hair...  I would literally be on cloud 9.  :) 

I am literally just saving up every last penny that I can at the point, so that i can move in a few months, and have a nice cushion to fall back on.  I want to make a few more trips, and take a look at a few more salons that I just found out about.  Oh and now I have another friend that says she would move there with me.. she's actually way out in AZ but she wants to move here, and we were talking about living together in the city I am in now.  Well I told her that i wanted to move, and she said that she'd actually already been looking at schools there, she wants to go to hair schools too (aww!).  I had cut her hair a few months ago when she was out here visiting, and she said that me cutting her hair, and all of the passion that I put into it, inspired her to follow her heart and go to hair school, like she's always wanted to.  :)  What a compliment! 

Oh and I met a new girl, and she is sweet and cute as hell, and she gives me butterflies (and I give her the same butterfliesss!!!), and I met her for the first time while I was in the new city visiting.  :)  It is of course very new, and I don't want to get my hopes up about her, and subconciously make this move somewhat about the idea of finding love there...  I really want to make this decision about myself, and about making myself happy and maybe even finding 'home' even if I don't end up staying there.  Whatever is meant to happen, will happen.  I just need a change, and I know that I need to just go ahead and do it for myself, rather than waiting for life to happen around me.  I'm excited to see how this all plays out for me, and excited for some long needed and awaited CHANGE. :)

So much to say!

Ok so I have a new plan that I'm considering working towards.  So maybe it's more of a new idea, but I'm definitely looking into it.

As many of you might know...  I have been living in the same city since I was born.  And you may also know... that I want... OUT!  I have been longing for a change of scenery ever since I can remember.  It's weird to feel like you don't belong where you've always been.  About the only thing I think I'll miss here is the beach... but I could do without that for a chance to see and experience new things, new people, new surroundings... a new life.  I'm just ready to get out of here.

I was talking to an old coworker on the phone the other day.  She and I worked together everyday for 4 years, and we of course became very close.  I have since quit the salon (about 8 months ago) and she has since moved 4 states away after getting married and he got stationed down there.  So our 'catch up' phone calls end up including about every detail of our lives that we've missed since being apart haha.  Well... after 3 minutes of talking... she stopped talking about her latest story and said 'kelly... what's wrong?'  to which I replied... huh?  What are you talking about?  Well... she could hear it in my voice, like only she would be able to.  But she just knows when I'm not at my usual 100%.  And, without me having to even say it.. (or even realize what my underlying tones really mean at the time) she tells me that she thinks I should move already.  She has a cousin who is moving to Richmond (which is about 2 hours away) and that she thinks I should go with her, and be roommates.  Ok so 2 hours away doesn't sound like a big move... but the difference in culture and surroundings would be great.  The gay scene is bigger there (as it is in any bigger city I guess), the art scene is definitely bigger there... just so many more possibilities.

I brushed it off when she first said it... but I've really been thinking about it.  On top of moving, I think I want to get back into a salon.  I have loved doing my own thing (and most importantly, making my own hours and MONEY), but I miss being a part of a salon family.  My life has become lonely.  I go to my clients' homes, do their hair, and then leave by myself.  I have made some new friends and acquaintances by doing this, but nothing like what I had when I was working in the salon.  But I don't want to work in a different salon in this area.  I think I just have a mental block against this place at this point.  I don't want to get into anything that would tie me down here.  I've had 2 clients here offer to even open salons for me... and I've turned them down.  I have my reasons... I don't want to be a part of anything that keeps me here.  So I've been doing some online research about salons there, and been in touch with a couple of them.  I've sent my resume off, and gotten invited to visit a few there. 

I've talked to the cousin that is moving there... but not sure that I'd want to live with her.  I've had a lot of bad roommate situations, and I wouldn't ever want to have a reason to not be ok with her family.  Plus I have no idea how 'okay' she'd be with the gay thing.  I think on the outside she'd be fine with it... but if I start dating someone it could be a different story.  She just seems a little more sheltered... but who knows.  We're gonna have lunch and talk about everything and then I'll have a better idea of if we'd be good roommates. So I might just look for another roommate there... but not sure about that yet. 

Also, I'm thinking that because this city is still somewhat close to home, I could definitely keep some of my clients, just come home a couple times a month to keep up with them, so I could keep that portion of my income until I start making more money there. 

