Ok so I know it's almost next weekend and I'm just now writing about last weekend hehe. But I went to stay with S (new girl) this past weekend, and ended up staying through Tuesday. I'll tell ya what... I am trying to keep a level head, but she is just... great. :)
We had a little bit of bad luck though, the first night I stayed with her, one of her cats happened to escape through her window. She has an AC unit in her window, and when we woke up after sleeping in until 12 (FINALLY someone who likes to sleep in as much as I do lol) she discovered that one of the sides had been peeled off of the window sill, just big enough for a kitty to fit through. She quickly yelled FIND ALL OF MY CATS! (she has 3) so I jumped up outta bed, and we found 2. We ran outside, but we knew it had been 5 hours since we had gotten up to feed the kitties that morning, so he coulda been gone for quite some time. S is totally against letting me see her cry (so soon anyway) but she couldn't help but break down. We looked around for him for a while, probably looking really funny cuz we both had bed head and only in tank tops and sweat pants, and yelling out 'Rabbit! Here kitty kitty kitty!' (is that not the cutest thing ever? She named her cat Rabbit hehe). After a while, we went back to the backyard and sat out on the patio for a while. She sheepishly let out a couple tears, and was trying to hide it... but it really just made me melt. Her precious little face.. and I just started rubbin her back, and she grasped my hand. She called her mom, and after telling her what happened, she said 'No, she's not supposed to see me cry so soon' as she looked over at me and smiled through her tears. So, she's already told her mom about me, and ugh. I would never want to see her cry, but she just looked so beautiful.
So anyway, we spent the rest of that day walking all around and looking for her cat, after I went to the store to get stuff to make breakfast for her. Yes, we had breakfast around 230 lol. I got her a rose while I was out, and surprised her with it, held it up in front of her face as I hugged her from behind. She showered me with kisses and a tight squeeze. :)
She had to work the next day, and I had a client in town, so I went back to her house when I was done. I cleaned her room, and the whole house actually haha. When she got home from work, she just curled up on me on the couch before we went back out to look around for Rabbit. I love how she just seems to meld to me perfectly when we cuddle. And I love that she always touches me if we're anywhere near each other, even when we're eating. I love the constant contact, and all the kisses. I just feel like this is the way it's supposed to be in the beginning. Just all smiles and kisses and cuddling. I've never had anything ever go so smoothly. So many butterflies all the time, but yet, it still just feels natural and calm. Even with my major ex, we were already arguing by now lol.
I cut her hair... and oh my god... she looks freakin hot. her hair was in a bob before, but we cut it shorter.. a really fractured and texturized cut, where the short little pieces fall right over her eyes... oooooh wow. haha. I thought she was adorable before, but now... just, wow. haha. Yummmmm!
Anyway, when we went out looking for Rabbit Monday night, we took a walk first, and she held my hand the whole time. Even when we were turning around, she'd take my hand with her other hand so she could turn around. It was just so sweet. She'd squeeze my hand every now and then. Anyway, after a while, we actually spotted him. We were then driving around to the neighborhood that is directly behind her house, and saw him there. She jumped outta the car and I put the lights right on him. He crouched down for about 20 seconds before running away when she tried to approach him further. She hasnt caught him yet, but she made flyers and has had a few neighbors call to say they've spotted him too, and she's seen him everyday, just hasnt been able to catch him. I'm just glad that she can at least see him, she was just so scared that he was hurt or something before we saw him. Hopefully she'll figure out a way to catch him, but at least she knows he's ok.
Tuesday, she came home and again curled right up to me on the couch for a while before I had to go home. She kept saying I'm not allowed to go home hehe.
Oh and we took a pretty steamy shower together. It was her idea, I told her she needed to wet her hair down so I could cut it, to which she said 'I'll just take a shower. Wanna join me?' I went red immediately... said 'buttttttt i'm shyyyy about my boddyyyyyyy' and she just started kissing me and so she got her way lol. She's so tiny, like seriously little and perfect and just all together delicious, and for some reason, she's attracted to me and can't keep her hands off me. It's really nice :). And she's just so sweet, and I can see her guard coming down little by little.
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Friday, September 17, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
My weekend.
So I'm learning really fast that I already need to find another part time job. I've gotten two paychecks from the coffee shop and both of them were dramatically less than I had expected. After talking to a few of the girls there, they all said that they're all having paycheck issues, and when they try to talk to the boss lady about it, she gets really defensive and says that we must not be clocking in and out properly (bullshit). I'm already having trouble with scheduling... she always gives me pretty much the opposite of what we had originally discussed while I was being hired... so that is cutting into my hair client time. I'm just going to look for another job... my sole reason for taking this job is to make some extra money so that I can save up a good amount before moving. If I'm not even getting a paycheck for all of my hours working, then what's the point? I just don't want to have to deal with this shit every two weeks.
On the upside of my weekend :)... New Girl came to see me. My parents were out of town for 5 days, so New Girl (we'll call her S) and I looked at our work schedules and decided that she could come here on Sunday and stay through Monday. We hadn't even decided this until just the night before, so I was in a frenzy getting the place ready.. cleaning my room, washing my sheets, shaving my legs hehe... all the while she is laughing at me over the phone saying 'I hope you don't expect me to deep clean my place when you come here!! I'd rather you just see the real me, the slob.' She chuckled. She also sent me pictures of her room, and she's really not that bad, but again, I like that she's honest about who she is. And after dating someone who thought that even every bobby pin should have its place, I have much more in common with someone who is not so uptight. But I also can't wait to go to her place so that I can help her get organized. She just moved into this place a couple months ago, and she still has some stuff in boxes haha.
