Ok has anyone been watching Armagedon week on the history channel this week? It's like a bad car accident, I don't want to look at it but I have to... I simply can't make myself not watch it. Omg it's freaking me out. It just keeps talking about all the different ways the world could end in 2012. I mean they are talking about everything from giant meteors to super volcanoes to talking about how the sun will be directly at the center of our universe which will dramatically change our orbit and all this crazy stuff.
I personally believe it's all a bunch of hype, or at least I'm telling myself that everytime my heart feels like it's about to beat out of my chest thinking that it could all actually be over soon. But they're talking so much about Nostradamus and his predictions and prophecies, and they keep reciting so many of his different Quatrains (his book of prophecies). They talk about how he predicted so many different things, starting with the death of the king during his life time, and even things lik the JFK shooting and Clinton's adultery. They of course have said that he predicted 9/11. But don't you think that if these predictions were actually already there plain as day that we would have done something about it in advance? That's just where I think it's all a hoax of some sort. People read up on his predictions and then after an event happens, they compare his words to what happened, and a lot of it really could have been talking about anything. Nothing is ever clear, and further more the date in 2012 doesn't ever appear in his writings. I think that people as a whole are just looking to believe in something that is beyond their own understanding. That's not to say that something couldn't happen, but I just think that they're making a bigger deal over this than their maybe needs to be.
If ya'll have been watching these shows, you'd know what I'm talking about. It all just seems to be so much for shock value. I mean they are going all out, thinking up every possible scenario that could damage or extinguish our earth. Of course all of these things could happen, most of them already have happened hundreds of thousands of years ago.
I'm not at all saying that because I don't fully believe it that it can't be real, but I just think people listen too much without thinking on their own. It just all seems to be so dramatic. It all is very interesting to watch, and I'm definitely interested to hear new developments on the whole doomsday issue, but there's just still this big voice in my head saying... Come on! Calm down, take a seat.
What do you all think about it all?
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I'm excited.
So after reading Tanya's post at Learning to Live as Love, it got me thinking about how I really don't have that many lesbian friends. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much I would really like to change that. Most of my friends are straight, and I love them, but it really is different when you have a friend who is the same sexuality as you are. I'm not ungrateful for the friends I do have, but still, it's just different.
I have had reservations about trying to make friends within the lesbian community around here. Of course, the obvious place that you think of to meet lesbians is the local lesbian bars. I haven't had the greatest experiences there. I've been to two different bars, two times each, and I just never really felt comfortable there. I've always been shy, must worse when I was younger, but still shy now none the less, and I don't talk to strangers very easily. Mostly all of the ladies there seemed to already know each other, and it seemed to be a lot of drama going around... I don't know, I just didn't feel like I fit in. I've never really been a bar person, and since I don't have that many lesbian friends, I don't have anyone to go with... etc. Plus I have absolutely no game lol... I'm too shy for that. Yes of course alcohol helps with feeling like you have game, but still. I'm just shy I guess. The whole scene just felt too intimidating to me.
So I remembered a long time ago someone mentioning meetup.com, so i decided to go on there and look up local lesbian groups. I found a huge one, over 500 members that are all in the area, and they do a lot of social gatherings. I looked through their pictures from past meet ups and they just all look really nice. So I signed up! I'm nervous about it, but I'm just make myself go and keep a smile on my face.
I'm just really in the mood to LIVE lately. I want to broaden my horizons as much as I can. I feel like I'm just missing out on so much just because I've let myself keep up these barriers. Not really barriers, as much as... well I don't even know what I'm trying to get at here. But since I'm a hairstylist, it has forced me to have to talk with strangers one on one all the time, when I'm with clients. So that has definitely helped me get over some of my scaredycat-shyness issues. But yeah. I just want to meet new people and learn new things and experience things that I was always too scared to do before (yes I'm still talking about how I was scared to talk to strangers haha). Anyway, I'm excited about trying something new, and maybe making some new friends. Has anyone ever tried the meetup.com things in their area? What are your thoughts?
I have had reservations about trying to make friends within the lesbian community around here. Of course, the obvious place that you think of to meet lesbians is the local lesbian bars. I haven't had the greatest experiences there. I've been to two different bars, two times each, and I just never really felt comfortable there. I've always been shy, must worse when I was younger, but still shy now none the less, and I don't talk to strangers very easily. Mostly all of the ladies there seemed to already know each other, and it seemed to be a lot of drama going around... I don't know, I just didn't feel like I fit in. I've never really been a bar person, and since I don't have that many lesbian friends, I don't have anyone to go with... etc. Plus I have absolutely no game lol... I'm too shy for that. Yes of course alcohol helps with feeling like you have game, but still. I'm just shy I guess. The whole scene just felt too intimidating to me.
So I remembered a long time ago someone mentioning meetup.com, so i decided to go on there and look up local lesbian groups. I found a huge one, over 500 members that are all in the area, and they do a lot of social gatherings. I looked through their pictures from past meet ups and they just all look really nice. So I signed up! I'm nervous about it, but I'm just make myself go and keep a smile on my face.
I'm just really in the mood to LIVE lately. I want to broaden my horizons as much as I can. I feel like I'm just missing out on so much just because I've let myself keep up these barriers. Not really barriers, as much as... well I don't even know what I'm trying to get at here. But since I'm a hairstylist, it has forced me to have to talk with strangers one on one all the time, when I'm with clients. So that has definitely helped me get over some of my scaredycat-shyness issues. But yeah. I just want to meet new people and learn new things and experience things that I was always too scared to do before (yes I'm still talking about how I was scared to talk to strangers haha). Anyway, I'm excited about trying something new, and maybe making some new friends. Has anyone ever tried the meetup.com things in their area? What are your thoughts?
Monday, January 4, 2010
The ongoing battle.
So my sister and I haven't been getting along at all. She's younger than me, she's just turned 22 last October. We actually haven't ever really gotten along, not as much as I would have liked. When we were young, she always annoyed me. She would always get me in trouble with mom for not including her in things, typical little sister stuff, I guess that's pretty common. But as we've gotten older, she still has the 'baby of the family' mentality, and my parents are continuing to baby her. My dad especially.
But anyway, she's making a lot of really bad decisions with her life. She's just continuing to be extremely irresponsible with her life in so many different ways. She's lying to everything and just telling anyone who will listen exactly what they need to hear to 'take her side' and make her feel better about what she's doing. It's become such a downward spiral, and no one even knows what to do anymore to help her to just grow up and start taking some responsibility. She expects my parents and me to just pick up her pieces and isn't ever even grateful for us doing something for her. For example, she parked her car in a resident's parking spot at her new apartment before she had the sticker on her car. There was a guest parking spot about 5 spots down, but she didn't want to have to walk that far. So of course, her car got towed overnight, and guess who had to pay for it? I did, $125 that she just fully expected me to just hand over. She demanded it by saying that she needed it that day or the next day it would be an additional $125. I told her she needed to ask dad for the money, and she said she was scared to call him because he was already mad at her. I asked her why, and she said because her license is suspended. That's just to start.
When her boyfriend drover her to my house to pick up the money (which she was highly pissed off that I couldn't bring it to her, didn't matter that I had a client on her way to my house) she burst in the front door and started yelling "Kelly! I need the money, hurry up! And I left my coat here last time, get my coat!" I was mortified, since everyone in the house heard her. She's so rude and demanding and she didn't even say thank you when I handed her the money. I'm just so over her rudeness.
Anyway, Christmas rolls around, and we make nice in front of our relatives, and even had a good time. Well she was flashing her camera all night and she took a bunch of pictures of all of us, cousins and so on. Well, a few of the pictures that she took of me, well they were really bad. Really bad angles or lighting... and I told her to delete them. Well instead of deleting them, she posted them all on facebook and tagged me in them. When I saw them, I was almost in tears. I'm not overly self conscious, but I'm not too excited about my body right now, and it's like these pictures made me look even 10 times worse than I actually look, and she knew it too. So I untagged myself, and wrote her a short and sweet email saying 'ok, no more tagging me in pictures on facebook unless I ok it first. Some of those pics were really horrible and you should know which ones I'd want posted on here. thank you.' Her reply: Well Kelly, by now you might know that I don't give a shit.
I don't even know why it's gotten so bad between us, and why she thinks that it's ok to talk to anyone like that, much less her own sister, the person that has always been there for her. I've gotten her out of so many problems, I even got her a job at my salon about a year ago, which turned out to be a horribly embarrassing fiasco for me. She didn't last 2 days.
So now my mom is wanting us to have a family meeting or something. I'm pretty much to the point where I don't want to have anything to do with her anymore, but I've agreed to have a sit down with her and my mom and my cousin to see what is going on with her. But this will be my last attempt at trying to have an actual relationship with her, after this it'll be up to her to come to me and try to smooth things over. I just think that it's ridiculous that it's coming to this, when I haven't done anything but help her, and she just acts like I'm the enemy. Not sure yet when we're having the meeting, but I'm sure I'll have much to write about when it happens.
But anyway, she's making a lot of really bad decisions with her life. She's just continuing to be extremely irresponsible with her life in so many different ways. She's lying to everything and just telling anyone who will listen exactly what they need to hear to 'take her side' and make her feel better about what she's doing. It's become such a downward spiral, and no one even knows what to do anymore to help her to just grow up and start taking some responsibility. She expects my parents and me to just pick up her pieces and isn't ever even grateful for us doing something for her. For example, she parked her car in a resident's parking spot at her new apartment before she had the sticker on her car. There was a guest parking spot about 5 spots down, but she didn't want to have to walk that far. So of course, her car got towed overnight, and guess who had to pay for it? I did, $125 that she just fully expected me to just hand over. She demanded it by saying that she needed it that day or the next day it would be an additional $125. I told her she needed to ask dad for the money, and she said she was scared to call him because he was already mad at her. I asked her why, and she said because her license is suspended. That's just to start.
When her boyfriend drover her to my house to pick up the money (which she was highly pissed off that I couldn't bring it to her, didn't matter that I had a client on her way to my house) she burst in the front door and started yelling "Kelly! I need the money, hurry up! And I left my coat here last time, get my coat!" I was mortified, since everyone in the house heard her. She's so rude and demanding and she didn't even say thank you when I handed her the money. I'm just so over her rudeness.
Anyway, Christmas rolls around, and we make nice in front of our relatives, and even had a good time. Well she was flashing her camera all night and she took a bunch of pictures of all of us, cousins and so on. Well, a few of the pictures that she took of me, well they were really bad. Really bad angles or lighting... and I told her to delete them. Well instead of deleting them, she posted them all on facebook and tagged me in them. When I saw them, I was almost in tears. I'm not overly self conscious, but I'm not too excited about my body right now, and it's like these pictures made me look even 10 times worse than I actually look, and she knew it too. So I untagged myself, and wrote her a short and sweet email saying 'ok, no more tagging me in pictures on facebook unless I ok it first. Some of those pics were really horrible and you should know which ones I'd want posted on here. thank you.' Her reply: Well Kelly, by now you might know that I don't give a shit.
I don't even know why it's gotten so bad between us, and why she thinks that it's ok to talk to anyone like that, much less her own sister, the person that has always been there for her. I've gotten her out of so many problems, I even got her a job at my salon about a year ago, which turned out to be a horribly embarrassing fiasco for me. She didn't last 2 days.
So now my mom is wanting us to have a family meeting or something. I'm pretty much to the point where I don't want to have anything to do with her anymore, but I've agreed to have a sit down with her and my mom and my cousin to see what is going on with her. But this will be my last attempt at trying to have an actual relationship with her, after this it'll be up to her to come to me and try to smooth things over. I just think that it's ridiculous that it's coming to this, when I haven't done anything but help her, and she just acts like I'm the enemy. Not sure yet when we're having the meeting, but I'm sure I'll have much to write about when it happens.
My friend.
I have a friend, J, who is just amazing.
I met her about a year and a half ago. Our first meeting was actually a coffee date at a Barnes and Noble. It was obvious to me when I first met her that she was something special, even if she didn't know it. We became quick friends, and right away I knew I'd made a great friend that I'd always be able to lean on or count on. She helped me get through quite a few crying fits over the crazy ex's. She always had something constructive to say, and somehow I always felt so much more at ease after just one talk with her. She's also a single mother of one little adorable boy, who is her world. You should see his smile! He's so full of life, just like his mother.
I met her about a year and a half ago. Our first meeting was actually a coffee date at a Barnes and Noble. It was obvious to me when I first met her that she was something special, even if she didn't know it. We became quick friends, and right away I knew I'd made a great friend that I'd always be able to lean on or count on. She helped me get through quite a few crying fits over the crazy ex's. She always had something constructive to say, and somehow I always felt so much more at ease after just one talk with her. She's also a single mother of one little adorable boy, who is her world. You should see his smile! He's so full of life, just like his mother.
We've slightly fallen out of touch in the past few months, other than read each other's blogs from time to time, but I've just found out that she's going through a really rough time, and I just want her to know: J, I think the world of you. You are a wonderful person, friend, mother, and good things are coming to you. Everything happens for a reason, and you have to just look back on it as lessons learned and be grateful for everything that you still have going for you (a lot!!!!!). I'll always be there for you as you were for me, and I can't wait to rekindle our friendship. J! You are awesome and I'm presenting you with these two awards that I picked out just for you.
Post them on your blog and feel free to pass them on!
J, you're amazing, and don't you forget that.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Happy New Year! Part 1-The Girl
I always wait too long to update... and in my mind I'm listing all of these things that I want to write about and I never get around to doing it until it's just so much that I end up writing novels. I do apologize if it annoys any of my readers lol. But for the holiday posts, I'll break it up into different posts. This first one is about the girl, and then we'll move on into Christmas in the next one.
The girl, C. What a sweetheart. She lives 4 hours north of me, and we'd been talking for the better part of December. I believe I've already mentioned her in my last post. So we made plans to meet up for the first time on the weekend right after Christmas. I went up to see her, and she got a hotel for 2 nights. She totally treated me the whole weekend, paid for all of our meals and outtings, and I actually had to fight her off when I insisted on paying for the movie we went to see, and the popcorn and goodies. She was very nice, and I felt comfortable around her pretty instantly. She was pretty shy, but slowly was able to open up throughout the weekend. I left Monday to come home, and something changed in her from that instant on. She seemed to get very depressed and stressed out, pretty much out of no where. Tuesday morning started it off, first it was that everyone was fighting at work, then it was that her best friend Mike was probably going to be mad at her for coming to see me for new years, then it was some misunderstanding between the two of us about how long she'd be staying for new years weekend here at my place, and how she needed time to herself to get some stuff done, which I was fine with, but then she just seemed to get totally stressed out about the fact that she was having to explain herself and didn't want me to think that she was making up excuses and etc. It was just a lot of 'woah' out of no where. So I did my best to try to smooth things over and put a smile on her face, and get her excited about coming to see me for new years.