This all might sound like a small change, small move to some of you... but this is huge for me.  I love that city, love the atmosphere there... but I'm still scared.  My reason for being scared is money.  I'm just scared that I won't be able to do it all on my own.  But I think if I have a real goal to work towards, and the idea of being somewhere where I feel more like myself, and around people that i might even have more in common with...  I would work harder to be able to sustain the new lifestyle.  I think my issue is just that I've kinda always had a helping hand from my parents in one way or another, which in turn has left me feeling like I might not be able to do it on my own.  But I can.  I have the passion and the talent to make something of myself.  I know I can do this... and I'm getting really excited about it. It'll be a few months before I move if everythign works out, I want to save up more money before moving away so I have a cushion. 

Sound like a good idea?

Let's see.

I'm really feeling things build up lately, and I don't like it.  The 'one more bad date' and Jamie, this person that i called a friend, stealing something that was so personal and sentimental to me (read my past two blog posts)...  and a few other things.  I just can really feel things weighing on me, and I can feel it all getting heavier and heavier.  It might not even be things that are that bad, it's definitely not anything I can't handle, but I just can't stand feeling this way.  I want to tell myself that this is me hitting rock bottom, because once you hit rock bottom you can only go up.  I thrive on being a positive and happy person, and whenever that's not my mood, it really affects me.  It makes me not able to focus on things, makes me feel completely uninspired, and unmotivated to do anything. 

My closest friend right now, H, has really gone off the deep end lately.  She's been going through a lot, and it's gotten to the point where I don't really know how to help her or communicate with her anymore.  She's drinking everyday, and it's just not fun anymore.  At the beginning of the summer, it really was just all about having fun, but now it's like she's drowning her sorrows in it, and she's also started dating her new neighbor who is very recently going through a divorce....  I'm talking about like a couple weeks before H and he met, and started dating.  So now, she's putting all of her time into him, and all I hear about are her drunken episodes, how they've already fought so many times, but that she still wants to hang out with him cuz she doesn't wanna be alone.  So yeah, the entire situation is not any fun for me anymore.  Like, at all.  I'm really over it actually. 

Other friends have moved away, other friends turned out to not be friends at all, and overall I'm just feeling really disconnected.  I went and saw a friend and her gf this past weekend, and we had fun, I always love going there and seeing her, but her gf got upset with me over something that I said, that either came out the wrong way, or she took the wrong way.  We were both drinking, so I don't even really remember what was said, but i just remember all of a sudden feeling like she thought i was a giant asshole, and there wasn't really a way to talk myself out of it.  As much as I tried, it was just silence on the other end. I don't know... but it was just like one more thing that I had to sulk about and deal with...  And it was really nobody's fault, well maybe it was my fault and I just don't know or don't remember, but ugh.  I'm really just needing a bright light at the end of this tunnel. 

I think that right now, while I'm feeling disconnected anyway, it's gonna be a really good time to just work on myself.  I'm not happy with my weight and health, and I want to work on that.  I saw my trainer today, and she's just gotten affiliated with a company that does healthy living and meal plans, and she's a health coach.  We had a long long talk about how I've been feeling, and she helped me to see that I need to work on my relationship with myself to be able to get out of this tunnel.  I need this, and I deserve this.  It's going to be a lot of work, but I realize now more than ever how much I need this kind of change for myself.  I need to feel good about myself, and I think that just that simple change about how I feel about me, will change so much of how I feel about the world around me.  She has said that if I start working now, I could lose 40lbs by Christmas.  I don't want to plan on that, because I've never lost that much weight at one time, and it just sounds completely unattainable, but I am going to just focus on losing 20lbs to start with.  I need to actually lose about 60lbs according to my height, to be in a healthy place, but I need to start with baby steps.  I also think that losing 20lbs would just make me feel so great, and hopefully will be the jumping off point for change. 

I know I need to change something, because whatever I'm doing now isn't working, and I can feel it everyday.  I need change.  I need to feel the sunshine in my life again.

Fawk You Friday!!!

This is my first time participating in a Fawk You Friday, and I have to say that it is the PERFECT day for me to start.  I'm livid right now.  Read on, but be warned that this is NO NICE POST.

Ok so.  Let me just go ahead and get it out there.  FAWK YOU JAMIE.  For real.  Fawk you.  And I know I don't usually use names in my blog, but I am just so mad that I don't care. Jamie.  The bitch's name is JAMIE. 