During the previous week, I had told S that she could earn a massage from me only by payment of kisses. Since we hadn't had a first kiss on the first date, I figured that was fair, and an excuse for her to kiss me. Yes, I have an agenda, lol. So when she got here, we both discovered that we were still just as nervous and giddy around each other as we had been during the first date, even after talking on the phone pretty constantly for almost 2 weeks since our first date. She already knew she was gonna be shy and nervous still, but I had actually thought that I'd be ok. Yeah... I was still nervous lol. It's such a good nervous though.
I surprised her by making avocado egg rolls from scratch (her favorite). I waited for her to get here before we went to the store to get the ingrediants together. We had both never actually bought avocados from the store, so she pulled out her iphone and looked up 'how to tell if an avocado is ripe'. It was pretty hilarious actually... it told us to put the avocado in the palm of your hand, and squeeze to see if it is firm or if the skin is loose. It told us that it should feel like you're pressing down on your own palm, so we both pressed on each others palms and squeezed a bunch of avocados while giggling uncontrollably like little girls. It probably was more fun for us than it is for you to read this, but it was pretty silly. She just makes me giggle :). We went back to my place and I started prepping the food while we both had a few beers. I was one ahead of her at first, but she caught up fast, and it turned into a game of 'I win.' We actually turn a lot of things into that haha. So when she had finished one of her beers before me, she started making her way to the fridge to pull out another one, but I stepped in front of her so I could try to finish mine so that we'd be even again. Wellllll.. my plan worked, even more so than I'd hoped. Instead of trying to get past me, she glided in for a kiss... and it was perfect. :) It was definitely the best first kiss I've had in a long time. I got instant butterflies all over.
I'll write more later, I need to get to sleep. But I'm really enjoying myself with her, and getting to know her. It feels like there's no pressure, and it feels natural. Good weekend :)
On the upside of my weekend :)... New Girl came to see me. My parents were out of town for 5 days, so New Girl (we'll call her S) and I looked at our work schedules and decided that she could come here on Sunday and stay through Monday. We hadn't even decided this until just the night before, so I was in a frenzy getting the place ready.. cleaning my room, washing my sheets, shaving my legs hehe... all the while she is laughing at me over the phone saying 'I hope you don't expect me to deep clean my place when you come here!! I'd rather you just see the real me, the slob.' She chuckled. She also sent me pictures of her room, and she's really not that bad, but again, I like that she's honest about who she is. And after dating someone who thought that even every bobby pin should have its place, I have much more in common with someone who is not so uptight. But I also can't wait to go to her place so that I can help her get organized. She just moved into this place a couple months ago, and she still has some stuff in boxes haha.
During the previous week, I had told S that she could earn a massage from me only by payment of kisses. Since we hadn't had a first kiss on the first date, I figured that was fair, and an excuse for her to kiss me. Yes, I have an agenda, lol. So when she got here, we both discovered that we were still just as nervous and giddy around each other as we had been during the first date, even after talking on the phone pretty constantly for almost 2 weeks since our first date. She already knew she was gonna be shy and nervous still, but I had actually thought that I'd be ok. Yeah... I was still nervous lol. It's such a good nervous though.
I surprised her by making avocado egg rolls from scratch (her favorite). I waited for her to get here before we went to the store to get the ingrediants together. We had both never actually bought avocados from the store, so she pulled out her iphone and looked up 'how to tell if an avocado is ripe'. It was pretty hilarious actually... it told us to put the avocado in the palm of your hand, and squeeze to see if it is firm or if the skin is loose. It told us that it should feel like you're pressing down on your own palm, so we both pressed on each others palms and squeezed a bunch of avocados while giggling uncontrollably like little girls. It probably was more fun for us than it is for you to read this, but it was pretty silly. She just makes me giggle :). We went back to my place and I started prepping the food while we both had a few beers. I was one ahead of her at first, but she caught up fast, and it turned into a game of 'I win.' We actually turn a lot of things into that haha. So when she had finished one of her beers before me, she started making her way to the fridge to pull out another one, but I stepped in front of her so I could try to finish mine so that we'd be even again. Wellllll.. my plan worked, even more so than I'd hoped. Instead of trying to get past me, she glided in for a kiss... and it was perfect. :) It was definitely the best first kiss I've had in a long time. I got instant butterflies all over.
I'll write more later, I need to get to sleep. But I'm really enjoying myself with her, and getting to know her. It feels like there's no pressure, and it feels natural. Good weekend :)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Per request.
Ok so the new girl. So... she scares me lol.
She scares me because I am so attracted to her, and I havent been attracted to anyone this much since my major ex, Joy, and Joy was the only one that I ever got those kinda butterflies for. And she scares me because we are finding out that we really look at relationships from a different angle. I feel like I should go running for the hills... but I know I won't.