I plan on having my best friend and her boyfriend over, and C was gonna drive straight here from work, planning on being here by 10pm on New Years Eve. I'm making a big dinner, with homemade pesto alfredo pasta, roasted chicken, sauted green beans, and even brownie sundays for dessert. I love cooking for people. Anyway, best friend and her boyfriend got here around 9, we had a couple beers and I finished cooking everything, and C got here a little after 10. She was all huffy puffy when she got here, carrying her bags up to my room, she just already seemed annoyed or tired or something. I tried to just ignore it, and went back into the kitchen. She came in and I made the introductions around the room, and then she started making drinks for herself and me. We had cosmo mix and vodka and peach shnapps leftover from the previous weekend, so she made drinks with that. Well... she ended up drinking way too much way too fast, and was pretty much hanging all over me all night. We were playing cards after dinner, up until the ball dropped, and she grabbed the cards at one point and started trying to do card tricks, that inevitably kept coming up wrong. She ended up getting mad at the cards... and the whole night just went downhill from there. Midnight rolls around, and she lays one on me... a big juicy one, and just kept at it even when I tried to pull away... she ended up falling over on me, and then complaining that my best friend and her boyfriend were getting a 'real kiss' and insisting that I kiss her more. It was just so over the top. Bestie kept looking at me like... what's wrong with her? and I was just so embarrassed for her. I don't know if she'd just had a bad week or if she was nervous about meeting my friends or what, but she just got so trashed really fast and I didn't even know how to control her haha. We ended up just going to bed around 1 after I cleaned up and Bestie left, and she started crying when I didn't want to..uh... ya know... and she rolled over and passed out. She was just so drunk and I knew I just couldn't do that, she probably wouldn't have remembered anyway. The next day, she slept until 4 in the afternoon in my bed, and got up at 3 different times to throw up. Yeah, quite a new years haha. When she finally did get up, I was just sitting downstairs watching tv with my roommate, and she came down here smelling like death and wanted to cuddle up to me on the couch. This is only my second time hanging out with her, and I felt so bad but I just couldn't help but be annoyed, for lack of a less harsh word. But do you know what I mean? I mean I'm not a mean person, but come on. So I sent her upstairs to shower, saying it'd make her feel better. After she came back down, I suggested we go get something to eat, just to get outta the house, and we ended up just going to ihop after driving around for a good 20 minutes and me offering different places as choices to eat and everytime she'd say 'just whatever you want is fine.' That's another thing that I've realized I can't deal with, I don't want to always be the one who makes all of the decisions in a relationship. I don't want to feel like I always have to take the lead just because she's too scared to have an opinion that might not be agreeable to me. Sidenote, sorry. So at dinner, she's basically just sitting in silence, hasn't smiled at all since she woke up, and I'm doing all I can to lighten the mood and try to slice away some of the awkwardness that she's just laying on so thick. It finally comes down to me having to say, 'Ok babe, what is it. What's wrong?' and she can't even look at me but she says she's sad because she's feeling distant from me and has no idea why I'm acting like I want to have nothing to do with her. I literally had to steer the conversation away from that topic because I was scared that she was going to have a breakdown right in the middle of ihop. The conversation is just somewhat of a fog now, but I had to explain to her that I don't know what has happened but that she's not the same bubbly girl that I originally started talking to, and that I'd love to help her figure out why, but that I was wondering if maybe I just don't bring out the best in her, or maybe she just has too much on her plate right now, or maybe she's just not really ready to start something new yet, still hanging on too tightly to her previous heartaches. Anyway, long story short, we ended up saying we'd shoot for a friendship at this point, and she ended up just packing her bags and going home when we got back from ihop. I felt horrible, because she broke down as I tried to talk her into staying at least til morning because I didn't want her driving home for 4 hours while being so upset.. but she just couldn't shake it. I did everything I could to try to calm her down, I said we could even just stay in and watch movies all night, no pressure, but everything I said just seemed to upset her more. She left, and thankfully got home safely.
I wrote her a pretty lengthy email over facebook saying how sorry I was and how I'd never meant to hurt her and all this stuff, and as I was writing it, I was realizing more and more things about what I need from a partner. Speaking of which, I guess it just goes with the territory of being picky and actually looking for a soulmate instead of someone to just pass the time with, but I'm getting tired of everyone that I've been dating just being one more lesson of something that I don't want. But anyway, I realized that as much as I need someone who's sweet, I need someone with a strong personality as well. I feel that I am both of those things as well, but I need someone who's even stronger willed than I am maybe. Of course this is all just brainstorming and more or less 'talking to myself' haha. But as sweet as she started off to be, I couldn't handle being with someone who was more whiney than I am. Sooooooo... such is life, and I'm right back to where I started, dragging with me now a little guilt for hurting her, and a little more knowledge of what I'll be looking for in the future. Not how I expected my new years to go, but one can only be hopeful for the future.
The girl, C. What a sweetheart. She lives 4 hours north of me, and we'd been talking for the better part of December. I believe I've already mentioned her in my last post. So we made plans to meet up for the first time on the weekend right after Christmas. I went up to see her, and she got a hotel for 2 nights. She totally treated me the whole weekend, paid for all of our meals and outtings, and I actually had to fight her off when I insisted on paying for the movie we went to see, and the popcorn and goodies. She was very nice, and I felt comfortable around her pretty instantly. She was pretty shy, but slowly was able to open up throughout the weekend. I left Monday to come home, and something changed in her from that instant on. She seemed to get very depressed and stressed out, pretty much out of no where. Tuesday morning started it off, first it was that everyone was fighting at work, then it was that her best friend Mike was probably going to be mad at her for coming to see me for new years, then it was some misunderstanding between the two of us about how long she'd be staying for new years weekend here at my place, and how she needed time to herself to get some stuff done, which I was fine with, but then she just seemed to get totally stressed out about the fact that she was having to explain herself and didn't want me to think that she was making up excuses and etc. It was just a lot of 'woah' out of no where. So I did my best to try to smooth things over and put a smile on her face, and get her excited about coming to see me for new years.
I plan on having my best friend and her boyfriend over, and C was gonna drive straight here from work, planning on being here by 10pm on New Years Eve. I'm making a big dinner, with homemade pesto alfredo pasta, roasted chicken, sauted green beans, and even brownie sundays for dessert. I love cooking for people. Anyway, best friend and her boyfriend got here around 9, we had a couple beers and I finished cooking everything, and C got here a little after 10. She was all huffy puffy when she got here, carrying her bags up to my room, she just already seemed annoyed or tired or something. I tried to just ignore it, and went back into the kitchen. She came in and I made the introductions around the room, and then she started making drinks for herself and me. We had cosmo mix and vodka and peach shnapps leftover from the previous weekend, so she made drinks with that. Well... she ended up drinking way too much way too fast, and was pretty much hanging all over me all night. We were playing cards after dinner, up until the ball dropped, and she grabbed the cards at one point and started trying to do card tricks, that inevitably kept coming up wrong. She ended up getting mad at the cards... and the whole night just went downhill from there. Midnight rolls around, and she lays one on me... a big juicy one, and just kept at it even when I tried to pull away... she ended up falling over on me, and then complaining that my best friend and her boyfriend were getting a 'real kiss' and insisting that I kiss her more. It was just so over the top. Bestie kept looking at me like... what's wrong with her? and I was just so embarrassed for her. I don't know if she'd just had a bad week or if she was nervous about meeting my friends or what, but she just got so trashed really fast and I didn't even know how to control her haha. We ended up just going to bed around 1 after I cleaned up and Bestie left, and she started crying when I didn't want to..uh... ya know... and she rolled over and passed out. She was just so drunk and I knew I just couldn't do that, she probably wouldn't have remembered anyway. The next day, she slept until 4 in the afternoon in my bed, and got up at 3 different times to throw up. Yeah, quite a new years haha. When she finally did get up, I was just sitting downstairs watching tv with my roommate, and she came down here smelling like death and wanted to cuddle up to me on the couch. This is only my second time hanging out with her, and I felt so bad but I just couldn't help but be annoyed, for lack of a less harsh word. But do you know what I mean? I mean I'm not a mean person, but come on. So I sent her upstairs to shower, saying it'd make her feel better. After she came back down, I suggested we go get something to eat, just to get outta the house, and we ended up just going to ihop after driving around for a good 20 minutes and me offering different places as choices to eat and everytime she'd say 'just whatever you want is fine.' That's another thing that I've realized I can't deal with, I don't want to always be the one who makes all of the decisions in a relationship. I don't want to feel like I always have to take the lead just because she's too scared to have an opinion that might not be agreeable to me. Sidenote, sorry. So at dinner, she's basically just sitting in silence, hasn't smiled at all since she woke up, and I'm doing all I can to lighten the mood and try to slice away some of the awkwardness that she's just laying on so thick. It finally comes down to me having to say, 'Ok babe, what is it. What's wrong?' and she can't even look at me but she says she's sad because she's feeling distant from me and has no idea why I'm acting like I want to have nothing to do with her. I literally had to steer the conversation away from that topic because I was scared that she was going to have a breakdown right in the middle of ihop. The conversation is just somewhat of a fog now, but I had to explain to her that I don't know what has happened but that she's not the same bubbly girl that I originally started talking to, and that I'd love to help her figure out why, but that I was wondering if maybe I just don't bring out the best in her, or maybe she just has too much on her plate right now, or maybe she's just not really ready to start something new yet, still hanging on too tightly to her previous heartaches. Anyway, long story short, we ended up saying we'd shoot for a friendship at this point, and she ended up just packing her bags and going home when we got back from ihop. I felt horrible, because she broke down as I tried to talk her into staying at least til morning because I didn't want her driving home for 4 hours while being so upset.. but she just couldn't shake it. I did everything I could to try to calm her down, I said we could even just stay in and watch movies all night, no pressure, but everything I said just seemed to upset her more. She left, and thankfully got home safely.
I wrote her a pretty lengthy email over facebook saying how sorry I was and how I'd never meant to hurt her and all this stuff, and as I was writing it, I was realizing more and more things about what I need from a partner. Speaking of which, I guess it just goes with the territory of being picky and actually looking for a soulmate instead of someone to just pass the time with, but I'm getting tired of everyone that I've been dating just being one more lesson of something that I don't want. But anyway, I realized that as much as I need someone who's sweet, I need someone with a strong personality as well. I feel that I am both of those things as well, but I need someone who's even stronger willed than I am maybe. Of course this is all just brainstorming and more or less 'talking to myself' haha. But as sweet as she started off to be, I couldn't handle being with someone who was more whiney than I am. Sooooooo... such is life, and I'm right back to where I started, dragging with me now a little guilt for hurting her, and a little more knowledge of what I'll be looking for in the future. Not how I expected my new years to go, but one can only be hopeful for the future.
Monday, December 21, 2009
boop boop be doop
I apologize for the weird titles, I just was thinking about how I always have so much to say, but i have the hardest time labeling and tittling i mean titling (teehee) my posts. I don't know why. I have the same issue with my paintings. The painting process usually just pours out of me, but when it comes to titling the piece when I'm all done, I've had to frequently ask friends, 'so, what would you name this? help me out!'
That little rant was not at all what I came here to say. I'm quite smitten with how things are going right now. It's christmas!! I can't believe it's already here. This year has been rough on me, but looking back, it's been a great year for learning and growing. I got through it all, and came out great. Looking back, it doesn't even seem like it was ever that bad. It could have always been worse, and I'm very thankful for my health and for the health and safety of those I love. It could always be worse, and I sometimes feel bad for complaining, when I know that others have it 10, 20, 30 times worse than I do. But we all have our moments of 'woe is me' and I'm just thankful to have gotten through mine. My year is closing up rather well, and I'm excited to start a new year, with all of my new decisions, my new career choices, new home, and maybe even a new great girl. Great girl. C.
In my last post, I had talked about a new girl, but like so many others, she quickly turned out to be not for me. Luckily just a couple days later, I started talking to this girl C. From the very beginning, we've pretty much agreed on everything. We seem to have so much in common that at times it's rather scary, and we both keep saying that we're just waiting for something to happen, cuz it almost seems to good to be true. We haven't met yet, but I can safely say that I don't think I've ever enjoyed getting to really know someone as much as I do with her. We'll frequently have phone conversations that easily last 4 to 6 hours before we even know it. We just can't stop talking. I really enjoy listening to her and hearing about her life stories, and for some crazy reason, she's just as eager to listen to me ramble on and on. We're planning to meet the day after christmas, this saturday coming up. She lives about 3 hours north, and I'll be going up there for the weekend. At times, just like any other 'blind date', I get nervous thinking that maybe there won't be a spark or something... just normal wonderings I guess, but I honestly feel like we know each other so well it feels like we've already met kinda. Weird I know, but I just already feel so comfortable with her. And we've already said that in some weird alternate universe, if we happen to not be as great a match as we're thinking we are, at least we've gotten a new great friend out of it. I've just really enjoyed talking to her, finally finding someone that i have so much in common with, and so many of the same ideals about life. so.... wish me luck next weekend.
Oh wowwwwww, I just got a call from an old friend that moved to New Orleans a while ago, with news that he's moving back here. I'm soooo excited!! I can't wait to see him, that kid would have me rolling he was so funny. Great news!
Oh, and may I just say that I hate the new Target christmas commercials. I think that all of them are weird and awkward and just all really horribly written. I just hate them and they make me clench my teeth everything they come on lol. Worst commercials ever.
That little rant was not at all what I came here to say. I'm quite smitten with how things are going right now. It's christmas!! I can't believe it's already here. This year has been rough on me, but looking back, it's been a great year for learning and growing. I got through it all, and came out great. Looking back, it doesn't even seem like it was ever that bad. It could have always been worse, and I'm very thankful for my health and for the health and safety of those I love. It could always be worse, and I sometimes feel bad for complaining, when I know that others have it 10, 20, 30 times worse than I do. But we all have our moments of 'woe is me' and I'm just thankful to have gotten through mine. My year is closing up rather well, and I'm excited to start a new year, with all of my new decisions, my new career choices, new home, and maybe even a new great girl. Great girl. C.
In my last post, I had talked about a new girl, but like so many others, she quickly turned out to be not for me. Luckily just a couple days later, I started talking to this girl C. From the very beginning, we've pretty much agreed on everything. We seem to have so much in common that at times it's rather scary, and we both keep saying that we're just waiting for something to happen, cuz it almost seems to good to be true. We haven't met yet, but I can safely say that I don't think I've ever enjoyed getting to really know someone as much as I do with her. We'll frequently have phone conversations that easily last 4 to 6 hours before we even know it. We just can't stop talking. I really enjoy listening to her and hearing about her life stories, and for some crazy reason, she's just as eager to listen to me ramble on and on. We're planning to meet the day after christmas, this saturday coming up. She lives about 3 hours north, and I'll be going up there for the weekend. At times, just like any other 'blind date', I get nervous thinking that maybe there won't be a spark or something... just normal wonderings I guess, but I honestly feel like we know each other so well it feels like we've already met kinda. Weird I know, but I just already feel so comfortable with her. And we've already said that in some weird alternate universe, if we happen to not be as great a match as we're thinking we are, at least we've gotten a new great friend out of it. I've just really enjoyed talking to her, finally finding someone that i have so much in common with, and so many of the same ideals about life. so.... wish me luck next weekend.
Oh wowwwwww, I just got a call from an old friend that moved to New Orleans a while ago, with news that he's moving back here. I'm soooo excited!! I can't wait to see him, that kid would have me rolling he was so funny. Great news!
