Past couple days have been tough on my heart. As in it's ability to beat at a normal pace. As in racing. As in hard to breathe.
First, yesterday morning, I was at work with only one other coworker, the boss man's son. It was a quiet morning, as most tuesday mornings are, and I was lounging in the chair that I usually use for my clients, reading my book. All of a sudden, out of the corner of my left eye, I see this GIGANTIC SPIDER running towards me, coming from the front door. And I mean huge. and I mean running. towards. me. I threw my legs up and jumped up into the chair and screamed so loud that the ladies from the aerobics place next door came running. I have never seen a spider that big in person, just crawling around and not in a cage at a pet store or something. It was literally the size of the palm of my hand. Anyway, it ended up running under my chair and past me on over to the next chair. I was still screaming, and my coworker thinks it's hilarious. He catches it in a jar, and then proceeds to chase me around the salon with this damn jar filled with my worst nightmare. I literally couldn't breathe with ease for at least an hour. He ended up flushing it down the toilet.
And then tonight. A, the girl I'm seeing, definitely likes to ruffle my feathers. Am I really that funny when I'm freaking out? I don't think so, but then again, it's me that's freaking out. ha... so. She calls me and tells me that she needs to talk to me about something. Said that her friend has just found out that she's pregnant. That her friend already has two kids and is struggling, and is wanting A to adopt her unborn baby. Yes, I know it's a pretty far fetched story, especially when I type it out, but she painted a pretty convincing picture. I freaked out lol. I didn't even know what to say, as we're still getting to know each other.. but I mean that's a pretty big deal if you're just starting to date someone, to know that they might be parenting a new baby in 9 months lol. Ok this all just sounds silly typing it out, but believe me, she had me going for a minute or two. I was pacing my room, and my voice got high pitched and flustered and finally she busted out laughing and said it was all a joke. She's gonna get it.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
still a fav
ok this ad can always make me crack up laughing. have a looksie. Make sure your sound is on, it's the best part of it.
weight loss
Oh, what a nice little journey I'm beginning.
I think my weight might be a big part of the reason I'm feeling depressed lately. I'm just not happy with myself. I've been wanting to go vegetarian for a long time, and I now have been for one week. I still eat fish and seafood, but I'm glad I've finally cut out all the red meat and poultry.
My goal is to drop about 70 lbs. I'd actually be happy just losing about 60, maybe 55, but acording to all the charts and BMI stuff I'm supposed to lose about 70 for my height. I was reading over Tommy's new weight loss blog and all I was thinking is that's something I need to be doing for myself, really setting up a plan. Cutting out meat is a big step, but it's not enough. I'm thinking about joining weight watchers. I think I'd have more luck with it if I'm forced to actually go to meetings and weigh in. It'd make it more of a focus for me.
Goal for tomorrow: call weight watchers and find out how much it costs and what it all entails and stuffy stuff.
I also made one of these things that I also found on Tommy's blog, it's pretty sweet. wait I lost the link for it, I'll post it later. dangit.
I think my weight might be a big part of the reason I'm feeling depressed lately. I'm just not happy with myself. I've been wanting to go vegetarian for a long time, and I now have been for one week. I still eat fish and seafood, but I'm glad I've finally cut out all the red meat and poultry.
My goal is to drop about 70 lbs. I'd actually be happy just losing about 60, maybe 55, but acording to all the charts and BMI stuff I'm supposed to lose about 70 for my height. I was reading over Tommy's new weight loss blog and all I was thinking is that's something I need to be doing for myself, really setting up a plan. Cutting out meat is a big step, but it's not enough. I'm thinking about joining weight watchers. I think I'd have more luck with it if I'm forced to actually go to meetings and weigh in. It'd make it more of a focus for me.
Goal for tomorrow: call weight watchers and find out how much it costs and what it all entails and stuffy stuff.
I also made one of these things that I also found on Tommy's blog, it's pretty sweet. wait I lost the link for it, I'll post it later. dangit.
Monday, October 5, 2009
icing on the cake.
Well you wouldn't believe what I woke up to this morning. Ash, the girl I just kicked to the curb, texted me 'I miss you.' and she texted it 4 times, until i responded. I said 'it'll pass' and she asked 'why are you being like that?'