It is still very new, and we've only hung out once, and we're enjoying getting to know each other over texting and phone calls. One thing I do like about her is her upfront honesty. That is something that's been lacking in past relationships... I've dated a lot of secret keepers. With her, she is open and honest, even if it's something she thinks I might not want to hear. But I'm finding that she is much more cautious when it comes to love and relationships, but I also think that might be good for me. I am cautious too at first, but as I've told her, when i fall, I fall hard... and that's 'all she wrote' kinda thing haha. She is more guarded, and it takes her a long time to be sure about a relationship. But again, I kind of like that, because I know that she'll never be playing games, won't be saying something and really be holding back in her own mind. She has said that her biggest issue with past relationships and dates is that the girls wanted too much too fast, and that she doesn't operate like that. So, I know I need someone who is like that. I have so much on my plate right now with wanting to make this move in a few months, and get a new job there, and find a place to live... I don't want to get distracted. If you know me at all, you know that relationships definitely distract me haha. I end up putting so much of myself into them, that I lose sight of so many other things. So to take things really slow with someone, it would be perfect.
Oh, and she looks really young haha, but she is actually 4 months older than me. yes... 4 whole months lol. But Squirty got to meet her for 2 minutes when she and I hung out, because I was picking up a key from Squirt to be able to get in her house later to sleep there. The next morning when Squirt and I were having coffee and breakfast, she said 'what is she like 18 kelly???' haha.. it was funny. But New Girl is ummm.. yeah. she's just really fuckin cute. She's got a great body, a really adorable smile, and the sweetest girly voice I've ever heard, and she's also really shy in person, which to me is just so endearing. I'm finding that she's strong willed, knows who she is and what she wants, but that softness and shy demeanor to her just makes me melt. We went to a couple places for drinks (we were both exploring the city because she just recently moved there and I havent moved there yet) and we also went to this old timey theater to see 'The Kids Are All Right'. Since the theater was old, it didn't have cup holders to hold the drink that we shared, so she put it in between her legs while I held the popcorn. At one point, I signaled that i wanted the drink and she just grinned at me so I had to grab the drink from between her legs. When I was done with it, I tried to hand it back to her, but she decided to just open her legs for me to put it back in its place instead. We both giggled and locked eyes for a split second before we both jolted our faces back towards the screen. I'm sure we were both blushing lol. At the end of the movie, I looked over at her to ask if she'd liked it, and she whispered in her sweetest girly voice 'I hafta peeee so bad'. Lol... please don't ask me why, but it was just the sweet tone of her voice when she said it that had me swooning, and thinking oh my god she's so fuckin cute. We went out to another place to get some grub and some drinks, and lucky for her, her favorite thing was on the big screen-baseball. When the drinks came, she started dancing in her seat, and then again when the food came. I'm telling you... she is just so fucking cute. She also danced in her seat to some music in my car. :) At the end of the date, when I was dropping her off back home, I pulled up to her place and she said 'ok... now for the awkward first goodbye' with a big smile. I got out of the car and met her on her side. I wanted to kiss her so bad, and she locked eyes with me and I could tell she wanted to also... but we were both just so nervous and shy, so I just went in for a hug. Well it ended up being a fabulous hug, we just stood there for what seemed like 3 minutes and hugged each other really tight, and rubbed each others' backs... it just felt so good. I should have just lifted my head and kissed her, but I'm kinda glad that I didnt, because it gives us something to look foward to. She smelled soooooo good too. I know that when we see each other next, we won't be as shy since we've been talking so much. When I left, I texted her that i had wanted to kiss her but was too nervous, and she texted back 'ditto... hence the awkward goodbye :-)'
So yeah, she scares me. I'm gonna try to just keep my cool. I really need to do that, for myself anyway. I have a lot that I want to accomplish in the next few months, but it's still fun to feel the butterflies every now and then :).
She scares me because I am so attracted to her, and I havent been attracted to anyone this much since my major ex, Joy, and Joy was the only one that I ever got those kinda butterflies for. And she scares me because we are finding out that we really look at relationships from a different angle. I feel like I should go running for the hills... but I know I won't.
It is still very new, and we've only hung out once, and we're enjoying getting to know each other over texting and phone calls. One thing I do like about her is her upfront honesty. That is something that's been lacking in past relationships... I've dated a lot of secret keepers. With her, she is open and honest, even if it's something she thinks I might not want to hear. But I'm finding that she is much more cautious when it comes to love and relationships, but I also think that might be good for me. I am cautious too at first, but as I've told her, when i fall, I fall hard... and that's 'all she wrote' kinda thing haha. She is more guarded, and it takes her a long time to be sure about a relationship. But again, I kind of like that, because I know that she'll never be playing games, won't be saying something and really be holding back in her own mind. She has said that her biggest issue with past relationships and dates is that the girls wanted too much too fast, and that she doesn't operate like that. So, I know I need someone who is like that. I have so much on my plate right now with wanting to make this move in a few months, and get a new job there, and find a place to live... I don't want to get distracted. If you know me at all, you know that relationships definitely distract me haha. I end up putting so much of myself into them, that I lose sight of so many other things. So to take things really slow with someone, it would be perfect.