Jamie and I have known each other for a little over a year now.  Last summer was a blast.  I lived in an apartment with my roommate chris, and although he was the messiest roommate, we got along really well.  You wouldn't think so if you read some of my old posts lol...  but of course this blog was my place to vent haha.  He and I still talk, he's one of my best buddies.  Well he and I would hang out with a bunch of the other peeps in our apartment complex, and we'd have big group 'family' dinners (as we'd call them), big block parties, all of us would go to the beach every sunday (this is about 10-15 of us i'm talking about).  It was a great summer, probably one of my most favorite ones of all time so far.  Well Jamie was one of those people in our apartment family.  If you asked her, she'd tell you that she was responsible for getting us all together, that she was the one who planned everything, that we should all be grateful to her for such a wonderful summer.  She was the one that most of us wouldn't care if we 'lost.'  She always wanted to be the center of attention.  This included her wanting to make out with all of the girls, and she would frequently flash everyone to show off her pierced nipples.  Whenever we'd throw big parties that we'd invite other friends to, she'd put on some kinda name tag that said 'host', and then get completely pissed off when new people wouldn't show her the respect she so rightfully deserved.  She was a mess.  She has a boyfriend who is quiet and calm and who would usually just sit in their apartment and read or something.  We all had no idea why they were together, how he put up with her. 

Ok so that's the background.  Since last summer, almost everyone moved away.  The people I was closest with moved back home to GA after getting out of the military here.  I moved out of the apt complex late last year, Chris my roommate just recently moved back home to Missouri, and everyone else just kinda dispersed, except for Jamie and her boyfriend.  They stayed there until a few days ago.  I would go and see them sometimes for dinner, and I did her hair FOR FREE for the past year.  Not just haircuts ya'll, I did full highlights and haircuts about every 6 weeks on her.  The past few times I did her hair, I started telling her that I couldn't do it for free anymore, I'm going into business for myself and I need the money.  So she asked me 'ok how much does my color cost you?'  She actually expected to just pay me for what it cost me, not what i charge everyone else.  So for the past 3 times, she's handing me $30 (for what I did to her hair, I would be charging a minimum of $85) and says 'I put a tip in there for ya.'  My goodness.  Thank you, you gracious being.  She would follow up the past 3 hair appts with complaints about her hair a couple days later.  This never happened when it was free.  And her complaints were completely unjustified, especially since she didn't take care of her hair at all, she used shitty shampoo and would always throw her hair up in a messy bun while it's still wet.  It wasn't that I didn't do good work on her, I absolutely did, but don't expect me to run over to your house to redo one or two foils because you don't like the placement of the highlights or a slightly off color of blonde, when I'm a working girl and you're paying me shit.  During the last complaint i got from her via text message, saying that when she pulls her hair back, she can see some roots already on one side, I fought back and said that i have given her free hairdos for a year and i'm tired of her talking to me this way.  I felt that she was always looking for something to complain about, and I was over it.  The argument progressed, and it didn't end nicely.  Jamie, as we know, can do or say no wrong, so there is no sense in fighting with her, there will be no apology or any recognition of her being wrong or out of line. 

A few months ago, she found out that her boyfriend is getting stationed about 5 hours from here, and that they'd be moving near the beginning of august.  Well, when i moved out of that apartment back at the end of last year, I was having to put most of my stuff in storage, one of the things being my big $800 cherry oak sleigh bed frame.  My dad gave me this bed frame for my 21st birthday, and I got to pick it out myself.  I LOVE THIS BED ok.  I'm short, only 5'1, and i have to climb up onto it.  But I didn't have room for it where I was moving, so the plan was to put it in storage.  While Jamie was over visiting me as I was packing up, she asked if she could use the bed frame until I needed it again, since their mattresses were just laying on the floor.  I said sure... it was just going into storage anyway.  So they took it.  Well since they'd made plans for moving, we'd been conversing over when I could come get the bed.  As far as I knew, I had until the beginning of next week before they were moving.  I hadn't heard anything different, and hadn't talked to her since the middle of July.  I had told her that I needed to find someone with a truck that i could use to pick it up.  Well, with starting my new job, and recently taking on quite a few new hair clients, and also working on a painting project that the guy has agreed to pay me $800 for (yayyyyy!  go meee!!) I hadn't rounded up a truck yet.  Well, just yesterday morning, I get on facebook and see that Jamie has posted a status saying 'goodbye face book'.  Hmmm.  Why goodbye facebook?  I don't get it.  So I text her. 