I was a little in shock over the situation. I didn't even know how I should respond, coldly or nicely. I wanted to just shake her and say WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE CRAZY!!! But I couldn't do that. But I mean, just three days ago she left in the middle of the night so fast that it made my head spin, and the day after that she was trying to put me down by saying 'i bet you're not even a lesbian' and to lose her number, and now she's saying she misses me. I feel bad for the girl. She obviously has a lot of issues that I don't even know how to begin to try to break down, but I know I can't be the person that helps her. She doens't miss me, she misses the idea of having someone, which is something that I miss too, but luckily I know the difference at this point.
I told her she's got to be kidding me, and she said that she just wanted me to know she was sorry. I told her it was fine but that I'm done. She texted me an hour later saying 'talk to me'. I then had to put my foot down and tell her she needed to stop, that I was done. I seriously hate hurting people, especially when I know a little about her past and what she's been through (not a whole lot of good) but I just can't be the person who fixes everyone else. I've tried that, and learned the hard way that it doesn't work.
Today is my little sister's 22nd birthday, and we're all going out to dinner tonight. I've been stuck in the house for 3 days being sick, and I'm really looking foward to getting out. I think I really need it at this point, I'm feeling kinda depressed, and even when I feel just a little bit more on the sour side than the sweet side, it takes a big tole on me. We're going to a hibatchi place, I guess it's become a tradition for her birthday for the past few years. My dad and evil stepmother are going, which means they're footing the bill, which I have NOOOOOO problem with lol. Hellooo pitchers of sake with plum wine!! Should be fun, our cousin is coming and some of sissy's friends.
I was a little in shock over the situation. I didn't even know how I should respond, coldly or nicely. I wanted to just shake her and say WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE CRAZY!!! But I couldn't do that. But I mean, just three days ago she left in the middle of the night so fast that it made my head spin, and the day after that she was trying to put me down by saying 'i bet you're not even a lesbian' and to lose her number, and now she's saying she misses me. I feel bad for the girl. She obviously has a lot of issues that I don't even know how to begin to try to break down, but I know I can't be the person that helps her. She doens't miss me, she misses the idea of having someone, which is something that I miss too, but luckily I know the difference at this point.
I told her she's got to be kidding me, and she said that she just wanted me to know she was sorry. I told her it was fine but that I'm done. She texted me an hour later saying 'talk to me'. I then had to put my foot down and tell her she needed to stop, that I was done. I seriously hate hurting people, especially when I know a little about her past and what she's been through (not a whole lot of good) but I just can't be the person who fixes everyone else. I've tried that, and learned the hard way that it doesn't work.
Today is my little sister's 22nd birthday, and we're all going out to dinner tonight. I've been stuck in the house for 3 days being sick, and I'm really looking foward to getting out. I think I really need it at this point, I'm feeling kinda depressed, and even when I feel just a little bit more on the sour side than the sweet side, it takes a big tole on me. We're going to a hibatchi place, I guess it's become a tradition for her birthday for the past few years. My dad and evil stepmother are going, which means they're footing the bill, which I have NOOOOOO problem with lol. Hellooo pitchers of sake with plum wine!! Should be fun, our cousin is coming and some of sissy's friends.
Baby Kitty
I got a kitten a couple weeks ago, and for some reason my phone wouldn't let me send pictures to my email, but I figured it all out so now I can post pics of her! She's now about 10 weeks old, and her name is Adalie (rhymes with Natalie).
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She's super playful and vocal. She follows me everywhere when we're at home, and I even take her with me to my best friend's house, and she plays with her two daschunds. They actually wrestle and it's so cute. My roommate has two daschunds also, but the ones here are a lot more rough so she doesn't like them as much. She definitely has an attitude about her though, which makes me laugh. If I get to far away from her in the apartment and she doesn't know where I am, she starts screaming until I peak my head around the corner, then she romps over to me and starts purring LOUDLY. She is always determined to get her way, and if she doesn't want me to hold her, she yells at me and wriggles free. Other times she can't be close enough to me. She sleeps a lot on my pillow right next to my head. I love her!! So cute.
She's super playful and vocal. She follows me everywhere when we're at home, and I even take her with me to my best friend's house, and she plays with her two daschunds. They actually wrestle and it's so cute. My roommate has two daschunds also, but the ones here are a lot more rough so she doesn't like them as much. She definitely has an attitude about her though, which makes me laugh. If I get to far away from her in the apartment and she doesn't know where I am, she starts screaming until I peak my head around the corner, then she romps over to me and starts purring LOUDLY. She is always determined to get her way, and if she doesn't want me to hold her, she yells at me and wriggles free. Other times she can't be close enough to me. She sleeps a lot on my pillow right next to my head. I love her!! So cute.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
lost... hmmm.
