bzzzzzzzzzzyyy body

I've been so busy lately that i feel like I don't even have time to think lol.  It's been good though.  I think i've busied myself into a body breakdown.  I have a ridiculous cold that I just can't shake for a few days now.  The kind where I can't sleep because I'm up all night coughing, and have to keep shifting in my bed to be able to breathe at all.  But hey!  My abs are getting a long overdue work out hahaha. 

I've cut meat out of my diet for a week now, and gonna try to keep this up for a while.  This is the only way i've ever been able to lose weight, and it always made me feel better too when I did it.  Still eating fish and some poultry, but trying to keep poultry to a minimum too.  Eventually I'll cut that out as well. 

I'm having bouts of really ridiculous emotionalness.  I'm crying all the time lately, over being happy and being sad haha.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I cry over happy movies the most though.  I watched Mr. Holland's Opus (one of my all time favorite movies, probably seen it like 50 times at least) the other day while I was painting, and I sobbed throughout the entire thing lol.  I had to keep stopping my painting because I had to wipe my face, that seemed to be draining every possible way.  It was cute, I'm sure.

But I'm having fun, overall.  H (new best friend) and I are seeing each other almost everyday, drinking A LOT, smokin up sometimes too, and we're at the beach or pool so much that I'm thinking my tan has never looked so gooooood.  I'm looking for a new job, and I'm supposed to hear back from a company today about their decision, went through two interviews with them so far.  I've met a few new girls.  One of them was literally a clone of my major ex Joy.  It was scary.  She walked like her, talked like her, acted like her, had the exact same body shape and posture, same huge boobs (well this girl's were even bigger than Joy's) and the same face shape, she even smelled like her. She's absolutely gorgeous.  I mean..  really, REALLY gorgeous. The only difference was her hair, she had longggg blonde hair down her back, and joy's was shorter and darker (when i did it hehe).  I even told Joy about her, she laughed and said 'oh lord!  maybe you should just lock her in the basement!'  haha.  yeah, one 'joy' is enough for my life lol, not even gonna go there! The hottie was up my butt for a couple weeks, but I think she caught on after a bit. There have been a couple other prospects though, but I'm still keeping an open mind.  Sometimes I feel lonely and just want the comfort of someone there, but I also know that I won't be happy if I rush into something again, and I need to take my time and just let things happen. 

Have a big event tomorrow where I have my own booth to display my art and tell people about how I do hair and come to their houses and stuff, along with 10 other vendors who all do something that has to do with beauty and girly stuff (selling jewelry, skin analysis, massage, we even have a tarot card reader!).  We're all doing raffles and stuff... I'm hoping it's going to be a big deal, we've been planning it for over a month, and it'll be a good way for us all to get our names out there.  I've done probably 5 or 6 new paintings just this week, and I still have a couple more to finish today, so i need to get back to that.  I'll post pictures. 

But everytime I close my eyes, I see my name in shining lights.

Had another fantabulous weekend!  I may not remember all of it, but I do remember that it was great.  My summer tan is off to a head start with all this ridiculous HEAT, so if I'm outside, I'm in the pool haha.  My shoulders and thighs are peeling as we speak. Or, maybe as I type, and you read.  heh.

My friend H and I have been spending a lot of time together.  I'm really excited about how well we get along, it's been a couple years since I really felt like I had a best friend.  She's been a client of mine for a couple years, but we just started hanging out this year as friends.  She's the one that I'm going to be getting a place with.  I just love her to pieces.  We always have a good time, usually end up laughing for hours and getting a little messed up haha.  I took her with me to see Squirty this past weekend.  We all went to Squirt's horsey barn, met her horses, and watched her ride.  She offered to let me ride her GYNORMOUS horsey when she was done, but it was just so hot outside that by then I felt a little like I was dying.  hehe ok...  maybe not DYING but still...  sooooooo not comfy.  After that, we headed back to the house to freshen up, and then headed out to that same bar where I saw my dream girl about a month ago or so.  The freakin bar was empty as hell...  like.. freakishly empty.  But we still danced for a bit, H even spinned around the big pole in the middle of the dance floor (that was a sight, the only straight girl in there swinging on a pole in a lesbo bar hahaha) and we had some drinks, met a girl who had a tattoo on her ear, and I pouted a little bit about not seeing my dream girl again.  We tried a couple other places when we finally realized that it wasnt going to pick up at all that night, the first place scared the bejeezes outta me, so we tried another place that was jam packed, and H found a new dancing partner who pulled her up on stage and then blew her off 3 minutes later.  I'd be surprised if she remembers that lol, we had just sucked down the final redbull and vodka of the night.  When we got home, we ate our leftover pizza and hummus, did a little bit more of what Katt Williams (that guy is hilariousss) would say is his favorite pasttime, and basically passed out. 