Me: 'hey have you already moved??' 

Jamie:  Yes ma'am

Me:  Um ok.  So where's my bed?

Jamie:  Here.

Me:  What?  you took it with you?  Are you serious?

Jamie:  Yes.  I gave you plenty of time to come and get it, and I wasn't going to just let it sit by the dumpster.

OH.  MY.  GOD.  The little bitch stole my bed frame, and she left a week earlier than she had told me.  When I start going off on her, she says that she figured that since I hadn't come to get it, she thought I didn't want it, and that she's had far more things to worry about than my bed frame getting back to me, and starts talking about how her mom is in the hospital and she's been working and packing and BLAH BLAH BLAH.  Are you serious, you asshole???  I told her that it was never a question of 'if' i was going to get it, it was a question of 'when'.  I said that after all i had done for her, I never thought that she'd be capable of stealing something so big from me.  I also mentioned that it was funny how I was always the one standing up for her to everyone else when we'd all get tired of her bullshit, and that in the end she screws me over the worst.  Well the little shit told me that she's not my babysitter (ahem?  excuse me?) and that it wasn't her responsibility to make sure that I got my stuff before she moved, and that if I wanted it, I could come and get it, or I could send her money to ship it to me.  I.  Am.  Livid. 

Ok ok ok.  Shake it off.  Seriously, I'm having to pace back and forth and shake my hands off to keep from screaming.  This happened yesterday, and just from writing about it, the rage is filling me up all over again.  I just don't know how some people's minds work.  I can't imagine doing that to someone else that I once called a friend, and to someone who had done so much for me already.  I don't know how she is able to sleep peacefully at night, AND IN MY BED.  I've lost something that was sentimental to me, and was damn expensive.  Yes, it is only a piece of furniture, and I don't need it to survive or anything, but god damn.  I'll get over it, and at least I know that karma isn't going to be coming for me. 

But yeah.  Fuck YOU Jamie. 

Another bad date for the books.

I'm actually seriously thinking about writing a book about all of my bad dates.  And I have another story to add to the list. 

So I've been talking to this woman for about a week.  She's 36, a high school theater teacher, and she also directs plays and things of that nature all over the place.  She's also working on getting her masters in theater, and wants to be a theater professor at a local college.  She also acts in plays and dinner theater too.  We were both attracted to each other's artistic creativity while getting to know each other, but it slowly became obvious that she was much more attracted to her own capabilities and achievements than my own, or anyone else's for that matter.  Still, she has accomplished so much, so I took it as she's just proud of her life, and wants to share it with me, and maybe she's just a little on the nervous side when getting to know someone, and hopefully she'll calm down with the 'i did this with this famous person, and worked with this famous person, and i've met so and so and me me me and i i i'.  I was hopeful.  It was interesting to talk to someone who was so passionate about the arts, as I am, so I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. 

I'm not sure that I'll ever learn to just trust my initial judgements or feelings.  I need to. 

Anyway, she wants to take me out for drinks, and we decide to meet at a place of my choosing after I'm done with a client around 9.  I get there first, get a table, and wait.  She comes in and we hug, and sit down, and order drinks.  Within 5 minutes of sitting down, she's is texting on her phone.  This has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves, and I think it's completely rude and inappropriate on a first date.  The rest of the date went something like this:  She'd ask me questions about myself or how my day was or things of that nature, and then interrupt me with a new story of her own.  She'd tell me to order whatever I wanted for drinks, or appetizers to share, and so I did.  I had 3 drinks, and we ordered a plate of potato skins to share.  She continues to text off and on, saying that it's people from her dinner theater asking her questions because she's not there, but she had already told me that the dinner theater is over between 830 and 9, and it is after 10 at this point, so right away I know she's lying.  She asks me more questions, and then as I'm answering, she starts texting under the table, as if I'm not going to know what she's doing.  At one point she even pointed out every piece of clothing that she had chosen to wear that night, and explained in detail how she loves her own personal style.  By the time the waiter came over to ask if we were ready for the check, I was over it.  He asked if we wanted the check seperate or together, and she said together is fine.  Well the check comes, and he sets it on the table between us, where it sits for at least another 5 minutes.  I'm totally confused the whole time, and wondering why she's not picking it up, and trying to not make eye contact with it.  After a while, she looks down at it, and says 'ok well I only have cash... and it's $49.54!'  I just look at her, without any idea of how I'm supposed to respond, so I say, 'ok do you want me to help with the bill?  All I have is a card...'  and she says 'Well I guess you're gonna have to just put it on your card then.'  Really?  I mean really.  I put my card down, and she tosses a $10 bill at me.  When he brings the card and receipt back, she says that she'll get the tip, and folds up some money and puts it on the tray.  I would have never asked this if she had been paying for it, but since I was paying, I asked her how much did she leave.  She said $7.  I said... 'ummm what?  The bill was $50, and you're leaving him $7???'  She said 'sorry, my math is horrible, is that not good enough?'  I was appalled.  I said ok well I'm gonna leave more for him, and she said no no, and threw down another 3 dollars.  I still wanted to leave more, the guy was an absolute cutie, was very friendly and gave us excellent service.  I just couldn't believe how cheap she was. 