I feel like I'm in a hole lately. I feel lost and I don't really know how to find my way back to myself. This so isn't like me, I'm usually a happy bubbly person, but there are just so many things that aren't going my way right now and I feel like I'm sinking. And then when I actually see myself write these words, it makes me feel selfish for all the other people that are going through things far worse than I am. I feel low just because I'm complaining. Lol... what a pickle!
I did something stupid last night. I've been single since April, actually since one day before my birthday. Yeah, the ex left me on the day before my birthday, to go back to her ex because I wasn't ready to pop out a baby after a very rough year of on and off dating with her. This scenario still hurts me. I don't miss her, I know we just weren't right for each other, and I actually wish her happiness, but the scenario still hurts me. I just don't feel like I deserved it. I'm not going to sit here and say that I dwell on this on a daily basis, because I certainly don't, but why is it that when you're feeling low you end up thinking about all the bad stuff that just makes it worse?
So anyway. About a month ago, a couple of her friends added me on facebook. This completely surprised me. They had always liked me, I had even hung out with them a couple times after the break up, and they all said they took my side and knew I deserved better, and told me I was better off without her because they've seen first hand how badly she's destroyed people at will. They also informed me of all of the 'secrets' that they were told to keep quiet about around me. Everything about us was just a big lie. And some of it I knew, but i still always hoped for the best because we seemed to want all of the same things and our families liked each other, and from the outside it just really seemed to work. Well, it didn't. But anyway... those friends added me on facebook and said HEYYYY long time no see, you know, all the typical catch up stuff, and it rattled me. I never had a problem with them at all, but I didn't like having any kind of ties to her. She had always been very nosey about her ex's lives, and I didn't want her to be able to keep tabs on me. She actually has a blog as well, and I won't even let myself read it because I don't want to hear it all. I was the one that got her into blogging, and I'm the only person that knows about her blog. She only writes in it to make me jealous or upset, or at least that's what she was doing shortly after the break up, I have no idea what she writes in it now, or if she even still does. But yeah, I started this blog after the breakup and completely deleted my one before it, just so that she wouldn't be able to keep an eye on me.
Back to my something stupid, those friends of hers and I are friends on facebook now. I went to one of their pages, and looked at her pictures. Well wouldn't you know it, there's a bunch of pictures of my ex on there, with her current girlfriend, being all lovey dovey. There's even a picture of both of their left hands, now adorned with engagement rings, fingers intertwined. Ok, that's fine. After all, I don't miss her, I know she's wrong for me in every way possible. But why is it so easy for her to find someone? She was horrible to me, and horrible to her exes before me. She's hurt so many people so badly, and on purpose. It just hurts me that she's so happy out there (whatever her version of happy is) and I'm still here just trying to find my happiness.
So after I looked at all those pics last night, I actually had a dream about her. Sometimes you wake up from dreams and they are clearly dreams and most of the time you forget about them in minutes, but my dream from last night is just really sitting in my head, and took me a while to snap out of it when i woke up this morning. It seemed so real. In my dream she had called me and wanted me to do her hair, which was pretty much the same way we had started dating again a few times. She'd be back with the ex (who is now the current) but call me to ask me to do her hair, and I'd agree of course, just wanting to see her, still in the mind set of thinking we might work. She'd come see me, I'd do her hair, and it'd be done with. We were always very attracted to each other, both got weak in the knees just being in each other's presence, and right away she'd be coming up with a plan on how to leave her girl. No, we never cheated, as bad as this scenario all sounds. But anyway, that was it. That was my dream, that she wanted to see me again, and I just lit up inside thinking about it, in my dream. We saw each other, details are kinda blurry now, but I just woke up thinking that she was in my life again, back in the happy way, not in the destructive way that it always ended up being. Lord I'm rambling I know.
My friends keep telling me that it's comin for me. That karma is just right around the corner and I deserve something really great. I'm just holding on to their every word, and trying to keep a smile on my face til I can feel it.
