The process.

So I'm in the process of looking for a job and a place to live in Richmond, the city I want to move to.  I've posted ads on some roommate websites, and I've been calling and emailing a few salons in the area.  When I take a step back and think about it, it doesnt really seem that scary, but when I let myself fall into this mindset, the entire thing just scares me.  I don't know why, and I can't even put a finger on what about it scares me, but it just seems like such a big thing.  The city of Richmond is only 2 hours away from where I am now, and I know I want to move there, and start my life over and make a home for myself there, but it just seems like this big feat that feels unattainable, even though I know it is attainable and I can do it.  I don't want to doubt myself, but it seems easy to do that right now. 

My mom is no help at all with this.  She just seems to be so negative on the idea, and has said a few times that she doesnt want me to make 'another mistake'.  My mom sells insurance, and she is of the mindset that everyone should be in her business and it's like it's her life dream for my sister and I to follow in her footsteps.  I did it when I was fresh out of high school, simply because I had no idea what else I wanted to do, but I ended up hating it, and eventually let my insurance license lapse.  My sister has just recently caved and taken her insurance licensing exam, passed it, and is now my mom's little star child.  Mom hasn't skipped a beat on telling me how my sister will now be able to earn her way towards the next company trip, which is to Hawaii, with this little grin on her face.  I wanted to punch her.  She also made a comment about how in the future my sister and I could take over all of her accounts.  She has said all of this since I've made it known that I was planning on moving away.  Well... not that that would matter, she has made her little comments ever since I started doing hair, about how I will always have to work two jobs, and I'll never be able to make a real living out of it.  I completely disagree... the hair industry is always growing, it's something that I love doing, and it's something that I'm very good at, so if I want it bad enough, I can make a living out of doing what I love.  I am so tired of hearing her negativity towards my profession.  I just need to get out of this house, more than anything.  But I'm not moving out of this house until I have a place in Richmond.  So until then, I'll just have to get over it. 

I went to see my dad last night, and he took me out to dinner.  His wife was out of town, yay me.  My dad is always good for a pick me up.  I totally unloaded on him about how I'm feeling, and he knew exactly what to say.  I am so thankful that he and I have gotten closer.  But anyway, he told me that I can do anything that I put my mind to, because I'm his daughter.  He was so encouraging, and he even said something that made me laugh my ass.  He told me that my life should be fun.  I asked what did he mean... and he said 'well, you've got the hair thing, and you've got the gay thing' hahaha.  I think it's hilarious that he associated my being gay with being a fun life.  But anyway, he's right.  I do want my life to be fun.  I'm an artist, and 'artists see the world differently,' said one of my aunts a couple months ago at a bbq.  I do want my life to be full of beauty and love and peace and happiness, and I feel that I can truly create all of that around me if I just put my mind to it. 

I can't wait to get out of this house.  I think I'll start feeling better as soon as find a place to live and a job, so I can start making plans for the actual move.  I just wish that that had all happened.. like... yesterday.