I mean, really??????

New Job and Shark Week YES.

SHARK WEEK starts tonight on the discovery channel, and I'm SO excited lol. 

So I started my new coffee shop job on Saturday.  I have to say that I kinda have mixed feelings about it.  I really love the atmosphere there, and I already really like the customers.  Some of the regulars are already learning my name, and I think it's cute that customers are introducing themselves to me, 'Oh you must be new!  Hi!  It's nice to meet you!'  It's pretty precious.  This is why I love coffee shops though...  you only get to see these customers for 5 minutes a day, but it's a part of their day that they look foward to, so they're always happy to see you.  :)



But yeah, the thing I'm not too crazy about, is my coworkers.  They're not the typical coffee shop crew, or the ones that I've met so far anyway.  I've worked 2 shifts so far, and have worked with this one girl both times.  She has been there for 4 years, and she has told me that she's flat out sick of this job, and that she's going to nursing school and can't wait to leave.  So needless to say, she gets easily irritated with very small things, and this isnt exactly great for me, the new girl.  She's kinda funny though.  Sometimes she'll be irritable, and then she'll snap out of it quicker than I can do a double take, and starts getting all excited about the fact that I do hair, and how she wants me to do her hair, and just can't wait and oh my god.  lol...  I just don't know what to expect with her.  So when she's all being nice and friendly, I milk it for all it's worth!  I start getting excited too, and then bring up other topics that are friendly topics and that I can see she gets happy about.  I'm just gonna have to kill her with kindness til we get used to each other lol.

I really think that it's just gonna be a period of adjustment, which there is in any job of course.  But she is a manager there, and she just has no idea how to manage.  She kinda just became manager because she's the one that's been there the longest, I'm guessing.  So far, she's made 2 mistakes (one during each of my shifts) and has somehow tried to pin it on me, because I guess it's easy to blame things on the new girl that's still learning.  I of course have made several mistakes, and forgotten some things, but I'm already getting better.  I still have yet to make more than just a couple drinks, I've been spending most of my time there learning the register.  This is no easy task ya'll... for real.  I mean, this place is like a full cafe, with breakfast and lunch served all day, and hot drinks, cold drinks, smoothies, blended drinks, italian sodas that we make, and a full bakery.  It's a lot to learn, and there are seperate screens for each one of those categories, and some of the items are misplaced... and it's just a lot to learn, when you have to meander around all these different screens to find what you're looking for, and the customer in front of you is going down their list of 3 sandwiches all prepared differently, and 6 drinks and different too. 

BUT!  Overall, I think that once I actually get into the swing of things, I'm gonna feel a lot better about it all.  It's really fast paced at times, and I love that part of it.  Time flies by, and hey, I get free coffee :)

Oh and guess what else?  She has an artist's paintings hanging on the walls, and she said I can bring in my paintings and hang them up to sell them.  CHYEAHHH!