I did something stupid last night. I've been single since April, actually since one day before my birthday. Yeah, the ex left me on the day before my birthday, to go back to her ex because I wasn't ready to pop out a baby after a very rough year of on and off dating with her. This scenario still hurts me. I don't miss her, I know we just weren't right for each other, and I actually wish her happiness, but the scenario still hurts me. I just don't feel like I deserved it. I'm not going to sit here and say that I dwell on this on a daily basis, because I certainly don't, but why is it that when you're feeling low you end up thinking about all the bad stuff that just makes it worse?
So anyway. About a month ago, a couple of her friends added me on facebook. This completely surprised me. They had always liked me, I had even hung out with them a couple times after the break up, and they all said they took my side and knew I deserved better, and told me I was better off without her because they've seen first hand how badly she's destroyed people at will. They also informed me of all of the 'secrets' that they were told to keep quiet about around me. Everything about us was just a big lie. And some of it I knew, but i still always hoped for the best because we seemed to want all of the same things and our families liked each other, and from the outside it just really seemed to work. Well, it didn't. But anyway... those friends added me on facebook and said HEYYYY long time no see, you know, all the typical catch up stuff, and it rattled me. I never had a problem with them at all, but I didn't like having any kind of ties to her. She had always been very nosey about her ex's lives, and I didn't want her to be able to keep tabs on me. She actually has a blog as well, and I won't even let myself read it because I don't want to hear it all. I was the one that got her into blogging, and I'm the only person that knows about her blog. She only writes in it to make me jealous or upset, or at least that's what she was doing shortly after the break up, I have no idea what she writes in it now, or if she even still does. But yeah, I started this blog after the breakup and completely deleted my one before it, just so that she wouldn't be able to keep an eye on me.
Back to my something stupid, those friends of hers and I are friends on facebook now. I went to one of their pages, and looked at her pictures. Well wouldn't you know it, there's a bunch of pictures of my ex on there, with her current girlfriend, being all lovey dovey. There's even a picture of both of their left hands, now adorned with engagement rings, fingers intertwined. Ok, that's fine. After all, I don't miss her, I know she's wrong for me in every way possible. But why is it so easy for her to find someone? She was horrible to me, and horrible to her exes before me. She's hurt so many people so badly, and on purpose. It just hurts me that she's so happy out there (whatever her version of happy is) and I'm still here just trying to find my happiness.
So after I looked at all those pics last night, I actually had a dream about her. Sometimes you wake up from dreams and they are clearly dreams and most of the time you forget about them in minutes, but my dream from last night is just really sitting in my head, and took me a while to snap out of it when i woke up this morning. It seemed so real. In my dream she had called me and wanted me to do her hair, which was pretty much the same way we had started dating again a few times. She'd be back with the ex (who is now the current) but call me to ask me to do her hair, and I'd agree of course, just wanting to see her, still in the mind set of thinking we might work. She'd come see me, I'd do her hair, and it'd be done with. We were always very attracted to each other, both got weak in the knees just being in each other's presence, and right away she'd be coming up with a plan on how to leave her girl. No, we never cheated, as bad as this scenario all sounds. But anyway, that was it. That was my dream, that she wanted to see me again, and I just lit up inside thinking about it, in my dream. We saw each other, details are kinda blurry now, but I just woke up thinking that she was in my life again, back in the happy way, not in the destructive way that it always ended up being. Lord I'm rambling I know.
My friends keep telling me that it's comin for me. That karma is just right around the corner and I deserve something really great. I'm just holding on to their every word, and trying to keep a smile on my face til I can feel it.
ooooooooh me...
Well that was fun. I've just closed up shop on another crazy girl. I swear I can only attract girls with severe issues, and I have no idea why. I'm a relatively normal girl, just looking for a nice girl to build something lasting with, and yet I somehow always get stuck with people who are so completely wrong for me, or people who have the worst issues I could even imagine. Why me, I ask?
So this one's name was Ash. Actually, let me start with a little about me. For those of you who don't know me personally, if I had to put some kind of label on myself, I'm fall more into the femme category. I do my makeup, do my hair, love wearing big flowy dresses, and love feeling like a woman in all my glory. That being said, for the most part in my past, I have been attracted to other femme girls. Not exclusively, I'm not one to limit myself to any one stereotype at all, but that's just kinda how it's always happened, with dating anyway. Actually, my major ex was actually a little tomboyish when we started dating, but per her requests, I ended up making her over with a new, more stylish hairdo, taught her how to do her makeup, and she actually started wearing girl clothes more and more. I didn't ask her to do this, I think it was just in her all along, and for some reason I brought it out in her. Her personality was still definitely the more 'studdish' one, but you'd never know it by looking at her after we'd been together for a bit. But this is a whole 'nother story. Back to Ash.