Oh, and may I just say that I hate the new Target christmas commercials. I think that all of them are weird and awkward and just all really horribly written. I just hate them and they make me clench my teeth everything they come on lol. Worst commercials ever.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Paintinggg
So I finished this painting a couple weeks ago. I had put an ad on craigslist for my paintings, and that I was looking for new work if someone was interested... and this guy emailed me back that day and said he had been looking for a local artist to do 3 pieces for him. This was the first of 3:
First... let me say that I am a wee 5'1. this painting is almost as big as I am, to the point where it was difficult to get from one place to the next. it's 36in by 48in. Biggest painting I've ever done. Here's a close up of her face (keep in mind that this face is way bigger than an actual human face!)
It took me a total of 32 hours to complete it. He sent me a picture of what he wanted, and I did it, adding a touch of my own in places here and there. It's a 'Dia de los Muertos' painting, and when I was all finished, it was difficult to let go of. So far, this has been my 'Mt. Everest' of paintings, and when you spend that much time with something, creating something, and putting your heart and soul into it, it becomes a part of you. It wasn't even really my style, but it didn't matter in the end. I love it. and best of all, he LOVED IT. And i loved the super big payout that I got for it hehe. And now I'm totally excited because since he's seen what I can do, he has all these other ideas for the two other paintings, and it's gonna be awesome. I can't even tell you how much satisfaction you get out of getting paid to do what you really love. It's an amazing feeling. And I'm starting to feel really great about my abilities and where they're going to take me. I feel so completely blessed and lucky, even if I'm not religious haha.
Here's another one I did last month, this was for a client of mine, and she loved it too.
This one's a little smaller, only 28in by 34in (or close to that i think). The texture on it is paper mache, and crushed seashells. The purple was done because it's her nephew that has Hodgkin's Lymphoma (I talked about him in a previous post, Shae), and purple is the awareness color for it. She's redecorating her house, and quite a few rooms have a lot of purple in them.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
holy crap.
Ok so... I've just had a crazy night. What's so horrible is that my two dude roommates and I are laughing about it. It's actually not that funny... but we can't help it.
Ok I had a client to do at her house tonight, and I left my house around 645. Prior to that and earlier in the day, my roommates Sheri and Brandon were decorating the christmas tree, and I was doing my sister's hair, and Sheri and I were drinking eggnog and rum, the premixed kind from the liquor store. I had one and a half glasses, and that was enough to make me buzz a bit, and enough for me to feel the need to take a cat nap before going to my client. Sheri had finished off the first bottle of the nog and rum, and also gone up to bed to take a nap around 4 or so. Around 6, she comes downstairs, and I'm getting set up to go to my client. She's obviously still drunk, as she'd had a lot more to drink than I had. Brandon had already left to go to work. I leave to go do my client.
I get home around 9:40, and I find Sheri completely passed out and laying flat on her back on our hardwood floor, in the middle of the living room. She's breathing, actually snoring, but as I try to wake her up, I realize she's in a completely deep sleep and not waking up at all, no matter what I do. I call my friend who used to be an EMT, and she tells me to push my knuckles into her chest plate hard enough that she's need to wake up to respond to the pain. That didn't work. I scream right in her face and even go as far as to slap her, but nothing worked. I'm starting to freak out. I decided to call 911, which I've never had to do before. Her boyfriend gets home right as the EMT's get here (I had called him already to let him know what's going on) and shortly after, Brandon also walked in the door. They can't wake her up either, but they take her vitals and say that she's ok, just literally so drunk that she's not responding to anything. Before they got here, I'd also seen that she'd drank the entire second bottle of egg nog and rum. The empty bottle was in the trash.
Anyway, they take her away, and as of now, she's still sound asleep and laying in the hospital. The emt's were actually giggling after we knew that she was ok, just really drunk, and we couldn't help but giggle too. I know it sounds horrible, but trust me, you had to be there, we're all just trying to wake her up, and she's snoring away so peacefully. She actually even made this really really loud snoring sound when they picked her up to put her on the stretcher.
She doesn't drink a lot, so this was all completely unexpected. Chris, her boyfriend is staying with her overnight, cuz we don't want her to wake up alone in the hospital, especially since they took her pants off, and she doesn't wear underwear lol. Brandon and I decided to go home after we talked to the nurses, they said they basically can't do anything else until she wakes up. It's gonna be one hell of a hangover.
It was scary as shit to walk into the house and find her laying there like that, but I can't wait to tell her about how loudly she was snoring as we were all trying to wake her up. She'll be fine.
Ok I had a client to do at her house tonight, and I left my house around 645. Prior to that and earlier in the day, my roommates Sheri and Brandon were decorating the christmas tree, and I was doing my sister's hair, and Sheri and I were drinking eggnog and rum, the premixed kind from the liquor store. I had one and a half glasses, and that was enough to make me buzz a bit, and enough for me to feel the need to take a cat nap before going to my client. Sheri had finished off the first bottle of the nog and rum, and also gone up to bed to take a nap around 4 or so. Around 6, she comes downstairs, and I'm getting set up to go to my client. She's obviously still drunk, as she'd had a lot more to drink than I had. Brandon had already left to go to work. I leave to go do my client.
I get home around 9:40, and I find Sheri completely passed out and laying flat on her back on our hardwood floor, in the middle of the living room. She's breathing, actually snoring, but as I try to wake her up, I realize she's in a completely deep sleep and not waking up at all, no matter what I do. I call my friend who used to be an EMT, and she tells me to push my knuckles into her chest plate hard enough that she's need to wake up to respond to the pain. That didn't work. I scream right in her face and even go as far as to slap her, but nothing worked. I'm starting to freak out. I decided to call 911, which I've never had to do before. Her boyfriend gets home right as the EMT's get here (I had called him already to let him know what's going on) and shortly after, Brandon also walked in the door. They can't wake her up either, but they take her vitals and say that she's ok, just literally so drunk that she's not responding to anything. Before they got here, I'd also seen that she'd drank the entire second bottle of egg nog and rum. The empty bottle was in the trash.
Anyway, they take her away, and as of now, she's still sound asleep and laying in the hospital. The emt's were actually giggling after we knew that she was ok, just really drunk, and we couldn't help but giggle too. I know it sounds horrible, but trust me, you had to be there, we're all just trying to wake her up, and she's snoring away so peacefully. She actually even made this really really loud snoring sound when they picked her up to put her on the stretcher.
She doesn't drink a lot, so this was all completely unexpected. Chris, her boyfriend is staying with her overnight, cuz we don't want her to wake up alone in the hospital, especially since they took her pants off, and she doesn't wear underwear lol. Brandon and I decided to go home after we talked to the nurses, they said they basically can't do anything else until she wakes up. It's gonna be one hell of a hangover.
It was scary as shit to walk into the house and find her laying there like that, but I can't wait to tell her about how loudly she was snoring as we were all trying to wake her up. She'll be fine.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
WELL HELLO!!!
My goodness, it's been a long time since I've written on here, but I figure now is a great time to make an update.
Life is GREAT for me right now.
I've made some really tough decisions in the past couple months, and all of them have turned out to be the right choice. I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to get up in the morning these days.
Decision number one-I kicked that girl i was seeing to the curb. She was just too crazy for me. Too hot and cold. Too... oh who cares, she's gone and I feel sane again lol. I know I always try to see the good in people, and I really do let too much fly based on that good, I need to learn to actually acknowledge the reasons why I'm not compatible with someone else.
Decision number two-I decided to move. It was actually a little spur of the moment, but I had had it with my old roommate, and his dogs. Long list short, I was finding my shoes chewed up, finding piles of poop in my room, in the bathroom, in the kitchen, and he stopped coming home, started staying with a new girl he was dating who was allergic to his dogs, so they became my responsibility. I finally told him, ok I'm looking for another place to live. He told me to do what I had to do. So I started looking that day, emailed like 15 people on craigslist, and ended up moving in with the first person I met. Best decision I could have made, I love it here in the new house. It's a big 2 story CLEAN house, with a big backyard. I've turned the garage that she wasn't using into my art studio where I do all of my painting. I've never actually had a studio, it's always just been painting in my living room on my coffee table. It's so awesome! I love my new roommate, Sheri. She's a little crazy and loud, but in a good way. We get along great. She's 42 and is so full of energy, I usually can't keep up with her. We've become very close, she actually said the nicest thing to me the other day, "my life has gotten so much better lately, and a big part of that is because of you." How sweet! We also have another new roommate that just moved in a week ago, he took the third bedroom. Sheri's boyfriend also is in the process of moving in. He's really quiet and calm, the total opposite of Sheri haha. We also have 4 cats (including my one kitten) and one dog. All together, we make a happy family. I feel really settled and comfortable here. And another good thing is that my old roommate and I are still friends, and are getting along great, we apparently just can't live together lol.
Decision number three-After working in a beautiful high end salon with people that I love for 3 years, I decided that it was time to leave the salon. I've been struggling with money for some time, not making any money there, and after doing hair for 5 years, I shouldn't be struggling this much. My bosses had known for sometime that I needed to be making more money, and had given me raises, but it was never enough. And with the economy these days, I was losing as many clients as I was gaining, and eventually even losing more than I was gaining in the past couple months. Most people just can't afford to pay high end prices to get their hair done, and I didn't feel comfortable charging my clients prices that I know I would never pay myself. I came up with a plan to start my own business, doing hair on the road! haha, I mean going to people's homes to do their hair. I got ultra organized, made flyers to hand out, let some of my clients know about the change, and made business cards. Btw, if you need to make your own business cards, go to vistaprints.com to make them. I got an insane amount of cards and spent next to nothing. Anyway, after getting a good amount of appointments set up so I'd know I had money to fall back on after quiting the salon, it was time to tell the bosses that I was leaving. I pretty much didn't sleep for the few days leading up to the date I had picked to tell them, I was so nervous. These people have been my second family for 3 years. We've spent holidays together, I've cried to them about bad relationships, I've babysat their kids while they went on vacations, and gone to their kids' sports games. We're very close. With shaking fingers, I wrote them a very nice resignation letter, and sat them down in the office to give it to them. As soon as I said the words that I had decided to leave the salon, I burst into tears, and so did my boss Angie. It was quite a sight the two of us lol, I ended up sobbing so much that I could barely speak to explain my reasons. Angie just grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug, and ended up having to leave the office because she couldn't watch me cry anymore lol. How dramatic, I know! Sorry, I can be a bit of a crybaby lol. Anyway, the next day, Angie called me into the office (I was working out my two weeks notice). She told me that she loved me, started crying again, and said that she couldn't bare the thought of not seeing me all the time, and asked me if I'd like to work in the salon one day a week, just as a sub contractor. Said that technically I won't be working for them, and they'd just give me 60% commission on any clients that I do. Can you believe that? I couldn't ask for a better deal. I get to be self employed, set my own schedule, and I get to keep them in my life, and keep a foot in the salon that I love. I just really couldn't have played this out better in my head, couldn't have asked for anything better. So I started this schedule this week, I'll be working in the salon only on thursdays, and I only go in if I have clients on the book, and I go to people's houses to do their hair every other day. I already have quite a few of my clients spreading the word for me, and quite a few leads. I'm so excited!!!!
Another plus, I've started talking to this new girl, her name is Stephanie. It's still very new, but it's already scary how much we have in common. I always seem to get involved with people I have nothing in common with, so this is good so far. We haven't even met yet, she actually lives about 3 hours away, but she seems like a total sweetheart, and she's really cute too, she's just my type. She thinks the same of me, and told me that when she thinks about what kinda girl she wants for the long term, I seem to be fitting the mold exactly so far. I think we're both careful not to get ahead of ourselves too, which is nice, I like moving at a nice even pace, not racing to the alter, and not moving so slow that I don't hear from them for days. So, we'll see how this goes, I hope to be meeting her soon and getting to know her better.
On top of everything, I just made an amazing dinner for the 'family' here. It was deeeeeeelicioussssss, and my roommate sheri has now professed her undying love for me lol. Life is good.
Life is GREAT for me right now.
I've made some really tough decisions in the past couple months, and all of them have turned out to be the right choice. I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to get up in the morning these days.
Decision number one-I kicked that girl i was seeing to the curb. She was just too crazy for me. Too hot and cold. Too... oh who cares, she's gone and I feel sane again lol. I know I always try to see the good in people, and I really do let too much fly based on that good, I need to learn to actually acknowledge the reasons why I'm not compatible with someone else.
Decision number two-I decided to move. It was actually a little spur of the moment, but I had had it with my old roommate, and his dogs. Long list short, I was finding my shoes chewed up, finding piles of poop in my room, in the bathroom, in the kitchen, and he stopped coming home, started staying with a new girl he was dating who was allergic to his dogs, so they became my responsibility. I finally told him, ok I'm looking for another place to live. He told me to do what I had to do. So I started looking that day, emailed like 15 people on craigslist, and ended up moving in with the first person I met. Best decision I could have made, I love it here in the new house. It's a big 2 story CLEAN house, with a big backyard. I've turned the garage that she wasn't using into my art studio where I do all of my painting. I've never actually had a studio, it's always just been painting in my living room on my coffee table. It's so awesome! I love my new roommate, Sheri. She's a little crazy and loud, but in a good way. We get along great. She's 42 and is so full of energy, I usually can't keep up with her. We've become very close, she actually said the nicest thing to me the other day, "my life has gotten so much better lately, and a big part of that is because of you." How sweet! We also have another new roommate that just moved in a week ago, he took the third bedroom. Sheri's boyfriend also is in the process of moving in. He's really quiet and calm, the total opposite of Sheri haha. We also have 4 cats (including my one kitten) and one dog. All together, we make a happy family. I feel really settled and comfortable here. And another good thing is that my old roommate and I are still friends, and are getting along great, we apparently just can't live together lol.
Decision number three-After working in a beautiful high end salon with people that I love for 3 years, I decided that it was time to leave the salon. I've been struggling with money for some time, not making any money there, and after doing hair for 5 years, I shouldn't be struggling this much. My bosses had known for sometime that I needed to be making more money, and had given me raises, but it was never enough. And with the economy these days, I was losing as many clients as I was gaining, and eventually even losing more than I was gaining in the past couple months. Most people just can't afford to pay high end prices to get their hair done, and I didn't feel comfortable charging my clients prices that I know I would never pay myself. I came up with a plan to start my own business, doing hair on the road! haha, I mean going to people's homes to do their hair. I got ultra organized, made flyers to hand out, let some of my clients know about the change, and made business cards. Btw, if you need to make your own business cards, go to vistaprints.com to make them. I got an insane amount of cards and spent next to nothing. Anyway, after getting a good amount of appointments set up so I'd know I had money to fall back on after quiting the salon, it was time to tell the bosses that I was leaving. I pretty much didn't sleep for the few days leading up to the date I had picked to tell them, I was so nervous. These people have been my second family for 3 years. We've spent holidays together, I've cried to them about bad relationships, I've babysat their kids while they went on vacations, and gone to their kids' sports games. We're very close. With shaking fingers, I wrote them a very nice resignation letter, and sat them down in the office to give it to them. As soon as I said the words that I had decided to leave the salon, I burst into tears, and so did my boss Angie. It was quite a sight the two of us lol, I ended up sobbing so much that I could barely speak to explain my reasons. Angie just grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug, and ended up having to leave the office because she couldn't watch me cry anymore lol. How dramatic, I know! Sorry, I can be a bit of a crybaby lol. Anyway, the next day, Angie called me into the office (I was working out my two weeks notice). She told me that she loved me, started crying again, and said that she couldn't bare the thought of not seeing me all the time, and asked me if I'd like to work in the salon one day a week, just as a sub contractor. Said that technically I won't be working for them, and they'd just give me 60% commission on any clients that I do. Can you believe that? I couldn't ask for a better deal. I get to be self employed, set my own schedule, and I get to keep them in my life, and keep a foot in the salon that I love. I just really couldn't have played this out better in my head, couldn't have asked for anything better. So I started this schedule this week, I'll be working in the salon only on thursdays, and I only go in if I have clients on the book, and I go to people's houses to do their hair every other day. I already have quite a few of my clients spreading the word for me, and quite a few leads. I'm so excited!!!!