Coffee shop love :)

So I am really REALLY excited to say that I got a new job, and I'm starting tomorrow.  :)

I had said that I was gonna start that other extrememly part time job previously this week.  Well that didn't happen.  I got ridiculously sick the night before I was about to start.  Apparently my friends and I were passing around some kind of stomach virus, and it had me up getting sick all night, and some the next day.  I was dizzy and weak for about 2 days.  Yeah, was lots of fun.  So anyway, Wed morning I had a client (that I definitely didn't wanna get outta bed for, was still not back to 100% awesomeness) but I did anyway.  I love this guy.  He's the CEO of the financial planning firm that I'm working with, he's absolutely hilarious, and he always wants me to come to his office to cut his hair.  So 9am wed morning, that's where I was.  Everytime I go to cut his hair, I go into this adorable little coffee shop that's a couple blocks away when I'm done.  Everytime I've been in there, I've asked if they're hiring, and the girl working behind the counter would always say she didn't know but that the owner wasn't there, so I should come back in a couple weeks.  Well THIS TIME!  The owner was there, and she was this little asian lady who was up working with the girl, and she's pregnant.  One of the customers who I assume is a regular said 'what are you doing working!!  you should be off your feet!" and the owner said that she'd had 3 girls leave and that she's having to pick up the slack.  Well I immediately yelled out "well are you hiring?????" with a big smile, and the girl handed me an application.  I started filling it out right there while they made my coffee drink and breakfast sandwich.  The girl brought me my drink with a smile, and as I finished up my application my sandwich was ready.  I was originally going to get it to go, but I sat down and ate it there, just in case the owner wanted to talk to me then.  When all the other customers had left, the owner looked over my app and started asking me questions from behind the counter.  "So you've started your own business then?"  and i told her about my hair and art stuff.  She then came over and sat with me, we talked for about another 5 minutes, and she hired me on the spot :).  "How soon can you start??"  hehe... I start tomorrow morning. 

Yes I know this might not sound like a huge deal to you, but you just don't understand my love of coffee shops.  I eventually want to open my own coffee shop in some small town somewhere, so I've been wanting to get back into a coffee shop to get around it again, so I can start relearning the business of it.  And this place is so cute...  I'll have to post pictures.  My most favorite job ever was working in a coffee shop.  I'm.  Just.  So.  Excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On an even better note, this week has been really good for my hair business.  Even with my sickyness, I got a total of 5 new clients this week.  This is huge!  I had 4 new clients last week.  All of my new clients have loved their hair, I've even gotten a couple of emails thanking me for such a good job, and how much they just love it.  A few are passing out flyers for me, and everyone's just been really supportive.  I really feel like things are finally on the way up, and life is just getting better and better.  Maybe that tarot card reading was right!  Or maybe it just gave me the boost that I needed :)  yay!!!

ok ok ok.

I know I haven't been keeping up very well with writing in here.  To be honest, I just haven't felt like it lately. 

I'm starting a new EXTREMELY part time job this tuesday.  I signed on with a temp agency, and they found me the job.  It's only one day a week, but the girl that I'm working with at the agency is looking for other things to fill up my other days.  I guess it's a start haha.  But I have been getting busier with hair clients too..  had a good week last week, and having another good one this week. 

Oh yeah I got a tarot card reading done..  there was a girl giving them at this event that i was involved in, I was a vendor in it, showing off my artwork and advertising my hair services.  The event was a total flop..  hardly anyone showed up and we had been working on this thing for almost 2 months.  We had 11 vendors... and maybe 15 guests came?  It was horrible, but luckily I did make some good contacts with the other vendors, and got a few clients out of it.  Hey... I'll take what I can get!  And one of the girls that I met there, I already did her hair and she LOVED it... seriously the girl went a little crazy she loved it so much haha... and I'm doing her sister's and mom's hair this week, and possibly her aunt in the near future as well.  So you just never know what doors will open.  ANYWAY, about the tarot card reading...  the girl tells you to think about something that has been bothering you, or something that you feel lost about, or just something that you're wanting an answer for.  So I think about my career path. And then I question myself and wonder if I should be thinking about my love life?  And then I flip back and forth between the two like 8 times in a matter of like 3 seconds, and decide to settle on the career path, while keeping the love life in a close second for questioning haha. She puts all the cards face down on the table and tells me to pick out 3 cards and place them down in front of me in the order that i pick them.  These represent the past, present, and future of whatever it is that I'm thinking about.  She turns the first card over, and then she explains to me that the card means that in the past, I had let something go for the greater good of my future, something that I wanted to work out, and that did help me, but that I bravely let it go, and that this was a good idea (I'm immediately thinking of how I left my salon job to go into business for myself, and if I'm thinking about love..  of course that means my exes lol).  The second card is for the present time, and she turns it over and tells me that it means I'm sitting in idle, and that I need to be patient (which is true of both things again..  my career path is kinda sitting still right now..  i mean it's going in the right direction, but just more slowly than I'd like;  and also my love life is definitely in idle right now...  there is absolutely no one that has my eye right now, and I'm jsut kinda waiting for the right one to come along).  And then for the whopper:  the future card.  She flips it over, and the girl actually lost her breathe and said 'wow... that is a very powerful card.'  It was the empress card, and basically it means that big things are coming my way in the future.  She said that hardly anyone has ever picked this card out of her deck in all the years she's been doing this.  I just stood there and couldn't help but get really excited, and also exhaled and just calmed down inside.  Maybe it's all in fun...  but it's fun to think about and consider!