Oh, and she looks really young haha, but she is actually 4 months older than me. yes... 4 whole months lol. But Squirty got to meet her for 2 minutes when she and I hung out, because I was picking up a key from Squirt to be able to get in her house later to sleep there. The next morning when Squirt and I were having coffee and breakfast, she said 'what is she like 18 kelly???' haha.. it was funny. But New Girl is ummm.. yeah. she's just really fuckin cute. She's got a great body, a really adorable smile, and the sweetest girly voice I've ever heard, and she's also really shy in person, which to me is just so endearing. I'm finding that she's strong willed, knows who she is and what she wants, but that softness and shy demeanor to her just makes me melt. We went to a couple places for drinks (we were both exploring the city because she just recently moved there and I havent moved there yet) and we also went to this old timey theater to see 'The Kids Are All Right'. Since the theater was old, it didn't have cup holders to hold the drink that we shared, so she put it in between her legs while I held the popcorn. At one point, I signaled that i wanted the drink and she just grinned at me so I had to grab the drink from between her legs. When I was done with it, I tried to hand it back to her, but she decided to just open her legs for me to put it back in its place instead. We both giggled and locked eyes for a split second before we both jolted our faces back towards the screen. I'm sure we were both blushing lol. At the end of the movie, I looked over at her to ask if she'd liked it, and she whispered in her sweetest girly voice 'I hafta peeee so bad'. Lol... please don't ask me why, but it was just the sweet tone of her voice when she said it that had me swooning, and thinking oh my god she's so fuckin cute. We went out to another place to get some grub and some drinks, and lucky for her, her favorite thing was on the big screen-baseball. When the drinks came, she started dancing in her seat, and then again when the food came. I'm telling you... she is just so fucking cute. She also danced in her seat to some music in my car. :) At the end of the date, when I was dropping her off back home, I pulled up to her place and she said 'ok... now for the awkward first goodbye' with a big smile. I got out of the car and met her on her side. I wanted to kiss her so bad, and she locked eyes with me and I could tell she wanted to also... but we were both just so nervous and shy, so I just went in for a hug. Well it ended up being a fabulous hug, we just stood there for what seemed like 3 minutes and hugged each other really tight, and rubbed each others' backs... it just felt so good. I should have just lifted my head and kissed her, but I'm kinda glad that I didnt, because it gives us something to look foward to. She smelled soooooo good too. I know that when we see each other next, we won't be as shy since we've been talking so much. When I left, I texted her that i had wanted to kiss her but was too nervous, and she texted back 'ditto... hence the awkward goodbye :-)'
So yeah, she scares me. I'm gonna try to just keep my cool. I really need to do that, for myself anyway. I have a lot that I want to accomplish in the next few months, but it's still fun to feel the butterflies every now and then :).
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Another bad date for the books.
I'm actually seriously thinking about writing a book about all of my bad dates. And I have another story to add to the list.
So I've been talking to this woman for about a week. She's 36, a high school theater teacher, and she also directs plays and things of that nature all over the place. She's also working on getting her masters in theater, and wants to be a theater professor at a local college. She also acts in plays and dinner theater too. We were both attracted to each other's artistic creativity while getting to know each other, but it slowly became obvious that she was much more attracted to her own capabilities and achievements than my own, or anyone else's for that matter. Still, she has accomplished so much, so I took it as she's just proud of her life, and wants to share it with me, and maybe she's just a little on the nervous side when getting to know someone, and hopefully she'll calm down with the 'i did this with this famous person, and worked with this famous person, and i've met so and so and me me me and i i i'. I was hopeful. It was interesting to talk to someone who was so passionate about the arts, as I am, so I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.
I'm not sure that I'll ever learn to just trust my initial judgements or feelings. I need to.
Anyway, she wants to take me out for drinks, and we decide to meet at a place of my choosing after I'm done with a client around 9. I get there first, get a table, and wait. She comes in and we hug, and sit down, and order drinks. Within 5 minutes of sitting down, she's is texting on her phone. This has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves, and I think it's completely rude and inappropriate on a first date. The rest of the date went something like this: She'd ask me questions about myself or how my day was or things of that nature, and then interrupt me with a new story of her own. She'd tell me to order whatever I wanted for drinks, or appetizers to share, and so I did. I had 3 drinks, and we ordered a plate of potato skins to share. She continues to text off and on, saying that it's people from her dinner theater asking her questions because she's not there, but she had already told me that the dinner theater is over between 830 and 9, and it is after 10 at this point, so right away I know she's lying. She asks me more questions, and then as I'm answering, she starts texting under the table, as if I'm not going to know what she's doing. At one point she even pointed out every piece of clothing that she had chosen to wear that night, and explained in detail how she loves her own personal style. By the time the waiter came over to ask if we were ready for the check, I was over it. He asked if we wanted the check seperate or together, and she said together is fine. Well the check comes, and he sets it on the table between us, where it sits for at least another 5 minutes. I'm totally confused the whole time, and wondering why she's not picking it up, and trying to not make eye contact with it. After a while, she looks down at it, and says 'ok well I only have cash... and it's $49.54!' I just look at her, without any idea of how I'm supposed to respond, so I say, 'ok do you want me to help with the bill? All I have is a card...' and she says 'Well I guess you're gonna have to just put it on your card then.' Really? I mean really. I put my card down, and she tosses a $10 bill at me. When he brings the card and receipt back, she says that she'll get the tip, and folds up some money and puts it on the tray. I would have never asked this if she had been paying for it, but since I was paying, I asked her how much did she leave. She said $7. I said... 'ummm what? The bill was $50, and you're leaving him $7???' She said 'sorry, my math is horrible, is that not good enough?' I was appalled. I said ok well I'm gonna leave more for him, and she said no no, and threw down another 3 dollars. I still wanted to leave more, the guy was an absolute cutie, was very friendly and gave us excellent service. I just couldn't believe how cheap she was.