Another plus, I've started talking to this new girl, her name is Stephanie. It's still very new, but it's already scary how much we have in common. I always seem to get involved with people I have nothing in common with, so this is good so far. We haven't even met yet, she actually lives about 3 hours away, but she seems like a total sweetheart, and she's really cute too, she's just my type. She thinks the same of me, and told me that when she thinks about what kinda girl she wants for the long term, I seem to be fitting the mold exactly so far. I think we're both careful not to get ahead of ourselves too, which is nice, I like moving at a nice even pace, not racing to the alter, and not moving so slow that I don't hear from them for days. So, we'll see how this goes, I hope to be meeting her soon and getting to know her better.
On top of everything, I just made an amazing dinner for the 'family' here. It was deeeeeeelicioussssss, and my roommate sheri has now professed her undying love for me lol. Life is good.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Attack Spider, and She Got Me Good.
Past couple days have been tough on my heart. As in it's ability to beat at a normal pace. As in racing. As in hard to breathe.
First, yesterday morning, I was at work with only one other coworker, the boss man's son. It was a quiet morning, as most tuesday mornings are, and I was lounging in the chair that I usually use for my clients, reading my book. All of a sudden, out of the corner of my left eye, I see this GIGANTIC SPIDER running towards me, coming from the front door. And I mean huge. and I mean running. towards. me. I threw my legs up and jumped up into the chair and screamed so loud that the ladies from the aerobics place next door came running. I have never seen a spider that big in person, just crawling around and not in a cage at a pet store or something. It was literally the size of the palm of my hand. Anyway, it ended up running under my chair and past me on over to the next chair. I was still screaming, and my coworker thinks it's hilarious. He catches it in a jar, and then proceeds to chase me around the salon with this damn jar filled with my worst nightmare. I literally couldn't breathe with ease for at least an hour. He ended up flushing it down the toilet.
And then tonight. A, the girl I'm seeing, definitely likes to ruffle my feathers. Am I really that funny when I'm freaking out? I don't think so, but then again, it's me that's freaking out. ha... so. She calls me and tells me that she needs to talk to me about something. Said that her friend has just found out that she's pregnant. That her friend already has two kids and is struggling, and is wanting A to adopt her unborn baby. Yes, I know it's a pretty far fetched story, especially when I type it out, but she painted a pretty convincing picture. I freaked out lol. I didn't even know what to say, as we're still getting to know each other.. but I mean that's a pretty big deal if you're just starting to date someone, to know that they might be parenting a new baby in 9 months lol. Ok this all just sounds silly typing it out, but believe me, she had me going for a minute or two. I was pacing my room, and my voice got high pitched and flustered and finally she busted out laughing and said it was all a joke. She's gonna get it.
First, yesterday morning, I was at work with only one other coworker, the boss man's son. It was a quiet morning, as most tuesday mornings are, and I was lounging in the chair that I usually use for my clients, reading my book. All of a sudden, out of the corner of my left eye, I see this GIGANTIC SPIDER running towards me, coming from the front door. And I mean huge. and I mean running. towards. me. I threw my legs up and jumped up into the chair and screamed so loud that the ladies from the aerobics place next door came running. I have never seen a spider that big in person, just crawling around and not in a cage at a pet store or something. It was literally the size of the palm of my hand. Anyway, it ended up running under my chair and past me on over to the next chair. I was still screaming, and my coworker thinks it's hilarious. He catches it in a jar, and then proceeds to chase me around the salon with this damn jar filled with my worst nightmare. I literally couldn't breathe with ease for at least an hour. He ended up flushing it down the toilet.
And then tonight. A, the girl I'm seeing, definitely likes to ruffle my feathers. Am I really that funny when I'm freaking out? I don't think so, but then again, it's me that's freaking out. ha... so. She calls me and tells me that she needs to talk to me about something. Said that her friend has just found out that she's pregnant. That her friend already has two kids and is struggling, and is wanting A to adopt her unborn baby. Yes, I know it's a pretty far fetched story, especially when I type it out, but she painted a pretty convincing picture. I freaked out lol. I didn't even know what to say, as we're still getting to know each other.. but I mean that's a pretty big deal if you're just starting to date someone, to know that they might be parenting a new baby in 9 months lol. Ok this all just sounds silly typing it out, but believe me, she had me going for a minute or two. I was pacing my room, and my voice got high pitched and flustered and finally she busted out laughing and said it was all a joke. She's gonna get it.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
still a fav
ok this ad can always make me crack up laughing. have a looksie. Make sure your sound is on, it's the best part of it.
weight loss
Oh, what a nice little journey I'm beginning.
I think my weight might be a big part of the reason I'm feeling depressed lately. I'm just not happy with myself. I've been wanting to go vegetarian for a long time, and I now have been for one week. I still eat fish and seafood, but I'm glad I've finally cut out all the red meat and poultry.
My goal is to drop about 70 lbs. I'd actually be happy just losing about 60, maybe 55, but acording to all the charts and BMI stuff I'm supposed to lose about 70 for my height. I was reading over Tommy's new weight loss blog and all I was thinking is that's something I need to be doing for myself, really setting up a plan. Cutting out meat is a big step, but it's not enough. I'm thinking about joining weight watchers. I think I'd have more luck with it if I'm forced to actually go to meetings and weigh in. It'd make it more of a focus for me.
Goal for tomorrow: call weight watchers and find out how much it costs and what it all entails and stuffy stuff.
I also made one of these things that I also found on Tommy's blog, it's pretty sweet. wait I lost the link for it, I'll post it later. dangit.
I think my weight might be a big part of the reason I'm feeling depressed lately. I'm just not happy with myself. I've been wanting to go vegetarian for a long time, and I now have been for one week. I still eat fish and seafood, but I'm glad I've finally cut out all the red meat and poultry.
My goal is to drop about 70 lbs. I'd actually be happy just losing about 60, maybe 55, but acording to all the charts and BMI stuff I'm supposed to lose about 70 for my height. I was reading over Tommy's new weight loss blog and all I was thinking is that's something I need to be doing for myself, really setting up a plan. Cutting out meat is a big step, but it's not enough. I'm thinking about joining weight watchers. I think I'd have more luck with it if I'm forced to actually go to meetings and weigh in. It'd make it more of a focus for me.
Goal for tomorrow: call weight watchers and find out how much it costs and what it all entails and stuffy stuff.
I also made one of these things that I also found on Tommy's blog, it's pretty sweet. wait I lost the link for it, I'll post it later. dangit.
Monday, October 5, 2009
icing on the cake.
Well you wouldn't believe what I woke up to this morning. Ash, the girl I just kicked to the curb, texted me 'I miss you.' and she texted it 4 times, until i responded. I said 'it'll pass' and she asked 'why are you being like that?'
I was a little in shock over the situation. I didn't even know how I should respond, coldly or nicely. I wanted to just shake her and say WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE CRAZY!!! But I couldn't do that. But I mean, just three days ago she left in the middle of the night so fast that it made my head spin, and the day after that she was trying to put me down by saying 'i bet you're not even a lesbian' and to lose her number, and now she's saying she misses me. I feel bad for the girl. She obviously has a lot of issues that I don't even know how to begin to try to break down, but I know I can't be the person that helps her. She doens't miss me, she misses the idea of having someone, which is something that I miss too, but luckily I know the difference at this point.
I told her she's got to be kidding me, and she said that she just wanted me to know she was sorry. I told her it was fine but that I'm done. She texted me an hour later saying 'talk to me'. I then had to put my foot down and tell her she needed to stop, that I was done. I seriously hate hurting people, especially when I know a little about her past and what she's been through (not a whole lot of good) but I just can't be the person who fixes everyone else. I've tried that, and learned the hard way that it doesn't work.
Today is my little sister's 22nd birthday, and we're all going out to dinner tonight. I've been stuck in the house for 3 days being sick, and I'm really looking foward to getting out. I think I really need it at this point, I'm feeling kinda depressed, and even when I feel just a little bit more on the sour side than the sweet side, it takes a big tole on me. We're going to a hibatchi place, I guess it's become a tradition for her birthday for the past few years. My dad and evil stepmother are going, which means they're footing the bill, which I have NOOOOOO problem with lol. Hellooo pitchers of sake with plum wine!! Should be fun, our cousin is coming and some of sissy's friends.
I was a little in shock over the situation. I didn't even know how I should respond, coldly or nicely. I wanted to just shake her and say WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE CRAZY!!! But I couldn't do that. But I mean, just three days ago she left in the middle of the night so fast that it made my head spin, and the day after that she was trying to put me down by saying 'i bet you're not even a lesbian' and to lose her number, and now she's saying she misses me. I feel bad for the girl. She obviously has a lot of issues that I don't even know how to begin to try to break down, but I know I can't be the person that helps her. She doens't miss me, she misses the idea of having someone, which is something that I miss too, but luckily I know the difference at this point.
I told her she's got to be kidding me, and she said that she just wanted me to know she was sorry. I told her it was fine but that I'm done. She texted me an hour later saying 'talk to me'. I then had to put my foot down and tell her she needed to stop, that I was done. I seriously hate hurting people, especially when I know a little about her past and what she's been through (not a whole lot of good) but I just can't be the person who fixes everyone else. I've tried that, and learned the hard way that it doesn't work.
Today is my little sister's 22nd birthday, and we're all going out to dinner tonight. I've been stuck in the house for 3 days being sick, and I'm really looking foward to getting out. I think I really need it at this point, I'm feeling kinda depressed, and even when I feel just a little bit more on the sour side than the sweet side, it takes a big tole on me. We're going to a hibatchi place, I guess it's become a tradition for her birthday for the past few years. My dad and evil stepmother are going, which means they're footing the bill, which I have NOOOOOO problem with lol. Hellooo pitchers of sake with plum wine!! Should be fun, our cousin is coming and some of sissy's friends.
Baby Kitty
I got a kitten a couple weeks ago, and for some reason my phone wouldn't let me send pictures to my email, but I figured it all out so now I can post pics of her! She's now about 10 weeks old, and her name is Adalie (rhymes with Natalie).
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She's super playful and vocal. She follows me everywhere when we're at home, and I even take her with me to my best friend's house, and she plays with her two daschunds. They actually wrestle and it's so cute. My roommate has two daschunds also, but the ones here are a lot more rough so she doesn't like them as much. She definitely has an attitude about her though, which makes me laugh. If I get to far away from her in the apartment and she doesn't know where I am, she starts screaming until I peak my head around the corner, then she romps over to me and starts purring LOUDLY. She is always determined to get her way, and if she doesn't want me to hold her, she yells at me and wriggles free. Other times she can't be close enough to me. She sleeps a lot on my pillow right next to my head. I love her!! So cute.
She's super playful and vocal. She follows me everywhere when we're at home, and I even take her with me to my best friend's house, and she plays with her two daschunds. They actually wrestle and it's so cute. My roommate has two daschunds also, but the ones here are a lot more rough so she doesn't like them as much. She definitely has an attitude about her though, which makes me laugh. If I get to far away from her in the apartment and she doesn't know where I am, she starts screaming until I peak my head around the corner, then she romps over to me and starts purring LOUDLY. She is always determined to get her way, and if she doesn't want me to hold her, she yells at me and wriggles free. Other times she can't be close enough to me. She sleeps a lot on my pillow right next to my head. I love her!! So cute.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
lost... hmmm.
I feel like I'm in a hole lately. I feel lost and I don't really know how to find my way back to myself. This so isn't like me, I'm usually a happy bubbly person, but there are just so many things that aren't going my way right now and I feel like I'm sinking. And then when I actually see myself write these words, it makes me feel selfish for all the other people that are going through things far worse than I am. I feel low just because I'm complaining. Lol... what a pickle!
I did something stupid last night. I've been single since April, actually since one day before my birthday. Yeah, the ex left me on the day before my birthday, to go back to her ex because I wasn't ready to pop out a baby after a very rough year of on and off dating with her. This scenario still hurts me. I don't miss her, I know we just weren't right for each other, and I actually wish her happiness, but the scenario still hurts me. I just don't feel like I deserved it. I'm not going to sit here and say that I dwell on this on a daily basis, because I certainly don't, but why is it that when you're feeling low you end up thinking about all the bad stuff that just makes it worse?
So anyway. About a month ago, a couple of her friends added me on facebook. This completely surprised me. They had always liked me, I had even hung out with them a couple times after the break up, and they all said they took my side and knew I deserved better, and told me I was better off without her because they've seen first hand how badly she's destroyed people at will. They also informed me of all of the 'secrets' that they were told to keep quiet about around me. Everything about us was just a big lie. And some of it I knew, but i still always hoped for the best because we seemed to want all of the same things and our families liked each other, and from the outside it just really seemed to work. Well, it didn't. But anyway... those friends added me on facebook and said HEYYYY long time no see, you know, all the typical catch up stuff, and it rattled me. I never had a problem with them at all, but I didn't like having any kind of ties to her. She had always been very nosey about her ex's lives, and I didn't want her to be able to keep tabs on me. She actually has a blog as well, and I won't even let myself read it because I don't want to hear it all. I was the one that got her into blogging, and I'm the only person that knows about her blog. She only writes in it to make me jealous or upset, or at least that's what she was doing shortly after the break up, I have no idea what she writes in it now, or if she even still does. But yeah, I started this blog after the breakup and completely deleted my one before it, just so that she wouldn't be able to keep an eye on me.
Back to my something stupid, those friends of hers and I are friends on facebook now. I went to one of their pages, and looked at her pictures. Well wouldn't you know it, there's a bunch of pictures of my ex on there, with her current girlfriend, being all lovey dovey. There's even a picture of both of their left hands, now adorned with engagement rings, fingers intertwined. Ok, that's fine. After all, I don't miss her, I know she's wrong for me in every way possible. But why is it so easy for her to find someone? She was horrible to me, and horrible to her exes before me. She's hurt so many people so badly, and on purpose. It just hurts me that she's so happy out there (whatever her version of happy is) and I'm still here just trying to find my happiness.