Ok so I was just reading through the best of craigslist.  Have ya'll read any of these?  I'm picking out some of my favorites.. the ones that had me actually laughing out loud while reading them... and putting them on here for you to read.  Some people are so crazy and ridiculous... and they're all on craigslist!!  I'll warn you though... some of these are extremely X rated... but still SO worth reading!  The first one is my favorite!!  So just read these if you're looking for a good laugh :)

No More Sex With Fruit

Orange Popsicles

Litter Box Cleaning for Pancakes

To Every Male Employee at the Diner haha... this is pretty hilarious too.

Penis Caught In Zipper---Oh dear god! You are kidding me.

ok that's enough for now!  Goodnight!

bzzzzzzzzzzyyy body

I've been so busy lately that i feel like I don't even have time to think lol.  It's been good though.  I think i've busied myself into a body breakdown.  I have a ridiculous cold that I just can't shake for a few days now.  The kind where I can't sleep because I'm up all night coughing, and have to keep shifting in my bed to be able to breathe at all.  But hey!  My abs are getting a long overdue work out hahaha. 

I've cut meat out of my diet for a week now, and gonna try to keep this up for a while.  This is the only way i've ever been able to lose weight, and it always made me feel better too when I did it.  Still eating fish and some poultry, but trying to keep poultry to a minimum too.  Eventually I'll cut that out as well. 

I'm having bouts of really ridiculous emotionalness.  I'm crying all the time lately, over being happy and being sad haha.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I cry over happy movies the most though.  I watched Mr. Holland's Opus (one of my all time favorite movies, probably seen it like 50 times at least) the other day while I was painting, and I sobbed throughout the entire thing lol.  I had to keep stopping my painting because I had to wipe my face, that seemed to be draining every possible way.  It was cute, I'm sure.

But I'm having fun, overall.  H (new best friend) and I are seeing each other almost everyday, drinking A LOT, smokin up sometimes too, and we're at the beach or pool so much that I'm thinking my tan has never looked so gooooood.  I'm looking for a new job, and I'm supposed to hear back from a company today about their decision, went through two interviews with them so far.  I've met a few new girls.  One of them was literally a clone of my major ex Joy.  It was scary.  She walked like her, talked like her, acted like her, had the exact same body shape and posture, same huge boobs (well this girl's were even bigger than Joy's) and the same face shape, she even smelled like her. She's absolutely gorgeous.  I mean..  really, REALLY gorgeous. The only difference was her hair, she had longggg blonde hair down her back, and joy's was shorter and darker (when i did it hehe).  I even told Joy about her, she laughed and said 'oh lord!  maybe you should just lock her in the basement!'  haha.  yeah, one 'joy' is enough for my life lol, not even gonna go there! The hottie was up my butt for a couple weeks, but I think she caught on after a bit. There have been a couple other prospects though, but I'm still keeping an open mind.  Sometimes I feel lonely and just want the comfort of someone there, but I also know that I won't be happy if I rush into something again, and I need to take my time and just let things happen. 

Have a big event tomorrow where I have my own booth to display my art and tell people about how I do hair and come to their houses and stuff, along with 10 other vendors who all do something that has to do with beauty and girly stuff (selling jewelry, skin analysis, massage, we even have a tarot card reader!).  We're all doing raffles and stuff... I'm hoping it's going to be a big deal, we've been planning it for over a month, and it'll be a good way for us all to get our names out there.  I've done probably 5 or 6 new paintings just this week, and I still have a couple more to finish today, so i need to get back to that.  I'll post pictures.