I mean, really??????
So I've been talking to this woman for about a week. She's 36, a high school theater teacher, and she also directs plays and things of that nature all over the place. She's also working on getting her masters in theater, and wants to be a theater professor at a local college. She also acts in plays and dinner theater too. We were both attracted to each other's artistic creativity while getting to know each other, but it slowly became obvious that she was much more attracted to her own capabilities and achievements than my own, or anyone else's for that matter. Still, she has accomplished so much, so I took it as she's just proud of her life, and wants to share it with me, and maybe she's just a little on the nervous side when getting to know someone, and hopefully she'll calm down with the 'i did this with this famous person, and worked with this famous person, and i've met so and so and me me me and i i i'. I was hopeful. It was interesting to talk to someone who was so passionate about the arts, as I am, so I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.
I'm not sure that I'll ever learn to just trust my initial judgements or feelings. I need to.
Anyway, she wants to take me out for drinks, and we decide to meet at a place of my choosing after I'm done with a client around 9. I get there first, get a table, and wait. She comes in and we hug, and sit down, and order drinks. Within 5 minutes of sitting down, she's is texting on her phone. This has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves, and I think it's completely rude and inappropriate on a first date. The rest of the date went something like this: She'd ask me questions about myself or how my day was or things of that nature, and then interrupt me with a new story of her own. She'd tell me to order whatever I wanted for drinks, or appetizers to share, and so I did. I had 3 drinks, and we ordered a plate of potato skins to share. She continues to text off and on, saying that it's people from her dinner theater asking her questions because she's not there, but she had already told me that the dinner theater is over between 830 and 9, and it is after 10 at this point, so right away I know she's lying. She asks me more questions, and then as I'm answering, she starts texting under the table, as if I'm not going to know what she's doing. At one point she even pointed out every piece of clothing that she had chosen to wear that night, and explained in detail how she loves her own personal style. By the time the waiter came over to ask if we were ready for the check, I was over it. He asked if we wanted the check seperate or together, and she said together is fine. Well the check comes, and he sets it on the table between us, where it sits for at least another 5 minutes. I'm totally confused the whole time, and wondering why she's not picking it up, and trying to not make eye contact with it. After a while, she looks down at it, and says 'ok well I only have cash... and it's $49.54!' I just look at her, without any idea of how I'm supposed to respond, so I say, 'ok do you want me to help with the bill? All I have is a card...' and she says 'Well I guess you're gonna have to just put it on your card then.' Really? I mean really. I put my card down, and she tosses a $10 bill at me. When he brings the card and receipt back, she says that she'll get the tip, and folds up some money and puts it on the tray. I would have never asked this if she had been paying for it, but since I was paying, I asked her how much did she leave. She said $7. I said... 'ummm what? The bill was $50, and you're leaving him $7???' She said 'sorry, my math is horrible, is that not good enough?' I was appalled. I said ok well I'm gonna leave more for him, and she said no no, and threw down another 3 dollars. I still wanted to leave more, the guy was an absolute cutie, was very friendly and gave us excellent service. I just couldn't believe how cheap she was.
I mean, really??????
Monday, October 5, 2009
icing on the cake.
Well you wouldn't believe what I woke up to this morning. Ash, the girl I just kicked to the curb, texted me 'I miss you.' and she texted it 4 times, until i responded. I said 'it'll pass' and she asked 'why are you being like that?'
I was a little in shock over the situation. I didn't even know how I should respond, coldly or nicely. I wanted to just shake her and say WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE CRAZY!!! But I couldn't do that. But I mean, just three days ago she left in the middle of the night so fast that it made my head spin, and the day after that she was trying to put me down by saying 'i bet you're not even a lesbian' and to lose her number, and now she's saying she misses me. I feel bad for the girl. She obviously has a lot of issues that I don't even know how to begin to try to break down, but I know I can't be the person that helps her. She doens't miss me, she misses the idea of having someone, which is something that I miss too, but luckily I know the difference at this point.
I told her she's got to be kidding me, and she said that she just wanted me to know she was sorry. I told her it was fine but that I'm done. She texted me an hour later saying 'talk to me'. I then had to put my foot down and tell her she needed to stop, that I was done. I seriously hate hurting people, especially when I know a little about her past and what she's been through (not a whole lot of good) but I just can't be the person who fixes everyone else. I've tried that, and learned the hard way that it doesn't work.
Today is my little sister's 22nd birthday, and we're all going out to dinner tonight. I've been stuck in the house for 3 days being sick, and I'm really looking foward to getting out. I think I really need it at this point, I'm feeling kinda depressed, and even when I feel just a little bit more on the sour side than the sweet side, it takes a big tole on me. We're going to a hibatchi place, I guess it's become a tradition for her birthday for the past few years. My dad and evil stepmother are going, which means they're footing the bill, which I have NOOOOOO problem with lol. Hellooo pitchers of sake with plum wine!! Should be fun, our cousin is coming and some of sissy's friends.
