Holy shit.

Well I just found out who my craziest ex is.  Wow.  Holy...shit.  Like...  I just found out so much that I didn't even know, and we've been broken up for over a year.  I'm literally sitting here, just in shock, appalled, I can't even believe what i just heard.

All I can say is that I'm lucky to have gotten out of that when I did.  I didn't know people were really able to treat people so badly, and still be able to look in the mirror and sleep at night.  I knew there were lies in my relationship with her, but I just simply had no idea the extent of them.  Apparently she cheated on me with her ex before me, with the girl she left me for, and 'some dude' that no one knows who he is.    And, while she and I were beginning our relationship, apparently she was still with the ex before me.  And this is just the beginning.  I mean, there is so much more, I just can't even believe it.  After talking to another one of her exes, I just can't believe what a sociopath this girl is.  She literally wants to ruin everyones lives that she comes into contact with.  She needs to be cut off.  She needs to be medicated.  She needs to be put in a corner until she can learn how to interact with the rest of the human race in a respectful manner. 

I'm mortified that this was a person that I thought I loved at one time.  I had talked about a real future with this girl, talked about children, talked about opening a business with her. She was the first person that I ever saw a real future with, one that excited me and made me feel amazing.  I spent time with her family, I made a painting especially for her that was probably the most sentimental thing I've ever painted in my life.  I held her hand and cried with her.  I even danced around naked in the moonlight on the beach with her and her sister in the middle of the night in Corolla, NC, at my dad's beach house.  I would go and play cards with her grandma and her.  That girl even got me going to mass with her.  Looking back on the great memories we had, I feel like I have NO idea of who she was the entire time we were together.  How do I come into contact with these people?  WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE???  How is it so easy for some people to just completely lie to your face?  To just flat out make up everything about who they are and what they care about?

Thankfully, I'm finding out about this a long time after it's been over, so it definitely doesn't affect me like it would have if I found this stuff out back when it was still fresh.  I'll admit that hearing these things definitely turned my stomach, but I was able to brush it off rather quickly. I have known for a long time that I wouldn't touch this girl with a 10ft pole, I just had no idea the extent of her absolute craziness.  The funny thing is that she recently asked her ex (the one who told me all of this info) that she wanted her to help her get me back.  Really???  I mean really.  She even added that she missed my boobs and chocha!!  My boobs and chocha are mine, and she sure as hell can't have them back!!! This is the same girl that left me the day before my birthday, the day after I had taken her to see Fleetwood Mac, and who I just now found out that she actually told people that she was staying with me because she wanted to go to the concert.  I already knew that, but the fact that she actually said it out loud as if she were proud of it...  just wow.  Haha... wow. This is the same damn girl that was the reason behind me starting a new blog, just because I didn't want her to be able to keep her tabs on me. I'm just lucky to have not stayed with her longer.  I'm ecstatic that she left when she did!  I'll still always look at that night on the beach with her and her sister as being one of the most meaningful nights of my life.  I felt free and beautiful and healthy and one with every spec of earth and water around me, and I thank her and her sister for bringing that feeling to life in me.  It really was the most amazing feeling, it's just such a shame that she didn't appreciate it all as much as I did.  But I'm glad.  I will just never be able to understand some people.  The guilt I would feel for treating someone like that (and she has treated multiple people this way)... I just can't even imagine.  Seriously CRAZY.

Just one more lesson on my path to the right one.  At least I can look back and remember that feeling that I'm still searching for in the future.