So after I looked at all those pics last night, I actually had a dream about her. Sometimes you wake up from dreams and they are clearly dreams and most of the time you forget about them in minutes, but my dream from last night is just really sitting in my head, and took me a while to snap out of it when i woke up this morning. It seemed so real. In my dream she had called me and wanted me to do her hair, which was pretty much the same way we had started dating again a few times. She'd be back with the ex (who is now the current) but call me to ask me to do her hair, and I'd agree of course, just wanting to see her, still in the mind set of thinking we might work. She'd come see me, I'd do her hair, and it'd be done with. We were always very attracted to each other, both got weak in the knees just being in each other's presence, and right away she'd be coming up with a plan on how to leave her girl. No, we never cheated, as bad as this scenario all sounds. But anyway, that was it. That was my dream, that she wanted to see me again, and I just lit up inside thinking about it, in my dream. We saw each other, details are kinda blurry now, but I just woke up thinking that she was in my life again, back in the happy way, not in the destructive way that it always ended up being. Lord I'm rambling I know.
My friends keep telling me that it's comin for me. That karma is just right around the corner and I deserve something really great. I'm just holding on to their every word, and trying to keep a smile on my face til I can feel it.
I did something stupid last night. I've been single since April, actually since one day before my birthday. Yeah, the ex left me on the day before my birthday, to go back to her ex because I wasn't ready to pop out a baby after a very rough year of on and off dating with her. This scenario still hurts me. I don't miss her, I know we just weren't right for each other, and I actually wish her happiness, but the scenario still hurts me. I just don't feel like I deserved it. I'm not going to sit here and say that I dwell on this on a daily basis, because I certainly don't, but why is it that when you're feeling low you end up thinking about all the bad stuff that just makes it worse?
So anyway. About a month ago, a couple of her friends added me on facebook. This completely surprised me. They had always liked me, I had even hung out with them a couple times after the break up, and they all said they took my side and knew I deserved better, and told me I was better off without her because they've seen first hand how badly she's destroyed people at will. They also informed me of all of the 'secrets' that they were told to keep quiet about around me. Everything about us was just a big lie. And some of it I knew, but i still always hoped for the best because we seemed to want all of the same things and our families liked each other, and from the outside it just really seemed to work. Well, it didn't. But anyway... those friends added me on facebook and said HEYYYY long time no see, you know, all the typical catch up stuff, and it rattled me. I never had a problem with them at all, but I didn't like having any kind of ties to her. She had always been very nosey about her ex's lives, and I didn't want her to be able to keep tabs on me. She actually has a blog as well, and I won't even let myself read it because I don't want to hear it all. I was the one that got her into blogging, and I'm the only person that knows about her blog. She only writes in it to make me jealous or upset, or at least that's what she was doing shortly after the break up, I have no idea what she writes in it now, or if she even still does. But yeah, I started this blog after the breakup and completely deleted my one before it, just so that she wouldn't be able to keep an eye on me.
Back to my something stupid, those friends of hers and I are friends on facebook now. I went to one of their pages, and looked at her pictures. Well wouldn't you know it, there's a bunch of pictures of my ex on there, with her current girlfriend, being all lovey dovey. There's even a picture of both of their left hands, now adorned with engagement rings, fingers intertwined. Ok, that's fine. After all, I don't miss her, I know she's wrong for me in every way possible. But why is it so easy for her to find someone? She was horrible to me, and horrible to her exes before me. She's hurt so many people so badly, and on purpose. It just hurts me that she's so happy out there (whatever her version of happy is) and I'm still here just trying to find my happiness.
So after I looked at all those pics last night, I actually had a dream about her. Sometimes you wake up from dreams and they are clearly dreams and most of the time you forget about them in minutes, but my dream from last night is just really sitting in my head, and took me a while to snap out of it when i woke up this morning. It seemed so real. In my dream she had called me and wanted me to do her hair, which was pretty much the same way we had started dating again a few times. She'd be back with the ex (who is now the current) but call me to ask me to do her hair, and I'd agree of course, just wanting to see her, still in the mind set of thinking we might work. She'd come see me, I'd do her hair, and it'd be done with. We were always very attracted to each other, both got weak in the knees just being in each other's presence, and right away she'd be coming up with a plan on how to leave her girl. No, we never cheated, as bad as this scenario all sounds. But anyway, that was it. That was my dream, that she wanted to see me again, and I just lit up inside thinking about it, in my dream. We saw each other, details are kinda blurry now, but I just woke up thinking that she was in my life again, back in the happy way, not in the destructive way that it always ended up being. Lord I'm rambling I know.
My friends keep telling me that it's comin for me. That karma is just right around the corner and I deserve something really great. I'm just holding on to their every word, and trying to keep a smile on my face til I can feel it.
ooooooooh me...
Well that was fun. I've just closed up shop on another crazy girl. I swear I can only attract girls with severe issues, and I have no idea why. I'm a relatively normal girl, just looking for a nice girl to build something lasting with, and yet I somehow always get stuck with people who are so completely wrong for me, or people who have the worst issues I could even imagine. Why me, I ask?
So this one's name was Ash. Actually, let me start with a little about me. For those of you who don't know me personally, if I had to put some kind of label on myself, I'm fall more into the femme category. I do my makeup, do my hair, love wearing big flowy dresses, and love feeling like a woman in all my glory. That being said, for the most part in my past, I have been attracted to other femme girls. Not exclusively, I'm not one to limit myself to any one stereotype at all, but that's just kinda how it's always happened, with dating anyway. Actually, my major ex was actually a little tomboyish when we started dating, but per her requests, I ended up making her over with a new, more stylish hairdo, taught her how to do her makeup, and she actually started wearing girl clothes more and more. I didn't ask her to do this, I think it was just in her all along, and for some reason I brought it out in her. Her personality was still definitely the more 'studdish' one, but you'd never know it by looking at her after we'd been together for a bit. But this is a whole 'nother story. Back to Ash.
Ash is in denial. She's a butch. No question about it. She wears boy clothes (baggy boy clothes), wears cologne, has a shaved head, all that jazz, but she thinks that because she wears mascara and eyeliner, that no one should ever question if she's butch or not, and despises the term butch. Ok, whatever. That's her thing. Moving on, we'd started talking about 2, maybe 3 weeks ago. She always seemed like she was out to impress me, but in an overbearing way. She talked about her clothing a lot, about how she'd only shop at PacSun, about how she had a ton of different shoes, with different colors to match every outfit, and how she'd throw a pair of shoes away if they got one scuff mark on them. Me, I'm the opposite. I never iron my clothes. I keep wearing my clothes until they fall apart. I never plan out outfits, don't worry about if my shoes really truly match my clothes, with the exception of black versus brown. I had to literally tell her that I didn't care to hear about it, I mean, not in a mean way at all, but I ended up just smiling and knodding a lot, and sometimes would even giggle because of how ridiculous I found it all to be. Not that I find matching ridiculous, but when you have to explain every single outfit you're wearing to me in great detail, it's gonna get old. Plus I could care less where you get your clothes, and as for me, I would rather wear something without a label, I'm certainly not getting paid to wear a company's clothes. It's free advertising, and I'm not a corporate kinda gal. Sorry, I keep getting off track.
Next, she had hung out with my friends and me a few times. My friends and I are all really close, and they've become somewhat protective over me after seeing some of the whack jobs I've brought home lol. So naturally, and this is more talking about my best friend Jamie than anyone else, but she likes to 'grill' the fresh meat. I let her have her space when she's doing this, cuz I know there's no way around it, and to be honest I wanna kinda see how they react to it. You can tell a lot about someone in regards to how they act around your friends. Well, she pretty much failed the test. She ended up getting pissy, got confrontational with my friends, and came to me later saying 'I think your friend is trying to hit on me and this is bullshit." Um... ok. wow. My friend is straight, lives with her boyfriend (who was there all night as well), and it was just ridiculous. But me being the nice person who always wants to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, sugar coated it and told myself that she was just stressed about meeting everyone and feeling like she was on the chopping block. Why can't I just ever trust my gut instincts in the beginning? They haven't failed me yet in the end.
And then! ok so she had this neighbor that she used to hang out with a lot. I never met the guy but she had talked about how she would go and smoke ciggs on the front porch with him pretty much every night. She later told me that she didn't like to hang out with him too much anymore after finding out that he smokes crack. Great! I was on the phone with her one time while she was outside smoking with him, and I heard him ask if I had any single friends. She just laughed it off and said no. Just yesterday, she was getting ready to come visit me and we were talking on the phone about what we wanted to do when she got out here. She then told me that she wanted to introduce her crack smoking neighbor to my friend C, who happened to be the only single girl friend of mine that she'd met. She said, "I think he'll like her a lot." Wait, Im sorry, did you just suggest that you hook up my friend, who happens to be in the military, a single mother of two small children, got her shit together no bullshit kinda girl, to your crack smoking neighbor who just asked you for money not two days ago? Guess what ladies and gents, when I said absolutely not, she started in on me for being 'judgemental.' Yeah, I'm not kidding. Are you fucking serious?????
She told me she'd talk to me later, and I said don't bother, there'd be nothing to talk about. Ten minutes later, she's sorry, she's calmed down and thought about it and realizes how right I am. Yeah, I know, big red flags already I KNOW. but, she ends up coming over last night anyway. I've been sick with the flu for 3 days, so she wanted to come see me. Ok, she gets here, and not even 10 minutes later, she asks me to rub her back. I'm a nice girl, very attentive to my partner (not that she was my partner yet, but I'm just saying) and always looking to please others, so I did it. For a good 30 minutes I gave her an amazing back rub, but wait a minute, aren't I the sick one here? Aren't I the one that should be pampered? Yeah, you'd think.
We later layed down to go to bed, she had fallen asleep on the couch so I woke her up to go to bed with me. She apparently doesn't like to be woken up, and got pissed off at me and said 'why didn't you just leave me on the couch? I hate being woken up!' lol... wow. I'm sorry, in my crazy twisted mind I thought she would have wanted me to, to go to bed with me. We get in bed, she turns away from me, and then commands me to move closer to her, even though she was the one who moved away. wtf. I said no. She said why not. I said you're being a bitch. Well damn, I've never seen that girl move that fast. She whipped the covers off so fast, jumped outta bed, put her shoes on, and yelled at me that she didn't have time for this shit, she's been through this shit before, and nobody, and she means NOBODY calls her a bitch. She then stood in my doorway with her back to me, as if she were waiting for me to crumple and go after her. I didn't move a muscle. I let her walk out. I even laughed a bit when I heard the door slam. I texted her to not call me again, and that enough was enough. What a psycho.
I'm not even sure if this all accurately displays why she's so crazy. Oh there was another thing I found out last night. She's a felon apparently. Assault charges from her ex's sister. Yeah, she actually got into a physical fight with her ex's little sister.
she texted me today that she bets I'm not even a lesbian. What the hell? Because you're crazy, that puts my sexuality in question? And what a stupid thing to accuse someone of. I mean for real. Who the fuck cares. Again, I don't like to put a label on myself, but as far as she was concerned, I was giving her a fair shot to date me exclusively. It's just so stupid to me that lesbians sometimes get offended over someone not living up to a title. I'm definitely not saying all of them, or us, or whoever, but do you know what I mean? I love people for who they are, not their sexuality. I mean isn't that what we're fighting for? Acceptance no matter what? Lol... sorry, again, getting sidetracked.
I just don't understand why it seems to be so hard to find someone that I'm compatible with. I make friends so easily, why is it so hard to find someone worth dating? I just want someone nice and caring, and possibly someone who doesn't have to pop 4 xanex to get through a day. Too much to ask? I hope not.
So this one's name was Ash. Actually, let me start with a little about me. For those of you who don't know me personally, if I had to put some kind of label on myself, I'm fall more into the femme category. I do my makeup, do my hair, love wearing big flowy dresses, and love feeling like a woman in all my glory. That being said, for the most part in my past, I have been attracted to other femme girls. Not exclusively, I'm not one to limit myself to any one stereotype at all, but that's just kinda how it's always happened, with dating anyway. Actually, my major ex was actually a little tomboyish when we started dating, but per her requests, I ended up making her over with a new, more stylish hairdo, taught her how to do her makeup, and she actually started wearing girl clothes more and more. I didn't ask her to do this, I think it was just in her all along, and for some reason I brought it out in her. Her personality was still definitely the more 'studdish' one, but you'd never know it by looking at her after we'd been together for a bit. But this is a whole 'nother story. Back to Ash.
Ash is in denial. She's a butch. No question about it. She wears boy clothes (baggy boy clothes), wears cologne, has a shaved head, all that jazz, but she thinks that because she wears mascara and eyeliner, that no one should ever question if she's butch or not, and despises the term butch. Ok, whatever. That's her thing. Moving on, we'd started talking about 2, maybe 3 weeks ago. She always seemed like she was out to impress me, but in an overbearing way. She talked about her clothing a lot, about how she'd only shop at PacSun, about how she had a ton of different shoes, with different colors to match every outfit, and how she'd throw a pair of shoes away if they got one scuff mark on them. Me, I'm the opposite. I never iron my clothes. I keep wearing my clothes until they fall apart. I never plan out outfits, don't worry about if my shoes really truly match my clothes, with the exception of black versus brown. I had to literally tell her that I didn't care to hear about it, I mean, not in a mean way at all, but I ended up just smiling and knodding a lot, and sometimes would even giggle because of how ridiculous I found it all to be. Not that I find matching ridiculous, but when you have to explain every single outfit you're wearing to me in great detail, it's gonna get old. Plus I could care less where you get your clothes, and as for me, I would rather wear something without a label, I'm certainly not getting paid to wear a company's clothes. It's free advertising, and I'm not a corporate kinda gal. Sorry, I keep getting off track.
Next, she had hung out with my friends and me a few times. My friends and I are all really close, and they've become somewhat protective over me after seeing some of the whack jobs I've brought home lol. So naturally, and this is more talking about my best friend Jamie than anyone else, but she likes to 'grill' the fresh meat. I let her have her space when she's doing this, cuz I know there's no way around it, and to be honest I wanna kinda see how they react to it. You can tell a lot about someone in regards to how they act around your friends. Well, she pretty much failed the test. She ended up getting pissy, got confrontational with my friends, and came to me later saying 'I think your friend is trying to hit on me and this is bullshit." Um... ok. wow. My friend is straight, lives with her boyfriend (who was there all night as well), and it was just ridiculous. But me being the nice person who always wants to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, sugar coated it and told myself that she was just stressed about meeting everyone and feeling like she was on the chopping block. Why can't I just ever trust my gut instincts in the beginning? They haven't failed me yet in the end.
And then! ok so she had this neighbor that she used to hang out with a lot. I never met the guy but she had talked about how she would go and smoke ciggs on the front porch with him pretty much every night. She later told me that she didn't like to hang out with him too much anymore after finding out that he smokes crack. Great! I was on the phone with her one time while she was outside smoking with him, and I heard him ask if I had any single friends. She just laughed it off and said no. Just yesterday, she was getting ready to come visit me and we were talking on the phone about what we wanted to do when she got out here. She then told me that she wanted to introduce her crack smoking neighbor to my friend C, who happened to be the only single girl friend of mine that she'd met. She said, "I think he'll like her a lot." Wait, Im sorry, did you just suggest that you hook up my friend, who happens to be in the military, a single mother of two small children, got her shit together no bullshit kinda girl, to your crack smoking neighbor who just asked you for money not two days ago? Guess what ladies and gents, when I said absolutely not, she started in on me for being 'judgemental.' Yeah, I'm not kidding. Are you fucking serious?????