I was a little in shock over the situation. I didn't even know how I should respond, coldly or nicely. I wanted to just shake her and say WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE CRAZY!!! But I couldn't do that. But I mean, just three days ago she left in the middle of the night so fast that it made my head spin, and the day after that she was trying to put me down by saying 'i bet you're not even a lesbian' and to lose her number, and now she's saying she misses me. I feel bad for the girl. She obviously has a lot of issues that I don't even know how to begin to try to break down, but I know I can't be the person that helps her. She doens't miss me, she misses the idea of having someone, which is something that I miss too, but luckily I know the difference at this point.
I told her she's got to be kidding me, and she said that she just wanted me to know she was sorry. I told her it was fine but that I'm done. She texted me an hour later saying 'talk to me'. I then had to put my foot down and tell her she needed to stop, that I was done. I seriously hate hurting people, especially when I know a little about her past and what she's been through (not a whole lot of good) but I just can't be the person who fixes everyone else. I've tried that, and learned the hard way that it doesn't work.
Today is my little sister's 22nd birthday, and we're all going out to dinner tonight. I've been stuck in the house for 3 days being sick, and I'm really looking foward to getting out. I think I really need it at this point, I'm feeling kinda depressed, and even when I feel just a little bit more on the sour side than the sweet side, it takes a big tole on me. We're going to a hibatchi place, I guess it's become a tradition for her birthday for the past few years. My dad and evil stepmother are going, which means they're footing the bill, which I have NOOOOOO problem with lol. Hellooo pitchers of sake with plum wine!! Should be fun, our cousin is coming and some of sissy's friends.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
ooooooooh me...
Well that was fun. I've just closed up shop on another crazy girl. I swear I can only attract girls with severe issues, and I have no idea why. I'm a relatively normal girl, just looking for a nice girl to build something lasting with, and yet I somehow always get stuck with people who are so completely wrong for me, or people who have the worst issues I could even imagine. Why me, I ask?
So this one's name was Ash. Actually, let me start with a little about me. For those of you who don't know me personally, if I had to put some kind of label on myself, I'm fall more into the femme category. I do my makeup, do my hair, love wearing big flowy dresses, and love feeling like a woman in all my glory. That being said, for the most part in my past, I have been attracted to other femme girls. Not exclusively, I'm not one to limit myself to any one stereotype at all, but that's just kinda how it's always happened, with dating anyway. Actually, my major ex was actually a little tomboyish when we started dating, but per her requests, I ended up making her over with a new, more stylish hairdo, taught her how to do her makeup, and she actually started wearing girl clothes more and more. I didn't ask her to do this, I think it was just in her all along, and for some reason I brought it out in her. Her personality was still definitely the more 'studdish' one, but you'd never know it by looking at her after we'd been together for a bit. But this is a whole 'nother story. Back to Ash.
Ash is in denial. She's a butch. No question about it. She wears boy clothes (baggy boy clothes), wears cologne, has a shaved head, all that jazz, but she thinks that because she wears mascara and eyeliner, that no one should ever question if she's butch or not, and despises the term butch. Ok, whatever. That's her thing. Moving on, we'd started talking about 2, maybe 3 weeks ago. She always seemed like she was out to impress me, but in an overbearing way. She talked about her clothing a lot, about how she'd only shop at PacSun, about how she had a ton of different shoes, with different colors to match every outfit, and how she'd throw a pair of shoes away if they got one scuff mark on them. Me, I'm the opposite. I never iron my clothes. I keep wearing my clothes until they fall apart. I never plan out outfits, don't worry about if my shoes really truly match my clothes, with the exception of black versus brown. I had to literally tell her that I didn't care to hear about it, I mean, not in a mean way at all, but I ended up just smiling and knodding a lot, and sometimes would even giggle because of how ridiculous I found it all to be. Not that I find matching ridiculous, but when you have to explain every single outfit you're wearing to me in great detail, it's gonna get old. Plus I could care less where you get your clothes, and as for me, I would rather wear something without a label, I'm certainly not getting paid to wear a company's clothes. It's free advertising, and I'm not a corporate kinda gal. Sorry, I keep getting off track.
Next, she had hung out with my friends and me a few times. My friends and I are all really close, and they've become somewhat protective over me after seeing some of the whack jobs I've brought home lol. So naturally, and this is more talking about my best friend Jamie than anyone else, but she likes to 'grill' the fresh meat. I let her have her space when she's doing this, cuz I know there's no way around it, and to be honest I wanna kinda see how they react to it. You can tell a lot about someone in regards to how they act around your friends. Well, she pretty much failed the test. She ended up getting pissy, got confrontational with my friends, and came to me later saying 'I think your friend is trying to hit on me and this is bullshit." Um... ok. wow. My friend is straight, lives with her boyfriend (who was there all night as well), and it was just ridiculous. But me being the nice person who always wants to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, sugar coated it and told myself that she was just stressed about meeting everyone and feeling like she was on the chopping block. Why can't I just ever trust my gut instincts in the beginning? They haven't failed me yet in the end.