Ash is in denial. She's a butch. No question about it. She wears boy clothes (baggy boy clothes), wears cologne, has a shaved head, all that jazz, but she thinks that because she wears mascara and eyeliner, that no one should ever question if she's butch or not, and despises the term butch. Ok, whatever. That's her thing. Moving on, we'd started talking about 2, maybe 3 weeks ago. She always seemed like she was out to impress me, but in an overbearing way. She talked about her clothing a lot, about how she'd only shop at PacSun, about how she had a ton of different shoes, with different colors to match every outfit, and how she'd throw a pair of shoes away if they got one scuff mark on them. Me, I'm the opposite. I never iron my clothes. I keep wearing my clothes until they fall apart. I never plan out outfits, don't worry about if my shoes really truly match my clothes, with the exception of black versus brown. I had to literally tell her that I didn't care to hear about it, I mean, not in a mean way at all, but I ended up just smiling and knodding a lot, and sometimes would even giggle because of how ridiculous I found it all to be. Not that I find matching ridiculous, but when you have to explain every single outfit you're wearing to me in great detail, it's gonna get old. Plus I could care less where you get your clothes, and as for me, I would rather wear something without a label, I'm certainly not getting paid to wear a company's clothes. It's free advertising, and I'm not a corporate kinda gal. Sorry, I keep getting off track.
Next, she had hung out with my friends and me a few times. My friends and I are all really close, and they've become somewhat protective over me after seeing some of the whack jobs I've brought home lol. So naturally, and this is more talking about my best friend Jamie than anyone else, but she likes to 'grill' the fresh meat. I let her have her space when she's doing this, cuz I know there's no way around it, and to be honest I wanna kinda see how they react to it. You can tell a lot about someone in regards to how they act around your friends. Well, she pretty much failed the test. She ended up getting pissy, got confrontational with my friends, and came to me later saying 'I think your friend is trying to hit on me and this is bullshit." Um... ok. wow. My friend is straight, lives with her boyfriend (who was there all night as well), and it was just ridiculous. But me being the nice person who always wants to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, sugar coated it and told myself that she was just stressed about meeting everyone and feeling like she was on the chopping block. Why can't I just ever trust my gut instincts in the beginning? They haven't failed me yet in the end.
And then! ok so she had this neighbor that she used to hang out with a lot. I never met the guy but she had talked about how she would go and smoke ciggs on the front porch with him pretty much every night. She later told me that she didn't like to hang out with him too much anymore after finding out that he smokes crack. Great! I was on the phone with her one time while she was outside smoking with him, and I heard him ask if I had any single friends. She just laughed it off and said no. Just yesterday, she was getting ready to come visit me and we were talking on the phone about what we wanted to do when she got out here. She then told me that she wanted to introduce her crack smoking neighbor to my friend C, who happened to be the only single girl friend of mine that she'd met. She said, "I think he'll like her a lot." Wait, Im sorry, did you just suggest that you hook up my friend, who happens to be in the military, a single mother of two small children, got her shit together no bullshit kinda girl, to your crack smoking neighbor who just asked you for money not two days ago? Guess what ladies and gents, when I said absolutely not, she started in on me for being 'judgemental.' Yeah, I'm not kidding. Are you fucking serious?????
She told me she'd talk to me later, and I said don't bother, there'd be nothing to talk about. Ten minutes later, she's sorry, she's calmed down and thought about it and realizes how right I am. Yeah, I know, big red flags already I KNOW. but, she ends up coming over last night anyway. I've been sick with the flu for 3 days, so she wanted to come see me. Ok, she gets here, and not even 10 minutes later, she asks me to rub her back. I'm a nice girl, very attentive to my partner (not that she was my partner yet, but I'm just saying) and always looking to please others, so I did it. For a good 30 minutes I gave her an amazing back rub, but wait a minute, aren't I the sick one here? Aren't I the one that should be pampered? Yeah, you'd think.
