Happy New Year! Part 1-The Girl

I always wait too long to update... and in my mind I'm listing all of these things that I want to write about and I never get around to doing it until it's just so much that I end up writing novels.  I do apologize if it annoys any of my readers lol.  But for the holiday posts, I'll break it up into different posts.  This first one is about the girl, and then we'll move on into Christmas in the next one. 

The girl, C.  What a sweetheart.  She lives 4 hours north of me, and we'd been talking for the better part of December.  I believe I've already mentioned her in my last post.  So we made plans to meet up for the first time on the weekend right after Christmas.  I went up to see her, and she got a hotel for 2 nights.  She totally treated me the whole weekend, paid for all of our meals and outtings, and I actually had to fight her off when I insisted on paying for the movie we went to see, and the popcorn and goodies.  She was very nice, and I felt comfortable around her pretty instantly.  She was pretty shy, but slowly was able to open up throughout the weekend.  I left Monday to come home, and something changed in her from that instant on.  She seemed to get very depressed and stressed out, pretty much out of no where.  Tuesday morning started it off, first it was that everyone was fighting at work, then it was that her best friend Mike was probably going to be mad at her for coming to see me for new years, then it was some misunderstanding between the two of us about how long she'd be staying for new years weekend here at my place, and how she needed time to herself to get some stuff done, which I was fine with, but then she just seemed to get totally stressed out about the fact that she was having to explain herself and didn't want me to think that she was making up excuses and etc.  It was just a lot of 'woah' out of no where.  So I did my best to try to smooth things over and put a smile on her face, and get her excited about coming to see me for new years. 

I plan on having my best friend and her boyfriend over, and C was gonna drive straight here from work, planning on being here by 10pm on New Years Eve.  I'm making a big dinner, with homemade pesto alfredo pasta, roasted chicken, sauted green beans, and even brownie sundays for dessert.  I love cooking for people.  Anyway, best friend and her boyfriend got here around 9, we had a couple beers and I finished cooking everything, and C got here a little after 10.  She was all huffy puffy when she got here, carrying her bags up to my room, she just already seemed annoyed or tired or something.  I tried to just ignore it, and went back into the kitchen.  She came in and I made the introductions around the room, and then she started making drinks for herself and me.  We had cosmo mix and vodka and peach shnapps leftover from the previous weekend, so she made drinks with that.  Well...  she ended up drinking way too much way too fast, and was pretty much hanging all over me all night.  We were playing cards after dinner, up until the ball dropped, and she grabbed the cards at one point and started trying to do card tricks, that inevitably kept coming up wrong.  She ended up getting mad at the cards...  and the whole night just went downhill from there.  Midnight rolls around, and she lays one on me... a big juicy one, and just kept at it even when I tried to pull away... she ended up falling over on me, and then complaining that my best friend and her boyfriend were getting a 'real kiss' and insisting that I kiss her more.  It was just so over the top.  Bestie kept looking at me like... what's wrong with her?  and I was just so embarrassed for her.  I don't know if she'd just had a bad week or if she was nervous about meeting my friends or what, but she just got so trashed really fast and I didn't even know how to control her haha.  We ended up just going to bed around 1 after I cleaned up and Bestie left, and she started crying when I didn't want to..uh...  ya know...  and she rolled over and passed out.  She was just so drunk and I knew I just couldn't do that, she probably wouldn't have remembered anyway.  The next day, she slept until 4 in the afternoon in my bed, and got up at 3 different times to throw up.  Yeah, quite a new years haha.  When she finally did get up, I was just sitting downstairs watching tv with my roommate, and she came down here smelling like death and wanted to cuddle up to me on the couch.  This is only my second time hanging out with her, and I felt so bad but I just couldn't help but be annoyed, for lack of a less harsh word.  But do you know what I mean?  I mean I'm not a mean person, but come on.  So I sent her upstairs to shower, saying it'd make her feel better.  After she came back down, I suggested we go get something to eat, just to get outta the house, and we ended up just going to ihop after driving around for a good 20 minutes and me offering different places as choices to eat and everytime she'd say 'just whatever you want is fine.'  That's another thing that I've realized I can't deal with, I don't want to always be the one who makes all of the decisions in a relationship.  I don't want to feel like I always have to take the lead just because she's too scared to have an opinion that might not be agreeable to me.  Sidenote, sorry.  So at dinner, she's basically just sitting in silence, hasn't smiled at all since she woke up, and I'm doing all I can to lighten the mood and try to slice away some of the awkwardness that she's just laying on so thick.  It finally comes down to me having to say, 'Ok babe, what is it.  What's wrong?'  and she can't even look at me but she says she's sad because she's feeling distant from me and has no idea why I'm acting like I want to have nothing to do with her.  I literally had to steer the conversation away from that topic because I was scared that she was going to have a breakdown right in the middle of ihop.  The conversation is just somewhat of a fog now, but I had to explain to her that I don't know what has happened but that she's not the same bubbly girl that I originally started talking to, and that I'd love to help her figure out why, but that I was wondering if maybe I just don't bring out the best in her, or maybe she just has too much on her plate right now, or maybe she's just not really ready to start something new yet, still hanging on too tightly to her previous heartaches.  Anyway, long story short, we ended up saying we'd shoot for a friendship at this point, and she ended up just packing her bags and going home when we got back from ihop.  I felt horrible, because she broke down as I tried to talk her into staying at least til morning because I didn't want her driving home for 4 hours while being so upset..  but she just couldn't shake it.  I did everything I could to try to calm her down, I said we could even just stay in and watch movies all night, no pressure, but everything I said just seemed to upset her more.  She left, and thankfully got home safely. 

I wrote her a pretty lengthy email over facebook saying how sorry I was and how I'd never meant to hurt her and all this stuff, and as I was writing it, I was realizing more and more things about what I need from a partner.  Speaking of which, I guess it just goes with the territory of being picky and actually looking for a soulmate instead of someone to just pass the time with, but I'm getting tired of everyone that I've been dating just being one more lesson of something that I don't want.  But anyway, I realized that as much as I need someone who's sweet, I need someone with a strong personality as well.  I feel that I am both of those things as well, but I need someone who's even stronger willed than I am maybe.  Of course this is all just brainstorming and more or less 'talking to myself' haha.  But as sweet as she started off to be, I couldn't handle being with someone who was more whiney than I am.  Sooooooo... such is life, and I'm right back to where I started, dragging with me now a little guilt for hurting her, and a little more knowledge of what I'll be looking for in the future.  Not how I expected my new years to go, but one can only be hopeful for the future.