Squirt filled our bellies with yum yum pancakes and coffee the next morning, and we were on our way home.  We got stuck in traffic and tried to take a detour around it... got totally lost hahaha.  We ended up on the Colonial Parkway in Williamsburg, which apparently is a NEVER ENDING but gorgeous place.  They even have beaches out there.  I kept thinking that it would end and somehow lead us back to the interstate, but it never did, so we were on that thing for a little over an hour, from start to finish (which was back where we started).  Even that was fun though, we were jammin out to 'I wanna be a billionaireee so fuckin bad...  buy all of the things I never had...'  omgosh i love that song lol.  We probably repeated it like 10 times. 

The rest of the weekend was spent doing some hair clients, in the pool, and at a bbq.  I love summatime!!

Summatiiiiiiiime and the livin's easy.

Man...  there's just a whole different feeling in the air, when it's summertime.  I'm really just having a great time, and I am loving this feeling.  I feel like life is just full of possibilities, and it's all being laid out before me.  I told myself at the beginning of this year, that this was going to be 'MY YEAR'.  My year to make something of myself, my year to fall in love, my year to learn more about myself, my year to discover what it is that I'm really looking for, my year to just flat out be happy.  And guess what?  It's working.  I'm happy.  chyeahhh!

I'll tell ya what, sometimes being single is flippin awesome.  It's especially awesome when you're not hung up on anyone, and truly just living for yourself.  I had another amazing beach night with a new flame.  This flame (if it even goes this far) is going to be nothing serious at all, we've already established that we are just NOT RIGHT for each other as far as relationships go.  But the sexual chemistry is definitely there, and I think it might be good for me to just let myself go, and enjoy something just for the fun of it.  It's pretty funny how we met, she's actually that other ex of the nasty ex I had written about recently a few times.  She and I had been friends on facebook for a long long time, and would say heyyy what's up every now and then, but we never really talked much until we started just recently comparing stores about the ex.  Lol...  sorry if this is hard to follow.  We'll call the 'new flame' Anne, so as to not further complicate this story lol. 

Anyway, Anne's and my convos seemed to somehow make their way into flirtations, that ended up getting super scandalous before we even knew it, and i'll tell ya what, it's a blast haha.  It's exhilarating actually.  She's totally not my type, in any sense of the word, but I think that's why it seems so appealing.  She's cocky, extremely outspoken, has absolutely no limits in life, and is apparently very confident in her own abilities.  I have yet to see if these claims to fame are more than just...  well... claims to fame...  but I might just have to find out.  I, on the other hand, tend to be more reserved with matters like this, and it has seriously been years since I've actually purposefully engaged in a 'free-love' kinda thing.  I've had my heart set on 'finding the one' for so long...  I just haven't considered this to be a possibility for my own actions in years...  does that make sense?

