ooooooooh me...

Well that was fun.  I've just closed up shop on another crazy girl.  I swear I can only attract girls with severe issues, and I have no idea why.  I'm a relatively normal girl, just looking for a nice girl to build something lasting with, and yet I somehow always get stuck with people who are so completely wrong for me, or people who have the worst issues I could even imagine.  Why me, I ask?

So this one's name was Ash.  Actually, let me start with a little about me.  For those of you who don't know me personally, if I had to put some kind of label on myself, I'm fall more into the femme category.  I do my makeup, do my hair, love wearing big flowy dresses, and love feeling like a woman in all my glory.  That being said, for the most part in my past, I have been attracted to other femme girls.  Not exclusively, I'm not one to limit myself to any one stereotype at all, but that's just kinda how it's always happened, with dating anyway.  Actually, my major ex was actually a little tomboyish when we started dating, but per her requests, I ended up making her over with a new, more stylish hairdo, taught her how to do her makeup, and she actually started wearing girl clothes more and more.  I didn't ask her to do this, I think it was just in her all along, and for some reason I brought it out in her.  Her personality was still definitely the more 'studdish' one, but you'd never know it by looking at her after we'd been together for a bit.  But this is a whole 'nother story.  Back to Ash.

Ash is in denial.  She's a butch.  No question about it.  She wears boy clothes (baggy boy clothes), wears cologne, has a shaved head, all that jazz, but she thinks that because she wears mascara and eyeliner, that no one should ever question if she's butch or not, and despises the term butch.  Ok, whatever.  That's her thing.  Moving on, we'd started talking about 2, maybe 3 weeks ago.  She always seemed like she was out to impress me, but in an overbearing way.  She talked about her clothing a lot, about how she'd only shop at PacSun, about how she had a ton of different shoes, with different colors to match every outfit, and how she'd throw a pair of shoes away if they got one scuff mark on them.  Me, I'm the opposite.  I never iron my clothes.  I keep wearing my clothes until they fall apart.  I never plan out outfits, don't worry about if my shoes really truly match my clothes, with the exception of black versus brown.  I had to literally tell her that I didn't care to hear about it, I mean, not in a mean way at all, but I ended up just smiling and knodding a lot, and sometimes would even giggle because of how ridiculous I found it all to be.  Not that I find matching ridiculous, but when you have to explain every single outfit you're wearing to me in great detail, it's gonna get old.  Plus I could care less where you get your clothes, and as for me, I would rather wear something without a label, I'm certainly not getting paid to wear a company's clothes.  It's free advertising, and I'm not a corporate kinda gal.  Sorry, I keep getting off track.

Next, she had hung out with my friends and me a few times.  My friends and I are all really close, and they've become somewhat protective over me after seeing some of the whack jobs I've brought home lol.  So naturally, and this is more talking about my best friend Jamie than anyone else, but she likes to 'grill' the fresh meat.  I let her have her space when she's doing this, cuz I know there's no way around it, and to be honest I wanna kinda see how they react to it.  You can tell a lot about someone in regards to how they act around your friends.  Well, she pretty much failed the test.  She ended up getting pissy, got confrontational with my friends, and came to me later saying 'I think your friend is trying to hit on me and this is bullshit."  Um... ok.  wow.  My friend is straight, lives with her boyfriend (who was there all night as well), and it was just ridiculous.  But me being the nice person who always wants to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, sugar coated it and told myself that she was just stressed about meeting everyone and feeling like she was on the chopping block.  Why can't I just ever trust my gut instincts in the beginning?  They haven't failed me yet in the end. 

And then!  ok so she had this neighbor that she used to hang out with a lot.  I never met the guy but she had talked about how she would go and smoke ciggs on the front porch with him pretty much every night.  She later told me that she didn't like to hang out with him too much anymore after finding out that he smokes crack.  Great!  I was on the phone with her one time while she was outside smoking with him, and I heard him ask if I had any single friends.  She just laughed it off and said no.  Just yesterday, she was getting ready to come visit me and we were talking on the phone about what we wanted to do when she got out here.  She then told me that she wanted to introduce her crack smoking neighbor to my friend C, who happened to be the only single girl friend of mine that she'd met.  She said, "I think he'll like her a lot."  Wait, Im sorry, did you just suggest that you hook up my friend, who happens to be in the military, a single mother of two small children, got her shit together no bullshit kinda girl, to your crack smoking neighbor who just asked you for money not two days ago?  Guess what ladies and gents, when I said absolutely not, she started in on me for being 'judgemental.'  Yeah, I'm not kidding.  Are you fucking serious????? 

She told me she'd talk to me later, and I said don't bother, there'd be nothing to talk about.  Ten minutes later, she's sorry, she's calmed down and thought about it and realizes how right I am.  Yeah, I know, big red flags already I KNOW.  but, she ends up coming over last night anyway.  I've been sick with the flu for 3 days, so she wanted to come see me.  Ok, she gets here, and not even 10 minutes later, she asks me to rub her back.  I'm a nice girl, very attentive to my partner (not that she was my partner yet, but I'm just saying) and always looking to please others, so I did it.  For a good 30 minutes I gave her an amazing back rub, but wait a minute, aren't I the sick one here?  Aren't I the one that should be pampered?  Yeah, you'd think.

We later layed down to go to bed, she had fallen asleep on the couch so I woke her up to go to bed with me.  She apparently doesn't like to be woken up, and got pissed off at me and said 'why didn't you just leave me on the couch?  I hate being woken up!'  lol... wow.  I'm sorry, in my crazy twisted mind I thought she would have wanted me to, to go to bed with me.  We get in bed, she turns away from me, and then commands me to move closer to her, even though she was the one who moved away.  wtf.  I said no.  She said why not.  I said you're being a bitch.  Well damn, I've never seen that girl move that fast.  She whipped the covers off so fast, jumped outta bed, put her shoes on, and yelled at me that she didn't have time for this shit, she's been through this shit before, and nobody, and she means NOBODY calls her a bitch.  She then stood in my doorway with her back to me, as if she were waiting for me to crumple and go after her.  I didn't move a muscle.  I let her walk out.  I even laughed a bit when I heard the door slam.  I texted her to not call me again, and that enough was enough. What a psycho. 

I'm not even sure if this all accurately displays why she's so crazy.  Oh there was another thing I found out last night.  She's a felon apparently.  Assault charges from her ex's sister.  Yeah, she actually got into a physical fight with her ex's little sister. 

she texted me today that she bets I'm not even a lesbian.  What the hell?  Because you're crazy, that puts my sexuality in question?  And what a stupid thing to accuse someone of.  I mean for real.  Who the fuck cares.  Again, I don't like to put a label on myself, but as far as she was concerned, I was giving her a fair shot to date me exclusively.  It's just so stupid to me that lesbians sometimes get offended over someone not living up to a title.  I'm definitely not saying all of them, or us, or whoever, but do you know what I mean?  I love people for who they are, not their sexuality.  I mean isn't that what we're fighting for?  Acceptance no matter what?  Lol... sorry, again, getting sidetracked. 

I just don't understand why it seems to be so hard to find someone that I'm compatible with.  I make friends so easily, why is it so hard to find someone worth dating?  I just want someone nice and caring, and possibly someone who doesn't have to pop 4 xanex to get through a day.  Too much to ask?  I hope not.