We later layed down to go to bed, she had fallen asleep on the couch so I woke her up to go to bed with me. She apparently doesn't like to be woken up, and got pissed off at me and said 'why didn't you just leave me on the couch? I hate being woken up!' lol... wow. I'm sorry, in my crazy twisted mind I thought she would have wanted me to, to go to bed with me. We get in bed, she turns away from me, and then commands me to move closer to her, even though she was the one who moved away. wtf. I said no. She said why not. I said you're being a bitch. Well damn, I've never seen that girl move that fast. She whipped the covers off so fast, jumped outta bed, put her shoes on, and yelled at me that she didn't have time for this shit, she's been through this shit before, and nobody, and she means NOBODY calls her a bitch. She then stood in my doorway with her back to me, as if she were waiting for me to crumple and go after her. I didn't move a muscle. I let her walk out. I even laughed a bit when I heard the door slam. I texted her to not call me again, and that enough was enough. What a psycho.
I'm not even sure if this all accurately displays why she's so crazy. Oh there was another thing I found out last night. She's a felon apparently. Assault charges from her ex's sister. Yeah, she actually got into a physical fight with her ex's little sister.
she texted me today that she bets I'm not even a lesbian. What the hell? Because you're crazy, that puts my sexuality in question? And what a stupid thing to accuse someone of. I mean for real. Who the fuck cares. Again, I don't like to put a label on myself, but as far as she was concerned, I was giving her a fair shot to date me exclusively. It's just so stupid to me that lesbians sometimes get offended over someone not living up to a title. I'm definitely not saying all of them, or us, or whoever, but do you know what I mean? I love people for who they are, not their sexuality. I mean isn't that what we're fighting for? Acceptance no matter what? Lol... sorry, again, getting sidetracked.
I just don't understand why it seems to be so hard to find someone that I'm compatible with. I make friends so easily, why is it so hard to find someone worth dating? I just want someone nice and caring, and possibly someone who doesn't have to pop 4 xanex to get through a day. Too much to ask? I hope not.
So this one's name was Ash. Actually, let me start with a little about me. For those of you who don't know me personally, if I had to put some kind of label on myself, I'm fall more into the femme category. I do my makeup, do my hair, love wearing big flowy dresses, and love feeling like a woman in all my glory. That being said, for the most part in my past, I have been attracted to other femme girls. Not exclusively, I'm not one to limit myself to any one stereotype at all, but that's just kinda how it's always happened, with dating anyway. Actually, my major ex was actually a little tomboyish when we started dating, but per her requests, I ended up making her over with a new, more stylish hairdo, taught her how to do her makeup, and she actually started wearing girl clothes more and more. I didn't ask her to do this, I think it was just in her all along, and for some reason I brought it out in her. Her personality was still definitely the more 'studdish' one, but you'd never know it by looking at her after we'd been together for a bit. But this is a whole 'nother story. Back to Ash.
Ash is in denial. She's a butch. No question about it. She wears boy clothes (baggy boy clothes), wears cologne, has a shaved head, all that jazz, but she thinks that because she wears mascara and eyeliner, that no one should ever question if she's butch or not, and despises the term butch. Ok, whatever. That's her thing. Moving on, we'd started talking about 2, maybe 3 weeks ago. She always seemed like she was out to impress me, but in an overbearing way. She talked about her clothing a lot, about how she'd only shop at PacSun, about how she had a ton of different shoes, with different colors to match every outfit, and how she'd throw a pair of shoes away if they got one scuff mark on them. Me, I'm the opposite. I never iron my clothes. I keep wearing my clothes until they fall apart. I never plan out outfits, don't worry about if my shoes really truly match my clothes, with the exception of black versus brown. I had to literally tell her that I didn't care to hear about it, I mean, not in a mean way at all, but I ended up just smiling and knodding a lot, and sometimes would even giggle because of how ridiculous I found it all to be. Not that I find matching ridiculous, but when you have to explain every single outfit you're wearing to me in great detail, it's gonna get old. Plus I could care less where you get your clothes, and as for me, I would rather wear something without a label, I'm certainly not getting paid to wear a company's clothes. It's free advertising, and I'm not a corporate kinda gal. Sorry, I keep getting off track.