Back to our night on the beach.  We got two bottles of wine a couple nights ago, and headed down to the beach at around 10pm.  I keep a big beach towel and blanket in my trunk for beach nights like these.  We downed the first bottle of wine, stripped our clothes off, and ran naked into the water.  Oh, my god.  I can't even explain the feeling you get when you're naked in the ocean, when there's no one around for miles, when the only light that you see is from the moon and the stars...  It's just amazing.  She and I wrestled in the waves, got back out, drank our second bottle of wine while wrapped up in the blanket, and went right back in the water for at least another 30 minutes.  At one point, I jumped on her, and our legs intertwined, and it was all I could do to not kiss her, but for some reason, we held off. The combination of her skin and the water felt like silk all over my body.  The feeling of our breasts brushing up against each other was intoxicating.  Each touch between us was short lived (just enough to be a tease) because the waves were huge, and it was impossible to keep holding on to each other without going under.  After more and more romping in the waves, we got out for good, and went back to the blanket.  We stayed in the nude, and just cuddled up under the blanket and told each other funny stories and just laughed and laughed, she made quite a few flirtacious comments towards me and even interrupted one of my stories to say 'ugh it's just so hard not to kiss you,' and at some point, we dropped the blanket.  By now we were anything but shy with each other when it came to our nakedness, when low and behold, she jumps and screams 'oh my god!' and motions behind me.  I turn to see about 8 people walking down to the water about 40 ft away from us.  It was around 1am at this point, and the last thing we thought we'd see was other people on this dark and deserted beach.  We started laughing hysterically (muffled of course, as to not draw attention to ourselves) as we scrambled to wrap the blanket around ourselves again.  Thankfully, it really was too dark for them to see us, but was still hilarious. 

It was such an amazing night.  We never did kiss, but we plan to go back and have another beach night soon.  I'm thinking that my first sex of this summer is gonna be amazing.  She makes me feel sexy as hell, adventurous, and alive. It's just what I need.

Ok, time for a smile.

So I promised details on new events a couple posts ago, so here we are.  The first thing was that I was talking to someone new who was peeking my interest.  Well my peek flat out dropped hahaha.  Had a date with her last sunday, and we had fun meeting up in a city that was between us, went to a couple museums, walked under a bridge and explored, and then out of no where before we're about to head to the dinner restaurant, she seriously attacks me with a really inappropriate first kiss.  With all the messes of my past, I'm really just realizing that there are things that I want, and that I shouldnt settle for less.  And damnit, I want to have a really romantic and amazing first kiss.  I've had one really great first kiss.  We'd had a good share of drinks between us, and decided to go down to the beach at night to sit on a blanket that I always keep in the back of my car, and listen to the waves.  I remember rambling on and on because I was tipsy and nervous, and she just put her hand on the back of my neck, caught my attention, looked me right in the eyes, and said "honey, shush, why don't you just kiss me?"  and I fell right into it, and it was passionate and soft and magical and delicious and sexy and perfect.  I want another moment like that.  So when I'm getting settled in my driver's seat after walking in the rain, looking down to put my seatbelt on, and you pretty much bump my head as you swallow my face with no warning...  that's just not gonna cut it.  Sorry babe.  At 34, you should know by now how to go in for a kiss.  And then the rest of the evening was just awkward.. and then the next day I was bombarded with texts saying that I'm rude and that I'm being short with her.  And I even ended up blowing off a friend that night when she was going to a concert that I would have really enjoyed. 

So ya know what?  I've decided that this summer is going to be mine.  I stayed single all through last summer, and it was the best summer I'd had in years.  I just had fun with my friends, and it was everything I could have needed or wanted.  I've made some new friends over the past year, reconnected with older ones, and I've already had a few crazy random nights of fun this summer. When something is meant to happen, it will. 
And more importantly, I really just need to concentrate on building up my business.  I met with a financial planner last week, and it was honestly the best meeting of my life.  I have never felt more like I'm on the right track.  I'm excited to see my progression in the next year, even just this summer.  I'm really getting my shit together, and it's making me really happy and proud of myself.  Things are even getting better at home, and I'm not feeling as hounded lately.  I had to have a serious talk with my mom about how she needs to just back off instead of wanting to control and 'help' me every minute.  I'm a big girl, and I can handle it, but no one flourishes while being micro-managed by their mother.  The stepdad is learning to shut it too, and is being much more respectful of me.  Good things.

I'm ecstatic that it's summer.  It's just a whole new feeling in the air, and I'm really feeling good about life right now.  Here's to a great summer!!!