Select your advice.

One of my favorite cousins, Nick, gave me some advice a few months ago, and I remember just feeling sorry for him for even saying it out loud.  It was before I met S, which is weird because it feels like it was just yesterday that he and I had this conversation, but it also feels like I've known S for a really long time.  In actuality, we've only known each other for about 4 months, maybe a little less, but it's funny how time plays tricks on you.  It seems like such a long time.  It's rather amazing to me that in less than 4 months, I've fallen in love with someone, have made so many memories with them... enough to make my head spin when looking back on things, and have managed to even come to a crossroads with this same person, all in less than 4 months.  It's just weird, and really unbelievable.  But back to my original topic...

My cousin, Nick.  He's a few years older than me, and he lives up in Maryland, about 4 hours away from me.  So we don't see each other that often, and we pretty much never talk (he's still one of those 'losers' that refuses to get a facebook, even though it would make keeping in touch soooooo much easier) unless he's coming down to visit the family.  But the last time that I saw him, he was at my dad's house, and we had a family bbq.  He's been dating this one girl for a few years, and he's never been that excited about her.  The first time I met her was at my uncle's 60th birthday (Nick's father) maybe 2 years ago.  It was actually painful to witness them, she was there because she was invited by my aunt (Nick's mother) and Nick was acting annoyed about it.  Nick is the life of the party kinda guy, he's a bartender, and he's lots of fun and full of life, but he was being a complete douchbag to this girl, and I was so disappointed over the whole ordeal.  She actually gave my sister and me a ride to the condo we were staying in that night after the party, and she was saying that she thought that was the last time she'd be seeing Nick.  Well, now, they are living together, and it sounds like neither one of them are ecstatic over it.  During this past time that I saw him over this last summer, we were grilling each other about our love lives.  He asked me how mine was going, and I was single at the time so I was telling him about that, and some of the crazy dates I've had and such.  He jokingly asked if I was still into the poon, and I laughed and nodded.  He's quite the comedian... let me tell you.  I don't embarrass easily, but he knows how to embarrass anyone.  Anyway, I started asking him about K, his girl, and how they were doing.  He started immediately talking about how they are living in his dad's condo, thank goodness... because without her and his dad's condo, he'd have to move back home...........  needless to say he was basically not saying anything about being with this girl based on love or commitment.  I kinda interrupted him, because he was side-stepping my question, and I looked him in his eyes and asked... 'Nick... are you happy?'

As he gets a stupid grin on his face, he blurted out, 'can't you tell?'

He then proceeded to tell me that if I ever have a good relationship, and I end up ending things over something stupid, then it's not worth it to lose out on something that might have been.  I assume that he must be looking back on some past relationship of his, missing some girl that he let get away over something that might not have really mattered in the end.  Now I can look at this in a few different ways.  His advice makes me look at one situation from so many different angles.  I remember feeling sorry for him as he said that.  He's in this relationship that he's not happy in, but he feels the need to just stay in it, because maybe it's not as bad as it coulda been with someone else who was even more wrong for him.  Maybe he thinks that she loves him enough for the both of them.  Maybe he doesn't want to be alone.  Or worst of all, maybe he's staying with her because of his financial issues (he's always been the type who is between jobs.)  I would never want to be in his position, feeling stuck, for whatever reason, in a relationship that doesn't make me happy, that lacks passion and love. 

But then I look at his advice from a completely different angle, and think about how our generation is becoming too picky.  Divorce is such an option that is considered ok now, that there is really no sense of commitment.  There is no sense of real commitment anymore.  Marriage doesn't mean what it used to... and that makes me sad.  Now, if we get upset about one thing or another, breaking up is a real option.  Instead of staying in something because you've made the commitment to, and because you really love that person and wanna work past things, you let your pride get in the way and think to yourself 'I don't need them, I am just fine on my own, I can do better, and the grass will be greener.' 

As I'm talking about this... I've kinda lost my own train of thought...  but I think it comes down to wanting to find real love with someone (which I have, I think, I mean I know I love her...) and then creating a life and sticking to it.  I am tired of everything changing just as soon as I think I'm in something special.  I think it's just who I am, I'm a commitment type of person.  Yes, we both have our reasons of doubt in the relationship, but are any of those real reasons to end it?  are any of those reasons that we actually wouldn't work out in the end?  Are they really reason to not want to work through things?  In my opinion they're not.  If you think about the long term, all of this doesn't seem like a big deal, but who knows.  I can't make her think like me, and I can't make her feel something.  And if we don't think alike, then maybe we aren't meant to be.  But only time will tell.  I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and that everything will work out as it should, but I just don't want 'too much thinking' to get in the way of something that could be great, ya know?  Meh.