Next, she had hung out with my friends and me a few times. My friends and I are all really close, and they've become somewhat protective over me after seeing some of the whack jobs I've brought home lol. So naturally, and this is more talking about my best friend Jamie than anyone else, but she likes to 'grill' the fresh meat. I let her have her space when she's doing this, cuz I know there's no way around it, and to be honest I wanna kinda see how they react to it. You can tell a lot about someone in regards to how they act around your friends. Well, she pretty much failed the test. She ended up getting pissy, got confrontational with my friends, and came to me later saying 'I think your friend is trying to hit on me and this is bullshit." Um... ok. wow. My friend is straight, lives with her boyfriend (who was there all night as well), and it was just ridiculous. But me being the nice person who always wants to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, sugar coated it and told myself that she was just stressed about meeting everyone and feeling like she was on the chopping block. Why can't I just ever trust my gut instincts in the beginning? They haven't failed me yet in the end.
And then! ok so she had this neighbor that she used to hang out with a lot. I never met the guy but she had talked about how she would go and smoke ciggs on the front porch with him pretty much every night. She later told me that she didn't like to hang out with him too much anymore after finding out that he smokes crack. Great! I was on the phone with her one time while she was outside smoking with him, and I heard him ask if I had any single friends. She just laughed it off and said no. Just yesterday, she was getting ready to come visit me and we were talking on the phone about what we wanted to do when she got out here. She then told me that she wanted to introduce her crack smoking neighbor to my friend C, who happened to be the only single girl friend of mine that she'd met. She said, "I think he'll like her a lot." Wait, Im sorry, did you just suggest that you hook up my friend, who happens to be in the military, a single mother of two small children, got her shit together no bullshit kinda girl, to your crack smoking neighbor who just asked you for money not two days ago? Guess what ladies and gents, when I said absolutely not, she started in on me for being 'judgemental.' Yeah, I'm not kidding. Are you fucking serious?????
She told me she'd talk to me later, and I said don't bother, there'd be nothing to talk about. Ten minutes later, she's sorry, she's calmed down and thought about it and realizes how right I am. Yeah, I know, big red flags already I KNOW. but, she ends up coming over last night anyway. I've been sick with the flu for 3 days, so she wanted to come see me. Ok, she gets here, and not even 10 minutes later, she asks me to rub her back. I'm a nice girl, very attentive to my partner (not that she was my partner yet, but I'm just saying) and always looking to please others, so I did it. For a good 30 minutes I gave her an amazing back rub, but wait a minute, aren't I the sick one here? Aren't I the one that should be pampered? Yeah, you'd think.
We later layed down to go to bed, she had fallen asleep on the couch so I woke her up to go to bed with me. She apparently doesn't like to be woken up, and got pissed off at me and said 'why didn't you just leave me on the couch? I hate being woken up!' lol... wow. I'm sorry, in my crazy twisted mind I thought she would have wanted me to, to go to bed with me. We get in bed, she turns away from me, and then commands me to move closer to her, even though she was the one who moved away. wtf. I said no. She said why not. I said you're being a bitch. Well damn, I've never seen that girl move that fast. She whipped the covers off so fast, jumped outta bed, put her shoes on, and yelled at me that she didn't have time for this shit, she's been through this shit before, and nobody, and she means NOBODY calls her a bitch. She then stood in my doorway with her back to me, as if she were waiting for me to crumple and go after her. I didn't move a muscle. I let her walk out. I even laughed a bit when I heard the door slam. I texted her to not call me again, and that enough was enough. What a psycho.
I'm not even sure if this all accurately displays why she's so crazy. Oh there was another thing I found out last night. She's a felon apparently. Assault charges from her ex's sister. Yeah, she actually got into a physical fight with her ex's little sister.
she texted me today that she bets I'm not even a lesbian. What the hell? Because you're crazy, that puts my sexuality in question? And what a stupid thing to accuse someone of. I mean for real. Who the fuck cares. Again, I don't like to put a label on myself, but as far as she was concerned, I was giving her a fair shot to date me exclusively. It's just so stupid to me that lesbians sometimes get offended over someone not living up to a title. I'm definitely not saying all of them, or us, or whoever, but do you know what I mean? I love people for who they are, not their sexuality. I mean isn't that what we're fighting for? Acceptance no matter what? Lol... sorry, again, getting sidetracked.
I just don't understand why it seems to be so hard to find someone that I'm compatible with. I make friends so easily, why is it so hard to find someone worth dating? I just want someone nice and caring, and possibly someone who doesn't have to pop 4 xanex to get through a day. Too much to ask? I hope not.
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