She told me she'd talk to me later, and I said don't bother, there'd be nothing to talk about. Ten minutes later, she's sorry, she's calmed down and thought about it and realizes how right I am. Yeah, I know, big red flags already I KNOW. but, she ends up coming over last night anyway. I've been sick with the flu for 3 days, so she wanted to come see me. Ok, she gets here, and not even 10 minutes later, she asks me to rub her back. I'm a nice girl, very attentive to my partner (not that she was my partner yet, but I'm just saying) and always looking to please others, so I did it. For a good 30 minutes I gave her an amazing back rub, but wait a minute, aren't I the sick one here? Aren't I the one that should be pampered? Yeah, you'd think.
We later layed down to go to bed, she had fallen asleep on the couch so I woke her up to go to bed with me. She apparently doesn't like to be woken up, and got pissed off at me and said 'why didn't you just leave me on the couch? I hate being woken up!' lol... wow. I'm sorry, in my crazy twisted mind I thought she would have wanted me to, to go to bed with me. We get in bed, she turns away from me, and then commands me to move closer to her, even though she was the one who moved away. wtf. I said no. She said why not. I said you're being a bitch. Well damn, I've never seen that girl move that fast. She whipped the covers off so fast, jumped outta bed, put her shoes on, and yelled at me that she didn't have time for this shit, she's been through this shit before, and nobody, and she means NOBODY calls her a bitch. She then stood in my doorway with her back to me, as if she were waiting for me to crumple and go after her. I didn't move a muscle. I let her walk out. I even laughed a bit when I heard the door slam. I texted her to not call me again, and that enough was enough. What a psycho.
I'm not even sure if this all accurately displays why she's so crazy. Oh there was another thing I found out last night. She's a felon apparently. Assault charges from her ex's sister. Yeah, she actually got into a physical fight with her ex's little sister.
she texted me today that she bets I'm not even a lesbian. What the hell? Because you're crazy, that puts my sexuality in question? And what a stupid thing to accuse someone of. I mean for real. Who the fuck cares. Again, I don't like to put a label on myself, but as far as she was concerned, I was giving her a fair shot to date me exclusively. It's just so stupid to me that lesbians sometimes get offended over someone not living up to a title. I'm definitely not saying all of them, or us, or whoever, but do you know what I mean? I love people for who they are, not their sexuality. I mean isn't that what we're fighting for? Acceptance no matter what? Lol... sorry, again, getting sidetracked.
I just don't understand why it seems to be so hard to find someone that I'm compatible with. I make friends so easily, why is it so hard to find someone worth dating? I just want someone nice and caring, and possibly someone who doesn't have to pop 4 xanex to get through a day. Too much to ask? I hope not.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Home.
Well I'm home from my 4 days away with the family. I was up in DC visiting my grandfather who's just been diagnosed with alzheimer's, and also visiting my brand new baby nephew Logan. It was an exhausting and stressful trip.
Logan was born a month early, and his tiny little body is having trouble digesting food, he's jaundice (sp?), so he's not gaining any weight, actually he'd lost a pound by the time we saw him (a week after his birth), and a pound is a lot when you only weigh 6 lbs. We got to see him at home, but as of Tuesday he was back in the hospital. They had him in NICU for 3 days, and he's now doing a lot better, having now gained back 6 ounces. His jaundice is going down, and things are looking good for him, but he'll be kept in the hospital for at least another week to make sure he keeps this up. I'll post some pictures up soon, he's so tiny! And besides all the stuff going on, he's perfect. I've already claimed the 'favorite aunt' title hehe.
My Grandpa (Pappy) isn't doing so well though. It's difficult to even recognize him now. He can't hold a conversation, and often times starts talking about things that make no sense. He's really going downhill fast, and it's been really hard on my Nana. They live in a home, but she is still having to do a lot for him. He's actually staying in the psych ward now, in a different building, and she's having to go over there and do his laundry and take care of him on a daily basis. He's always been a very stubborn man, and now he's very confused and at times it makes him very upset and vicious with everyone. He hates where he's having to stay now, and because of the constant confusion, he thinks he's being punished. It was heartbreaking when we first got there, he was fighting with an orderly, and being very forceful and loud with her, and as soon as he saw us, he walked over to my sister and me, hugged us tightly and burst into tears. He just held us there for a good 2 minutes. I have never seen this man cry in my life. This is just so hard, to see someone who's always been so headstrong, just fading away.
We did have some good times with him though. I'll write more later, and put up some pictures. I just got home, gotta work early and all day tomorrow, and im sooooo tired!
Logan was born a month early, and his tiny little body is having trouble digesting food, he's jaundice (sp?), so he's not gaining any weight, actually he'd lost a pound by the time we saw him (a week after his birth), and a pound is a lot when you only weigh 6 lbs. We got to see him at home, but as of Tuesday he was back in the hospital. They had him in NICU for 3 days, and he's now doing a lot better, having now gained back 6 ounces. His jaundice is going down, and things are looking good for him, but he'll be kept in the hospital for at least another week to make sure he keeps this up. I'll post some pictures up soon, he's so tiny! And besides all the stuff going on, he's perfect. I've already claimed the 'favorite aunt' title hehe.
My Grandpa (Pappy) isn't doing so well though. It's difficult to even recognize him now. He can't hold a conversation, and often times starts talking about things that make no sense. He's really going downhill fast, and it's been really hard on my Nana. They live in a home, but she is still having to do a lot for him. He's actually staying in the psych ward now, in a different building, and she's having to go over there and do his laundry and take care of him on a daily basis. He's always been a very stubborn man, and now he's very confused and at times it makes him very upset and vicious with everyone. He hates where he's having to stay now, and because of the constant confusion, he thinks he's being punished. It was heartbreaking when we first got there, he was fighting with an orderly, and being very forceful and loud with her, and as soon as he saw us, he walked over to my sister and me, hugged us tightly and burst into tears. He just held us there for a good 2 minutes. I have never seen this man cry in my life. This is just so hard, to see someone who's always been so headstrong, just fading away.
We did have some good times with him though. I'll write more later, and put up some pictures. I just got home, gotta work early and all day tomorrow, and im sooooo tired!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Finally finished.
I finally finished my '100 Things About Me' post, it's right under this one. I'm going to be going outta town for the week. My grandfather's been diagnosed with alzheimers, and the whole family is going to see him while he can still recognize us. Good news though, my stepbrother and his wife just had a baby, and they're in the same town as my Pappy. So it'll be a busy trip, good and bad. I'll be back friday! Tryin to get stuff down around the house before I leave, even though I'm pretty sure it'll be a disaster when I get home. Oh well... whateryagonnadooooo???
Hope everyone has a good week.
Hope everyone has a good week.
100 Things About Me-2009
I don't even know where to start. This will probably be more interesting for me to write than for you to read, but please, proceed anyway! :-)
1. My name is Kelly Marie.
2. My name was chosen by my mom's first husband, when she was 18. She divorced at 19 and married my father when she was 27. She stuck with my name all those years.
3. My parents divorced when I was 10, after 11 unhappy years of marriage. I always hear other people say they're sad their parents divorced, but I couldn't have been happier as a kid to see them split.
4. I have one little sister, Katie. I despised her when we were younger, she annoyed me to the core. But now I see that she was just always looking up to me and trying to be like me. This isn't the case now, but we get along pretty well these days. I'm so happy for this.
5. I'm a big family person, and daydream at least once a day about what it'll be like when I have one of my own.
6. I'm a big homebody. I like the comfort of being in my own area.
7. I can also be very social, but usually only comfortable in groups where I know the majority of the people.
8. I get bad anxiety when I'm around a lot of people I don't know, especially in party settings. I clam up and get very shy. I have gotten a lot better with talking to people I don't know, but that feeling still comes out every now and then.
9. My favorite color is purple.
10. I have a purple purse, purple wallet, and purple phone (to be reactivated tomorrow).
11. I frequently wear black clothing. Not because I'm goth or anything, but because it makes me look thinner.
12. If I see an article of clothing that I like but I don't like the color, I'll buy it anyway and use RIT dye to change the color. I even dyed my down comforter.
13. I love to paint, and decorate. These go hand in hand a lot of the time, I have painted some of my lamp shades, some lamp stands, a table, and various other things around my house.
14. I have big plans for when I actually have a house of my own. My mailbox will either be painted or covered in mosaic tiles, my front porch steps will be covered in mosaic tiles, and I've been planning out some murals and things I want to paint in the house. Every room will have a touch of me.
15. I've been doing hair for 5 years, and although I love what I do, I'm considering a career change. At the rate I'm making money, it'd be years and years before I'm able to simply live comfortably, much less raise a family. I'm very good at what I do, and I work in a beautiful salon, but I struggle with money between every single paycheck. I'm 25 years old, and I feel like I should be making much more money right now.
16. I could probably make more money doing hair at a different salon, one that's primary clientele is walk ins (versus my salon which is primarily appointment based) but I actually think that I am too much of a hair snob to take a step down. I've had extensive training from very experienced people in this industry, and I really think that it would take a huge punch to my ego to move to a lower end salon.
17. Before I started doing hair, I sold insurance. My entire family sells insurance, but at the age of 18, it definitely wasn't on my top list of choice careers. Now that I'm getting older and having to provide for myself, I'm regretting the day I let my insurance license lapse. It's time to grow up and get a big girl job.
18. By 'big girl job,' I'm not at all putting down the hair industry. I love it. Absolutely love it. I've definitely found a niche for myself. But money is pretty parallel to my survival!
19. Romantically, I'm completely hopeless. I've had 2 bad relationship in the past 5 years, and I long to just find someone to settle down with and come home to.
20. Since I was about 19, I've identified myself as being a lesbian. I have had mindful slip ups a couple of times, wondering if maybe I'm looking for love in the wrong place, but they are always thoughts that are very short lived. I know who I am, and I know I love women, inside and out.
21. When I was younger, I was more free with myself and my love life, but I've gotten much more conservative with myself and my sexual behavior through the years. I don't enjoy emotionless sex anymore, it's just not worth it to me these days. I'd much rather wait until there's something there, something worth celebrating.
22. And having said that! Let me say this. I love sex and everything about it. I think a good sexual appetite is healthy and a part of a normal healthy life, as long as you're not hurting anyone. I'm just more protective of my hoo-hoo these days. Or maybe it's that I'm more protective of my heart.
23. I've been living in the same town that I grew up in, all my life, and as of this year, I no longer talk to one person that I went to high school with. For the most part, I was never a fan of the kids I went to school with. I went to the 'rich' high school, with a lot of snobby and mean kids, and there were a lot of drugs. I never felt that I fit in, and grew up thinking I wasn't good enough because I didn't fit in with these kids. High school was the worst 4 years of my life.
24. To be completely honest, I sometimes still get that old feeling back of thinking I'm not 'cool' or good enough. It all stems from where I grew up. But I then remind myself that I've made completely new friends and lasting friendships based on who I am now. But there's still that feeling sometimes when I meet someone new, that shy feeling of wondering if they'll think I'm worth their time.
25. Despite that feeling, I'm confident in myself in a lot of things, and it apparently shows. A good friend of mine told me this a couple months ago, that she wishes she were as confident as I am. I was completely surprised when she said this.
26. I'm very close with my mom, and if it weren't for her, I'd much more seriously consider moving away from this city.
27. I think about moving away a lot. Financially, it'd be in impossibility right now. But I would like to at some point.
28. I'm not very close with my dad, but the one thing I did get from him is our taste in music. He raised me on classic rock, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
29. The Beatles were the all time favorite, and my sister and I are going to be getting tattoos for it. They're meant to be 'sister' tattoos. Hers will say "All You Need Is Love," and mine will say "Love Is All You Need." These will both probably be on our lower backs. We're trying to talk my dad into paying for them, but it's going to take some more coaxing. He's not totally exited about tattoos haha.
30. I'm only to number 30, and I need a break. I'm gonna do some painting. One of my favorite movies is Across the Universe, and I just turned it on when the 'strawberry fields forever' scene was playing. He's flinging paint all over the room during this song, and it always makes me wanna paint. Will return and finish this later!
31. I totally and completely believe in karma.
32. I was raised Christian, but don't agree with it. To be honest, I never have. I hated going to church when I was young. In my teenage years, I went just for the purpose of making friends, and I even kissed my first boy in church. After high school, I joined the music team at our church, just so that I could sing on stage, not for the purpose of praising God. It was never about that for me. I don't go to church anymore, except on Christmas, just out of respect for my mother, and for the sake of tradition.
33. I don't agree with organized religion. For the most part, the people that I've come into contact with who claim to be devout Christians are the people who end up excusing themselves from punishment for less than respectable behavior.
34. I think that life is about being a good person, no matter what your faith. This is where karma comes into play.
35. I get emotional over silly things, and stay pretty calm during actual big things. For instance, I cry sometimes when people win things on The Price Is Right. I get so excited I guess, just to see other people that happy and excited. No, I'm not kidding, I couldn't make this up if I tried. On the other hand, when my grandma passed away, I was really calm and collected when my uncle told me the news. I was a mess at the funeral, but it took a few days for it to sink in, and for me to shed the tears.
36. Back to the religion issue, I see myself being much more spiritual than religious. To me, it's something very personal. I feel overwhelmed and thankful for my life here when I feel at one with nature, if that makes any sense. All I need is a sunny day on the beach listening to the sound of the waves, or to see a rainbow, or feel the breeze through my hair, and I'm all set. I can just look up at whatever's up there, if there is something up there, and feel nothing but beautiful and lucky and healthy.
37. I'll use this number... because it's sort of my lucky number. My lucky number is actually 137. Yes, i know it's odd, and the story behind it is kinda funny. It was my first school bus number when I was in first through third grade. My bus driver, Ms. Pat, had a full stereo system installed in the bus, and would blast music the whole way home everyday. We all had so much fun on that bus, and the number has just always stuck with me. Whenever I happen to look at the clock and it says 1:37, chances are I'm having a great day.
38. I have a habit of starting books and not finishing them. Right now I've got 3 books open.
39. I absolutely hate doing laundry. I can do any kind of chore around the house with a smile on my face, but just not laundry.
40. I can't walk in high heels. I look ridiculous, and usually end up tripping on something.
41. I'm totally unorganized with money. As a hairstylist, I get cash tips handed to me often, and usually just stuff them in my pocket. While I was just doing the dreaded laundry, I found $40 in the dryer.
42. I absolutely hate any kind of clicking, beeping, or any other kind of annoying noises. Repetitive noises are like nails on a chalkboard to me. It's become an ongoing joke in my salon, and my coworkers will click pens or tap the front desk in an effort to get a rise out of me. I literally flip out and I can't even help it. haha.