And then! ok so she had this neighbor that she used to hang out with a lot. I never met the guy but she had talked about how she would go and smoke ciggs on the front porch with him pretty much every night. She later told me that she didn't like to hang out with him too much anymore after finding out that he smokes crack. Great! I was on the phone with her one time while she was outside smoking with him, and I heard him ask if I had any single friends. She just laughed it off and said no. Just yesterday, she was getting ready to come visit me and we were talking on the phone about what we wanted to do when she got out here. She then told me that she wanted to introduce her crack smoking neighbor to my friend C, who happened to be the only single girl friend of mine that she'd met. She said, "I think he'll like her a lot." Wait, Im sorry, did you just suggest that you hook up my friend, who happens to be in the military, a single mother of two small children, got her shit together no bullshit kinda girl, to your crack smoking neighbor who just asked you for money not two days ago? Guess what ladies and gents, when I said absolutely not, she started in on me for being 'judgemental.' Yeah, I'm not kidding. Are you fucking serious?????
She told me she'd talk to me later, and I said don't bother, there'd be nothing to talk about. Ten minutes later, she's sorry, she's calmed down and thought about it and realizes how right I am. Yeah, I know, big red flags already I KNOW. but, she ends up coming over last night anyway. I've been sick with the flu for 3 days, so she wanted to come see me. Ok, she gets here, and not even 10 minutes later, she asks me to rub her back. I'm a nice girl, very attentive to my partner (not that she was my partner yet, but I'm just saying) and always looking to please others, so I did it. For a good 30 minutes I gave her an amazing back rub, but wait a minute, aren't I the sick one here? Aren't I the one that should be pampered? Yeah, you'd think.
We later layed down to go to bed, she had fallen asleep on the couch so I woke her up to go to bed with me. She apparently doesn't like to be woken up, and got pissed off at me and said 'why didn't you just leave me on the couch? I hate being woken up!' lol... wow. I'm sorry, in my crazy twisted mind I thought she would have wanted me to, to go to bed with me. We get in bed, she turns away from me, and then commands me to move closer to her, even though she was the one who moved away. wtf. I said no. She said why not. I said you're being a bitch. Well damn, I've never seen that girl move that fast. She whipped the covers off so fast, jumped outta bed, put her shoes on, and yelled at me that she didn't have time for this shit, she's been through this shit before, and nobody, and she means NOBODY calls her a bitch. She then stood in my doorway with her back to me, as if she were waiting for me to crumple and go after her. I didn't move a muscle. I let her walk out. I even laughed a bit when I heard the door slam. I texted her to not call me again, and that enough was enough. What a psycho.
I'm not even sure if this all accurately displays why she's so crazy. Oh there was another thing I found out last night. She's a felon apparently. Assault charges from her ex's sister. Yeah, she actually got into a physical fight with her ex's little sister.
she texted me today that she bets I'm not even a lesbian. What the hell? Because you're crazy, that puts my sexuality in question? And what a stupid thing to accuse someone of. I mean for real. Who the fuck cares. Again, I don't like to put a label on myself, but as far as she was concerned, I was giving her a fair shot to date me exclusively. It's just so stupid to me that lesbians sometimes get offended over someone not living up to a title. I'm definitely not saying all of them, or us, or whoever, but do you know what I mean? I love people for who they are, not their sexuality. I mean isn't that what we're fighting for? Acceptance no matter what? Lol... sorry, again, getting sidetracked.
I just don't understand why it seems to be so hard to find someone that I'm compatible with. I make friends so easily, why is it so hard to find someone worth dating? I just want someone nice and caring, and possibly someone who doesn't have to pop 4 xanex to get through a day. Too much to ask? I hope not.
So this one's name was Ash. Actually, let me start with a little about me. For those of you who don't know me personally, if I had to put some kind of label on myself, I'm fall more into the femme category. I do my makeup, do my hair, love wearing big flowy dresses, and love feeling like a woman in all my glory. That being said, for the most part in my past, I have been attracted to other femme girls. Not exclusively, I'm not one to limit myself to any one stereotype at all, but that's just kinda how it's always happened, with dating anyway. Actually, my major ex was actually a little tomboyish when we started dating, but per her requests, I ended up making her over with a new, more stylish hairdo, taught her how to do her makeup, and she actually started wearing girl clothes more and more. I didn't ask her to do this, I think it was just in her all along, and for some reason I brought it out in her. Her personality was still definitely the more 'studdish' one, but you'd never know it by looking at her after we'd been together for a bit. But this is a whole 'nother story. Back to Ash.
