Feelings Again

Maybe I've been sitting here too long with too much time to think and maybe I'm just bored and lonely and feeling a little idle but who knows.  These are just thoughts.  Just explorations.  Just  me being me I guess.

But anyway, we have a small predicament.  Adalie, the cat.  She is apparently keeping MJ up all night.  She is apparently a little too crazy for MJ to take care of being that she already has a dog and that she lives alone, and that Adalie is extremely desperate for attention at any given time in the day.  So, ok.  That's fine.  I appreciated that MJ offered to take in my cat for me since I'm not able to keep her at my mom's house where I'm living right now.  So I've been looking for a new place for her to stay, which is just disheartening as it is.  I feel sorry for this cat who is being shipped around because i'm unable to care for her myself.  I feel bad for asking anyone to take in my responsibility to their own home.  It makes me feel sick actually, I don't like having anyone take on any extra weight for me.  But anyway, my friends A and B who are a couple had said that they would be happy to take her in, just as long as she gets along with their own brand new kitten that they've had for only 2 weeks, but who is very close in age with my kitty Adalie.  So I'm planning on taking her to their house tomorrow when I leave MJ's house (I've been here for the past couple days babysitting the animals while she's away on business).  I get a text tonight that B has just taken A to the ER because she's been really sick and the doctor is saying that she is so allergic to cats that he is insisting that they get rid of their new cat.  So they can't very well take in another one! 

So here I am, between a rock and a hard place.  MJ is thinking that the cat is gonna be gone by the time she gets home, so I text her letting her know what's going on, and ask if she has any ideas, and if not that I'm just planning on trying to find the cat a new permanent home.  It's just too much right now, and I can't take care of her and it's making me feel like shit for the cat to be moved around so much and I really don't want to have to ask anyone else to babysit for however long until I'm able to take her in again.  I don't know how long I'm going to be at my mom's house at this point. 

Anyway, when MJ calls me, she just sounds so irritated.  It's like, I already know that I have put this burden on her, and I'm doing all I can to take care of it, but she just has no problem letting me know that she just 'doesn't want to keep my cat anymore.'  Ugh.  I just feel like she could have tried to make it a little easier on me and maybe just shown a little sensitivity towards the fact that not only is this hard for me to know that I have to give up my cat, but that I also have to figure out what I'm going to do with her.  She just didn't seem to want to make me feel the least bit ok about it, and I have to admit that it bothers me. 

I'm trying to look at this objectively and it's making me think that maybe this could prove to be a difficulty in the future for us.  I know that I want to be in a supportive relationship, where the support is just oozing from both sides for the other.  And i just know that if I had been in her shoes, I would have said "that's ok baby, I'll keep her until you can find her another home, I understand that it's not your fault."  I just don't really understand why she had to make me feel worse about it.  And maybe she wasn't trying to, but there just wasn't an ounce of sensitivity about the subject at hand.  I just don't know...  but I do know that it bothers me.

All I know is that I'm taking everything in strides, and doing my best to not get sucked into this if it happens to not be right.  I'm not going to write everything off, because after all.. this is still our 'getting to know each other' phase and it might jsut be that I'm not understanding her yet, or that she's not understanding me and my needs.  There are definitely still more positives than negatives, so I'm just gonna calm down and take a seat and see how it all plays out with an open mind.