43. It has come to my recent attention that when something annoys me, the noises or otherwise, I immediately say 'STOP IT!' in a tone that is about an octive higher than my normal voice. I was never actually aware that I did this on a regular basis, until we were playing a drinking game at the neighbor's house. We were playing drunken jenga (my friend and I wrote funny drinking game things on each piece of the jenga game, and you have to pull one piece out, complete the task, and then stack it on top, like regular jenga) and one of the pegs she pulled said 'impersonate the person to your left'. I was to her left, and she immediately started screaming 'STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!' really loud and high pitched. I looked at her like... huh? and of course everyone started laughing, because it was completely accurate.
44. I love tomatoes, but hate red sauce.
45. I love cooking, but hate going to the grocery store.
46. Actually I hate any type of shopping. If I could do all my shopping online I would be a happy girl.
47. I especially hate going to the mall. I hate the crowds, and all the fluorescent lighting, I get an instant headache anytime I go in there.
48. I can be a procrastinator. Probably why this post is taking me so long to complete, even though I know I want to.
49. I have a guitar, but don't know how to play it.
50. I did ballet for eight years when I was younger. My biggest regret in life is quitting. I was always the youngest girl in all my classes, was very advanced for my age. But when my parents got divorced, we moved to the other side of the city so my mom couldn't drive me to my ballet academy as often as I had been going, so I had to try to find another academy near me. Even at 12 years old, I was too advanced for any school that my mom gave me the option of going to, so I quit. I wish I had just stuck with it until I was old enough to drive myself to the good school. My teachers at the good school had danced in ballet's all over Europe, and were from Italy. Nothing like anything you'd find here.
51. I also used to play the piano when I was younger. But I quit that because my piano teacher was a creepy old lady that lived in our neighborhood. I hated going to her house for lessons. I would like to start playing again though.
52. When I was in middle school, the movie "Titanic" had just come out and was really big. I was in the chorus and of course, we sang the Titanic song. I played the piano for the song while the chorus sang it. I know how to read music, but when I'm playing a song, I play it from memory. I'll only check in with the actual music on front of me if I'm still learning the song, but I never follow it note for note. We performed this 3 times during school hours for the different grades, and then the big performance was at night.
53. During the big performance at night, the auditorium was completely filled with all of our parents and friends that decided to come. My hands were a little shaky, and in the middle of the song, I forgot where I was in the song. I completely froze, and the whole chorus turned around to stare at me along with the whole auditorium of people. I had to flip through pages of music to figure out where I was while the whole room was silent and staring at me. Finally found my place about 30 seconds later (it felt like an hour) and finished the song out. We got a standing ovation hahaha.
54. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's the big holiday in my family for us all to get together. Everyone in my family can cook, and we all pitch in. It's always the absolute best meal of the year.
55. I was a vegetarian for a year. I quit when Thanksgiving came around. Maybe I'm weak, or maybe our turkeys are always just that good.
56. I want to become a vegetarian again. Thanksgiving is only a couple months away. I've cut out red meat, I'll cut out poultry after. :-)
57. If I wasn't a hairstylist, I'd probably never do my hair.
58. I like my hair to be curly and messy and even a little frizzy sometimes. Very anti-hairstylist. I'd never style any of my clients to have hair like mine haha. Everyone wants their hair to be straight and smooth. I think that's boring, on me anyway.
59. I like big jewelry. The dainty stuff was never for me.
60. I'd rather have jewelry that's big and fake, rather than small and 'real'. I'd be happy with cubic zurconia for my engagement ring, as long as it's my style. Or actually... I want a big ole' amethyst lol.
61. I don't like spiders, but I love snakes.
62. I saw the second Lord of the Rings movie before I saw the first.
63. I'd wear flip flops everyday if I could.
64. I'm not a sweets person. I really have to be in the mood for something sweet.
65. My weakness is pasta with any kind of cream sauce. MMMMmmmmm...
66. I very rarely follow trends in clothing. I especially hate those shoes that are 'in' right now. The flat ones with the straps that go up around your ankle. I don't think they're flattering on anyone.
67. I value my alone time. I may have already said something like this, but there's no one in my house today and I'm totally loving it.
68. My maternal grandfather's just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I've never been close with him. I don't get emotional about it until I see my mom get emotional about it, then my heart aches. I hate to see that woman hurting.
69. I'm not a fan of video games. I think people should spend more time outside, or with an actual hobby, like they used to way back when. I hate that my 33 year old roommate and neighbor sit in the house all day and play video games. there are days when they'll only leave the house to get a new video game.
70. As of 9-8-09, I'm an auntie for the first time. My step brother and his wife just had a beautiful baby boy, Logan David. I get to go see him tomorrow.
71. I have a very sarcastic sense of humor. It sometimes takes a while for people to get used to. One of my exes said that for the first month we knew each other, she thought I was just a major bitch, rather than a total softy with a slick sense of humor.
72. I used to want to go to nursing school, but I don't think I could handle it. I can handle blood and all that, but the site of broken bones literally makes me weak and nauseous. I also don't think I could deal with seeing people die right in front of me.
73. I love the smell of haircolor (well the kind we use at our salon anyway). I love how I can smell it all day after I get my hair colored.
74. I'd much rather be freezing than too hot. I absolutely hate sweating, it makes me feel disgusting. Unless I'm working out, that's different. You know what I mean.
75. But! only because there's an exception to every rule, I love going in saunas (as long as there's a cool pool or shower to jump into after). But after all is said and done, my skin always feels so clean after sitting in a sauna, cuz it purges all the impurities from your pores. Love it.
76. I hate it when my skin doesn't feel super smooth on my face. I scrub my skin with one of those shower gloves everyday to get the dead skin off. Even if I miss one day of doing this, my skin feels gross to me.
77. I was always the only person I knew that hated sweet tea, so I always just thought that I hated tea. For the first time, I tried unsweetened tea about a 6 months ago, and now it's my favorite drink. Turns out I just hated how sweet it was haha.
78. I hate ketchup by itself, but I love ketchup and mayo mixed together. This is the best dipping sauce for anything that you'd normally just dip in ketchup.
79. I'm a very touchy feely and affectionate person. I love touching and giving hugs to everyone and cuddling with those I'm close with. I even hug a lot of my clients. My boss is the same way. He always says he has to get in 10 hugs a day.
80. I read the book "The 5 Love Languages" and realized that 'physical touch' and 'quality time' are the two biggest ways that I feel loved and give love to others.
81. I'm a taurus, and my sign is pretty much dead on accurate with who I am.
82. Whenever I start dating someone, I find out what their sign is, and go to Astrologyzone.com to see if we're compatible. So far, that site has also been dead on accurate. My last three exes were geminis (who I'm supposed to not be compatible with) and that site pretty much told me all the reasons why we wouldn't work out as a couple. It was exactly those reasons why we didn't work. I haven't always believed in astrology, I mean it's silly if you think about it, but yeah, I'm listenin now.
83. I have a strong need to feel self sufficient, but also a need to feel taken care of when I'm in a relationship.
84. My year! I was born in 1984.
85. My favorite man in the whole world is Bailey, my old man cat. I've had him since I was 10.
86. I'm definitely a cat person. I like dogs too, but would prefer to always have cats around. I just love their attitudes and quirkiness, and they also smell 10 times better. I love the smell of cat breath. If I end up not marrying (highly doubt this, but still) I'll probably be one of those crazy cat ladies with like 12 cats. lol.
87. The sound of a cat purring always calms me down, especially if i'm cuddling with the kitty and I can actually feel the purr. One of my simple joys in life.
88. I'm not into sports or athletics, but I love going to football and baseball games. I just love the atmosphere and being with that many people cheering something on. So much fun. But I'll never be able to actually follow a game haha.
89. When I started hair school, my hair was halfway down my back. When I got out of hairschool, it was up near my chin. If you want to keep your long hair, don't go to hair school. This scenario happened to EVERY SINGLE girl in there. Not one girl got out with long hair.
90. When it comes to politics, I'm very liberal when it comes to social issues. Extremely liberal with social issues. But I also truly believe that everyone should have to work for what they have or want. I'm 25, broke as shit, and seriously struggling with money, but you'll never see me take a 'hand out' from the government. It's way too abused in this country.
91. I definitely believe in abortion, and think that it's the right thing to do in some cases. I had one when I was 18, and it was the best decision I ever made. It definitely was difficult to deal with, but I wouldn't change that decision.
92. I know I want kids, but this world we live in scares me to have to raise kids in. I know I'll be a strict parent, and now that I'm older, I understand why my mom was strict as well.
93. I love to knit, but all i know how to do are scarves lol. yep, just the one straight line.
94. I'm obsessed with sudoku.
95. My big dream in life is to own my own coffee shop. I have the whole place planned out in my head, how it will look and such. I know i'll also want acoustic live music played in there often, and to have one big wall where local artists can display their work. Just a couple ideas I have for it.
96. I really like to spread out when I sleep. If I sleep in the same bed with you, we must be pretty close. This isn't because I'm stingy about who I sleep next to, it's because there's a good chance you'll have one of my arms or legs on top of you by morning.
97. I like my room to be really cool when I sleep. That way I can cuddle up in my big comforter. I have a fan on year-round, I don't care how cool it is outside.
98. I also don't wear any clothes to bed. I must move around a lot when I sleep because if I'm wearing clothes, I wake up with them all twisted around me and tight. I hate that. So if I'm sleeping next to someone I can't be naked around, chances are I'll wake up a few times during the night to have to situate my clothing.
99. I hate the song 99 red balloons. Or at least one version of it that has this girl singing with a really high pitched voice. It's not the original, but it sometimes plays in the salon and I cringe every time and tell our receptionist to go to the next song. ick.
100!!!! Wow I made it. I actually finished this. It only took 4 separate sittings to do it. I'll have to make this last one a real humdinger. Ok here goes: I have really big boobs but really small nipples. hahaha. Apparently, they're pretty hot. My last ex actually even asked me if I'd show my boobs to her sister who is also gay, just because she was so impressed with them. Yay me.
1. My name is Kelly Marie.
2. My name was chosen by my mom's first husband, when she was 18. She divorced at 19 and married my father when she was 27. She stuck with my name all those years.
3. My parents divorced when I was 10, after 11 unhappy years of marriage. I always hear other people say they're sad their parents divorced, but I couldn't have been happier as a kid to see them split.
4. I have one little sister, Katie. I despised her when we were younger, she annoyed me to the core. But now I see that she was just always looking up to me and trying to be like me. This isn't the case now, but we get along pretty well these days. I'm so happy for this.
5. I'm a big family person, and daydream at least once a day about what it'll be like when I have one of my own.
6. I'm a big homebody. I like the comfort of being in my own area.
7. I can also be very social, but usually only comfortable in groups where I know the majority of the people.
8. I get bad anxiety when I'm around a lot of people I don't know, especially in party settings. I clam up and get very shy. I have gotten a lot better with talking to people I don't know, but that feeling still comes out every now and then.
9. My favorite color is purple.
10. I have a purple purse, purple wallet, and purple phone (to be reactivated tomorrow).
11. I frequently wear black clothing. Not because I'm goth or anything, but because it makes me look thinner.
12. If I see an article of clothing that I like but I don't like the color, I'll buy it anyway and use RIT dye to change the color. I even dyed my down comforter.
13. I love to paint, and decorate. These go hand in hand a lot of the time, I have painted some of my lamp shades, some lamp stands, a table, and various other things around my house.
14. I have big plans for when I actually have a house of my own. My mailbox will either be painted or covered in mosaic tiles, my front porch steps will be covered in mosaic tiles, and I've been planning out some murals and things I want to paint in the house. Every room will have a touch of me.
15. I've been doing hair for 5 years, and although I love what I do, I'm considering a career change. At the rate I'm making money, it'd be years and years before I'm able to simply live comfortably, much less raise a family. I'm very good at what I do, and I work in a beautiful salon, but I struggle with money between every single paycheck. I'm 25 years old, and I feel like I should be making much more money right now.
16. I could probably make more money doing hair at a different salon, one that's primary clientele is walk ins (versus my salon which is primarily appointment based) but I actually think that I am too much of a hair snob to take a step down. I've had extensive training from very experienced people in this industry, and I really think that it would take a huge punch to my ego to move to a lower end salon.
17. Before I started doing hair, I sold insurance. My entire family sells insurance, but at the age of 18, it definitely wasn't on my top list of choice careers. Now that I'm getting older and having to provide for myself, I'm regretting the day I let my insurance license lapse. It's time to grow up and get a big girl job.
18. By 'big girl job,' I'm not at all putting down the hair industry. I love it. Absolutely love it. I've definitely found a niche for myself. But money is pretty parallel to my survival!
19. Romantically, I'm completely hopeless. I've had 2 bad relationship in the past 5 years, and I long to just find someone to settle down with and come home to.
20. Since I was about 19, I've identified myself as being a lesbian. I have had mindful slip ups a couple of times, wondering if maybe I'm looking for love in the wrong place, but they are always thoughts that are very short lived. I know who I am, and I know I love women, inside and out.
21. When I was younger, I was more free with myself and my love life, but I've gotten much more conservative with myself and my sexual behavior through the years. I don't enjoy emotionless sex anymore, it's just not worth it to me these days. I'd much rather wait until there's something there, something worth celebrating.
22. And having said that! Let me say this. I love sex and everything about it. I think a good sexual appetite is healthy and a part of a normal healthy life, as long as you're not hurting anyone. I'm just more protective of my hoo-hoo these days. Or maybe it's that I'm more protective of my heart.
23. I've been living in the same town that I grew up in, all my life, and as of this year, I no longer talk to one person that I went to high school with. For the most part, I was never a fan of the kids I went to school with. I went to the 'rich' high school, with a lot of snobby and mean kids, and there were a lot of drugs. I never felt that I fit in, and grew up thinking I wasn't good enough because I didn't fit in with these kids. High school was the worst 4 years of my life.
24. To be completely honest, I sometimes still get that old feeling back of thinking I'm not 'cool' or good enough. It all stems from where I grew up. But I then remind myself that I've made completely new friends and lasting friendships based on who I am now. But there's still that feeling sometimes when I meet someone new, that shy feeling of wondering if they'll think I'm worth their time.
25. Despite that feeling, I'm confident in myself in a lot of things, and it apparently shows. A good friend of mine told me this a couple months ago, that she wishes she were as confident as I am. I was completely surprised when she said this.
26. I'm very close with my mom, and if it weren't for her, I'd much more seriously consider moving away from this city.
27. I think about moving away a lot. Financially, it'd be in impossibility right now. But I would like to at some point.
28. I'm not very close with my dad, but the one thing I did get from him is our taste in music. He raised me on classic rock, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
29. The Beatles were the all time favorite, and my sister and I are going to be getting tattoos for it. They're meant to be 'sister' tattoos. Hers will say "All You Need Is Love," and mine will say "Love Is All You Need." These will both probably be on our lower backs. We're trying to talk my dad into paying for them, but it's going to take some more coaxing. He's not totally exited about tattoos haha.
30. I'm only to number 30, and I need a break. I'm gonna do some painting. One of my favorite movies is Across the Universe, and I just turned it on when the 'strawberry fields forever' scene was playing. He's flinging paint all over the room during this song, and it always makes me wanna paint. Will return and finish this later!