Ash is in denial. She's a butch. No question about it. She wears boy clothes (baggy boy clothes), wears cologne, has a shaved head, all that jazz, but she thinks that because she wears mascara and eyeliner, that no one should ever question if she's butch or not, and despises the term butch. Ok, whatever. That's her thing. Moving on, we'd started talking about 2, maybe 3 weeks ago. She always seemed like she was out to impress me, but in an overbearing way. She talked about her clothing a lot, about how she'd only shop at PacSun, about how she had a ton of different shoes, with different colors to match every outfit, and how she'd throw a pair of shoes away if they got one scuff mark on them. Me, I'm the opposite. I never iron my clothes. I keep wearing my clothes until they fall apart. I never plan out outfits, don't worry about if my shoes really truly match my clothes, with the exception of black versus brown. I had to literally tell her that I didn't care to hear about it, I mean, not in a mean way at all, but I ended up just smiling and knodding a lot, and sometimes would even giggle because of how ridiculous I found it all to be. Not that I find matching ridiculous, but when you have to explain every single outfit you're wearing to me in great detail, it's gonna get old. Plus I could care less where you get your clothes, and as for me, I would rather wear something without a label, I'm certainly not getting paid to wear a company's clothes. It's free advertising, and I'm not a corporate kinda gal. Sorry, I keep getting off track.
Next, she had hung out with my friends and me a few times. My friends and I are all really close, and they've become somewhat protective over me after seeing some of the whack jobs I've brought home lol. So naturally, and this is more talking about my best friend Jamie than anyone else, but she likes to 'grill' the fresh meat. I let her have her space when she's doing this, cuz I know there's no way around it, and to be honest I wanna kinda see how they react to it. You can tell a lot about someone in regards to how they act around your friends. Well, she pretty much failed the test. She ended up getting pissy, got confrontational with my friends, and came to me later saying 'I think your friend is trying to hit on me and this is bullshit." Um... ok. wow. My friend is straight, lives with her boyfriend (who was there all night as well), and it was just ridiculous. But me being the nice person who always wants to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, sugar coated it and told myself that she was just stressed about meeting everyone and feeling like she was on the chopping block. Why can't I just ever trust my gut instincts in the beginning? They haven't failed me yet in the end.
And then! ok so she had this neighbor that she used to hang out with a lot. I never met the guy but she had talked about how she would go and smoke ciggs on the front porch with him pretty much every night. She later told me that she didn't like to hang out with him too much anymore after finding out that he smokes crack. Great! I was on the phone with her one time while she was outside smoking with him, and I heard him ask if I had any single friends. She just laughed it off and said no. Just yesterday, she was getting ready to come visit me and we were talking on the phone about what we wanted to do when she got out here. She then told me that she wanted to introduce her crack smoking neighbor to my friend C, who happened to be the only single girl friend of mine that she'd met. She said, "I think he'll like her a lot." Wait, Im sorry, did you just suggest that you hook up my friend, who happens to be in the military, a single mother of two small children, got her shit together no bullshit kinda girl, to your crack smoking neighbor who just asked you for money not two days ago? Guess what ladies and gents, when I said absolutely not, she started in on me for being 'judgemental.' Yeah, I'm not kidding. Are you fucking serious?????
She told me she'd talk to me later, and I said don't bother, there'd be nothing to talk about. Ten minutes later, she's sorry, she's calmed down and thought about it and realizes how right I am. Yeah, I know, big red flags already I KNOW. but, she ends up coming over last night anyway. I've been sick with the flu for 3 days, so she wanted to come see me. Ok, she gets here, and not even 10 minutes later, she asks me to rub her back. I'm a nice girl, very attentive to my partner (not that she was my partner yet, but I'm just saying) and always looking to please others, so I did it. For a good 30 minutes I gave her an amazing back rub, but wait a minute, aren't I the sick one here? Aren't I the one that should be pampered? Yeah, you'd think.
We later layed down to go to bed, she had fallen asleep on the couch so I woke her up to go to bed with me. She apparently doesn't like to be woken up, and got pissed off at me and said 'why didn't you just leave me on the couch? I hate being woken up!' lol... wow. I'm sorry, in my crazy twisted mind I thought she would have wanted me to, to go to bed with me. We get in bed, she turns away from me, and then commands me to move closer to her, even though she was the one who moved away. wtf. I said no. She said why not. I said you're being a bitch. Well damn, I've never seen that girl move that fast. She whipped the covers off so fast, jumped outta bed, put her shoes on, and yelled at me that she didn't have time for this shit, she's been through this shit before, and nobody, and she means NOBODY calls her a bitch. She then stood in my doorway with her back to me, as if she were waiting for me to crumple and go after her. I didn't move a muscle. I let her walk out. I even laughed a bit when I heard the door slam. I texted her to not call me again, and that enough was enough. What a psycho.
I'm not even sure if this all accurately displays why she's so crazy. Oh there was another thing I found out last night. She's a felon apparently. Assault charges from her ex's sister. Yeah, she actually got into a physical fight with her ex's little sister.
she texted me today that she bets I'm not even a lesbian. What the hell? Because you're crazy, that puts my sexuality in question? And what a stupid thing to accuse someone of. I mean for real. Who the fuck cares. Again, I don't like to put a label on myself, but as far as she was concerned, I was giving her a fair shot to date me exclusively. It's just so stupid to me that lesbians sometimes get offended over someone not living up to a title. I'm definitely not saying all of them, or us, or whoever, but do you know what I mean? I love people for who they are, not their sexuality. I mean isn't that what we're fighting for? Acceptance no matter what? Lol... sorry, again, getting sidetracked.
I just don't understand why it seems to be so hard to find someone that I'm compatible with. I make friends so easily, why is it so hard to find someone worth dating? I just want someone nice and caring, and possibly someone who doesn't have to pop 4 xanex to get through a day. Too much to ask? I hope not.
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