31. I totally and completely believe in karma.
32. I was raised Christian, but don't agree with it. To be honest, I never have. I hated going to church when I was young. In my teenage years, I went just for the purpose of making friends, and I even kissed my first boy in church. After high school, I joined the music team at our church, just so that I could sing on stage, not for the purpose of praising God. It was never about that for me. I don't go to church anymore, except on Christmas, just out of respect for my mother, and for the sake of tradition.
33. I don't agree with organized religion. For the most part, the people that I've come into contact with who claim to be devout Christians are the people who end up excusing themselves from punishment for less than respectable behavior.
34. I think that life is about being a good person, no matter what your faith. This is where karma comes into play.
35. I get emotional over silly things, and stay pretty calm during actual big things. For instance, I cry sometimes when people win things on The Price Is Right. I get so excited I guess, just to see other people that happy and excited. No, I'm not kidding, I couldn't make this up if I tried. On the other hand, when my grandma passed away, I was really calm and collected when my uncle told me the news. I was a mess at the funeral, but it took a few days for it to sink in, and for me to shed the tears.
36. Back to the religion issue, I see myself being much more spiritual than religious. To me, it's something very personal. I feel overwhelmed and thankful for my life here when I feel at one with nature, if that makes any sense. All I need is a sunny day on the beach listening to the sound of the waves, or to see a rainbow, or feel the breeze through my hair, and I'm all set. I can just look up at whatever's up there, if there is something up there, and feel nothing but beautiful and lucky and healthy.
37. I'll use this number... because it's sort of my lucky number. My lucky number is actually 137. Yes, i know it's odd, and the story behind it is kinda funny. It was my first school bus number when I was in first through third grade. My bus driver, Ms. Pat, had a full stereo system installed in the bus, and would blast music the whole way home everyday. We all had so much fun on that bus, and the number has just always stuck with me. Whenever I happen to look at the clock and it says 1:37, chances are I'm having a great day.
38. I have a habit of starting books and not finishing them. Right now I've got 3 books open.
39. I absolutely hate doing laundry. I can do any kind of chore around the house with a smile on my face, but just not laundry.
40. I can't walk in high heels. I look ridiculous, and usually end up tripping on something.
41. I'm totally unorganized with money. As a hairstylist, I get cash tips handed to me often, and usually just stuff them in my pocket. While I was just doing the dreaded laundry, I found $40 in the dryer.
42. I absolutely hate any kind of clicking, beeping, or any other kind of annoying noises. Repetitive noises are like nails on a chalkboard to me. It's become an ongoing joke in my salon, and my coworkers will click pens or tap the front desk in an effort to get a rise out of me. I literally flip out and I can't even help it. haha.
43. It has come to my recent attention that when something annoys me, the noises or otherwise, I immediately say 'STOP IT!' in a tone that is about an octive higher than my normal voice. I was never actually aware that I did this on a regular basis, until we were playing a drinking game at the neighbor's house. We were playing drunken jenga (my friend and I wrote funny drinking game things on each piece of the jenga game, and you have to pull one piece out, complete the task, and then stack it on top, like regular jenga) and one of the pegs she pulled said 'impersonate the person to your left'. I was to her left, and she immediately started screaming 'STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!' really loud and high pitched. I looked at her like... huh? and of course everyone started laughing, because it was completely accurate.
44. I love tomatoes, but hate red sauce.
45. I love cooking, but hate going to the grocery store.
46. Actually I hate any type of shopping. If I could do all my shopping online I would be a happy girl.
47. I especially hate going to the mall. I hate the crowds, and all the fluorescent lighting, I get an instant headache anytime I go in there.
48. I can be a procrastinator. Probably why this post is taking me so long to complete, even though I know I want to.
49. I have a guitar, but don't know how to play it.
50. I did ballet for eight years when I was younger. My biggest regret in life is quitting. I was always the youngest girl in all my classes, was very advanced for my age. But when my parents got divorced, we moved to the other side of the city so my mom couldn't drive me to my ballet academy as often as I had been going, so I had to try to find another academy near me. Even at 12 years old, I was too advanced for any school that my mom gave me the option of going to, so I quit. I wish I had just stuck with it until I was old enough to drive myself to the good school. My teachers at the good school had danced in ballet's all over Europe, and were from Italy. Nothing like anything you'd find here.
51. I also used to play the piano when I was younger. But I quit that because my piano teacher was a creepy old lady that lived in our neighborhood. I hated going to her house for lessons. I would like to start playing again though.
52. When I was in middle school, the movie "Titanic" had just come out and was really big. I was in the chorus and of course, we sang the Titanic song. I played the piano for the song while the chorus sang it. I know how to read music, but when I'm playing a song, I play it from memory. I'll only check in with the actual music on front of me if I'm still learning the song, but I never follow it note for note. We performed this 3 times during school hours for the different grades, and then the big performance was at night.
53. During the big performance at night, the auditorium was completely filled with all of our parents and friends that decided to come. My hands were a little shaky, and in the middle of the song, I forgot where I was in the song. I completely froze, and the whole chorus turned around to stare at me along with the whole auditorium of people. I had to flip through pages of music to figure out where I was while the whole room was silent and staring at me. Finally found my place about 30 seconds later (it felt like an hour) and finished the song out. We got a standing ovation hahaha.
54. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's the big holiday in my family for us all to get together. Everyone in my family can cook, and we all pitch in. It's always the absolute best meal of the year.
55. I was a vegetarian for a year. I quit when Thanksgiving came around. Maybe I'm weak, or maybe our turkeys are always just that good.
56. I want to become a vegetarian again. Thanksgiving is only a couple months away. I've cut out red meat, I'll cut out poultry after. :-)
57. If I wasn't a hairstylist, I'd probably never do my hair.
58. I like my hair to be curly and messy and even a little frizzy sometimes. Very anti-hairstylist. I'd never style any of my clients to have hair like mine haha. Everyone wants their hair to be straight and smooth. I think that's boring, on me anyway.
59. I like big jewelry. The dainty stuff was never for me.
60. I'd rather have jewelry that's big and fake, rather than small and 'real'. I'd be happy with cubic zurconia for my engagement ring, as long as it's my style. Or actually... I want a big ole' amethyst lol.
61. I don't like spiders, but I love snakes.
62. I saw the second Lord of the Rings movie before I saw the first.
63. I'd wear flip flops everyday if I could.
64. I'm not a sweets person. I really have to be in the mood for something sweet.
65. My weakness is pasta with any kind of cream sauce. MMMMmmmmm...
66. I very rarely follow trends in clothing. I especially hate those shoes that are 'in' right now. The flat ones with the straps that go up around your ankle. I don't think they're flattering on anyone.
67. I value my alone time. I may have already said something like this, but there's no one in my house today and I'm totally loving it.
68. My maternal grandfather's just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I've never been close with him. I don't get emotional about it until I see my mom get emotional about it, then my heart aches. I hate to see that woman hurting.
69. I'm not a fan of video games. I think people should spend more time outside, or with an actual hobby, like they used to way back when. I hate that my 33 year old roommate and neighbor sit in the house all day and play video games. there are days when they'll only leave the house to get a new video game.
70. As of 9-8-09, I'm an auntie for the first time. My step brother and his wife just had a beautiful baby boy, Logan David. I get to go see him tomorrow.
71. I have a very sarcastic sense of humor. It sometimes takes a while for people to get used to. One of my exes said that for the first month we knew each other, she thought I was just a major bitch, rather than a total softy with a slick sense of humor.
72. I used to want to go to nursing school, but I don't think I could handle it. I can handle blood and all that, but the site of broken bones literally makes me weak and nauseous. I also don't think I could deal with seeing people die right in front of me.
73. I love the smell of haircolor (well the kind we use at our salon anyway). I love how I can smell it all day after I get my hair colored.
74. I'd much rather be freezing than too hot. I absolutely hate sweating, it makes me feel disgusting. Unless I'm working out, that's different. You know what I mean.
75. But! only because there's an exception to every rule, I love going in saunas (as long as there's a cool pool or shower to jump into after). But after all is said and done, my skin always feels so clean after sitting in a sauna, cuz it purges all the impurities from your pores. Love it.
76. I hate it when my skin doesn't feel super smooth on my face. I scrub my skin with one of those shower gloves everyday to get the dead skin off. Even if I miss one day of doing this, my skin feels gross to me.
77. I was always the only person I knew that hated sweet tea, so I always just thought that I hated tea. For the first time, I tried unsweetened tea about a 6 months ago, and now it's my favorite drink. Turns out I just hated how sweet it was haha.
78. I hate ketchup by itself, but I love ketchup and mayo mixed together. This is the best dipping sauce for anything that you'd normally just dip in ketchup.
79. I'm a very touchy feely and affectionate person. I love touching and giving hugs to everyone and cuddling with those I'm close with. I even hug a lot of my clients. My boss is the same way. He always says he has to get in 10 hugs a day.
80. I read the book "The 5 Love Languages" and realized that 'physical touch' and 'quality time' are the two biggest ways that I feel loved and give love to others.
81. I'm a taurus, and my sign is pretty much dead on accurate with who I am.
82. Whenever I start dating someone, I find out what their sign is, and go to Astrologyzone.com to see if we're compatible. So far, that site has also been dead on accurate. My last three exes were geminis (who I'm supposed to not be compatible with) and that site pretty much told me all the reasons why we wouldn't work out as a couple. It was exactly those reasons why we didn't work. I haven't always believed in astrology, I mean it's silly if you think about it, but yeah, I'm listenin now.
83. I have a strong need to feel self sufficient, but also a need to feel taken care of when I'm in a relationship.
84. My year! I was born in 1984.
85. My favorite man in the whole world is Bailey, my old man cat. I've had him since I was 10.
86. I'm definitely a cat person. I like dogs too, but would prefer to always have cats around. I just love their attitudes and quirkiness, and they also smell 10 times better. I love the smell of cat breath. If I end up not marrying (highly doubt this, but still) I'll probably be one of those crazy cat ladies with like 12 cats. lol.
87. The sound of a cat purring always calms me down, especially if i'm cuddling with the kitty and I can actually feel the purr. One of my simple joys in life.
88. I'm not into sports or athletics, but I love going to football and baseball games. I just love the atmosphere and being with that many people cheering something on. So much fun. But I'll never be able to actually follow a game haha.
89. When I started hair school, my hair was halfway down my back. When I got out of hairschool, it was up near my chin. If you want to keep your long hair, don't go to hair school. This scenario happened to EVERY SINGLE girl in there. Not one girl got out with long hair.
90. When it comes to politics, I'm very liberal when it comes to social issues. Extremely liberal with social issues. But I also truly believe that everyone should have to work for what they have or want. I'm 25, broke as shit, and seriously struggling with money, but you'll never see me take a 'hand out' from the government. It's way too abused in this country.
91. I definitely believe in abortion, and think that it's the right thing to do in some cases. I had one when I was 18, and it was the best decision I ever made. It definitely was difficult to deal with, but I wouldn't change that decision.
92. I know I want kids, but this world we live in scares me to have to raise kids in. I know I'll be a strict parent, and now that I'm older, I understand why my mom was strict as well.
93. I love to knit, but all i know how to do are scarves lol. yep, just the one straight line.
94. I'm obsessed with sudoku.
95. My big dream in life is to own my own coffee shop. I have the whole place planned out in my head, how it will look and such. I know i'll also want acoustic live music played in there often, and to have one big wall where local artists can display their work. Just a couple ideas I have for it.
96. I really like to spread out when I sleep. If I sleep in the same bed with you, we must be pretty close. This isn't because I'm stingy about who I sleep next to, it's because there's a good chance you'll have one of my arms or legs on top of you by morning.
97. I like my room to be really cool when I sleep. That way I can cuddle up in my big comforter. I have a fan on year-round, I don't care how cool it is outside.
98. I also don't wear any clothes to bed. I must move around a lot when I sleep because if I'm wearing clothes, I wake up with them all twisted around me and tight. I hate that. So if I'm sleeping next to someone I can't be naked around, chances are I'll wake up a few times during the night to have to situate my clothing.
99. I hate the song 99 red balloons. Or at least one version of it that has this girl singing with a really high pitched voice. It's not the original, but it sometimes plays in the salon and I cringe every time and tell our receptionist to go to the next song. ick.
100!!!! Wow I made it. I actually finished this. It only took 4 separate sittings to do it. I'll have to make this last one a real humdinger. Ok here goes: I have really big boobs but really small nipples. hahaha. Apparently, they're pretty hot. My last ex actually even asked me if I'd show my boobs to her sister who is also gay, just because she was so impressed with them. Yay me.
Monday, September 7, 2009
bad season for phones.
So I took my neighbor with me to a bbq yesterday. She has an 11 month old baby boy. He's an absolutely adorable handful. His favorite things ever are cell phones. If he sees you using your cellphone, he will drop whatever it is that he's doing, and lunge for the phone.
I have had some trouble with phones in the recent past. I had gotten a new phone back in March. It's purple, which was the main reason I got it. I have a small obsession with purple. Anyway, on the 4th of July, I took it for a swim with me in the ocean by accident. I always put my phone in my bra, and I had put it in my bathing suit that day. Totally forgot about it, and it went under one wave before I realized I had it on me. It would still turn on, but none of the buttons would work. I had to let it sit out and dry out for weeks. I had lost the phone that I used before, so my mom gave me one of her old phones to use for the time being. I later found my old phone, turned it back on. I've been using that for the past couple months. I recently tried to turn on the purple phone, and it works again, buttons and all. I tried reactivating it online but it said I had to call, in which I sat on hold for long enough that I felt like I was gonna go crazy so I hung up. Well, yesterday at the cookout, little Austin, the baby boy, grabbed my phone out of my hand while I was holding him, played with it for a minute, and then proceeded to throw it straight down onto the concrete patio we were sitting on. It's a flip phone, and he threw it down perfectly open and face down, so it smashed it into two pieces. Guess it's time to sit on hold again to turn on the purple one! His mommy put it back together, and all works except I can't hear a thing while on the phone, just sounds like dead air. Texting is fine though. But still. Wish me luck on not going crazy waiting on hold with verizon.
I have had some trouble with phones in the recent past. I had gotten a new phone back in March. It's purple, which was the main reason I got it. I have a small obsession with purple. Anyway, on the 4th of July, I took it for a swim with me in the ocean by accident. I always put my phone in my bra, and I had put it in my bathing suit that day. Totally forgot about it, and it went under one wave before I realized I had it on me. It would still turn on, but none of the buttons would work. I had to let it sit out and dry out for weeks. I had lost the phone that I used before, so my mom gave me one of her old phones to use for the time being. I later found my old phone, turned it back on. I've been using that for the past couple months. I recently tried to turn on the purple phone, and it works again, buttons and all. I tried reactivating it online but it said I had to call, in which I sat on hold for long enough that I felt like I was gonna go crazy so I hung up. Well, yesterday at the cookout, little Austin, the baby boy, grabbed my phone out of my hand while I was holding him, played with it for a minute, and then proceeded to throw it straight down onto the concrete patio we were sitting on. It's a flip phone, and he threw it down perfectly open and face down, so it smashed it into two pieces. Guess it's time to sit on hold again to turn on the purple one! His mommy put it back together, and all works except I can't hear a thing while on the phone, just sounds like dead air. Texting is fine though. But still. Wish me luck on not going crazy waiting on hold with verizon.
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